


oh no (i think i like you)

by vivalagay



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: & lots of disney references, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Love/Hate, M/M, have fun children, it's not really an important factor but i guess it is??, there's showhyuk and jookyun -wiggles brows-
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:49:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7822009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivalagay/pseuds/vivalagay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe all of Kihyun's ideas of love come from the animations of sappy Disney films, but he's pretty sure when you hate someone as much as he hates Chae Hyungwon, you're not supposed to like them this much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. of bastards and aladdin

**Author's Note:**

> AYE YO WASSUP idek if anyone ships this but eh idc tom & jerry are adorbs i needed to write a fic^^
> 
> thanks to my fave hoe kadee who spent a hella lot of time supporting me and listening to me scream about this and also screaming with me about this u da best i miss u ㅠㅠ
> 
> title loosely from "어쩜 좋아" by girl's day
> 
> follow my [mx](https://nottechae.tumblr.com/) and [honeypup](http://joominty.tumblr.com/) tumblr and scream with me!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kihyun likes routines, and hyungwon, _the bastard,_ is definitely not a part of his routine.

It's twenty minutes to showtime.

There's a buzz backstage, chaotic, mostly, actors and actresses running for their last touch-ups, going through the last rehearsals of their lines, abnormal voice warm-ups ringing in the mist of low conversations, and the booming voice of the theatre director to top it all off: _"Twenty minutes, everyone! Make sure you're prepared and in place in ten!"_

As if someone pressing play, the buzz resumes. Kihyun ducks underneath a group of guys distractedly rushing through with a couch, and nods them off to tend to a mirror. He's prepared rather well for this—his white button down shirt perfectly ironed, a bow tie at his throat that he'd spent hours at home to tie in record time flawlessly and hair deliberately straightened into a fringe Kihyun hopes doesn't make him look like a high school student. His height hasn't really been helping him out much. Kihyun does the best that he can.

"I can barely feel my fingers," he hears, and then his reflection is being shared with an anxious Minhyuk, bow tie crooked, and a ridiculously tall top hat tucked under his arm. "I've practiced really hard, but," he sighs and shakes out one of his hands, "I feel like I'm going to mess everything up."

"You're not going to mess everything up," Kihyun laughs. It doesn't matter what role his friend has, whether he's been assigned one line or thirteen, they're in this position every play.

"I know," he murmurs.

Kihyun nudges him, gently, shooting his friend a reassuring smile that he pouts at. "Everyone is going to love it."

Minhyuk pulls his hat from under his arm and twirls it upright in his hands, fingers running over the colorful brim. "You're just saying that because you wrote it."

(To be fair, he isn't entirely wrong.)

"You're going to do well," Kihyun promises. "I wouldn't have requested for you to take up the solo if I didn't think so. You're the only one I trust to reach my expectations."

Minhyuk smiles, slightly.

_"Fifteen minutes!"_

Jooheon sweeps through, their former tech guy, who'd been narrowed down to a technical supervisor (if there's even such a thing) after a horrid dress rehearsal that may or may not have been caused by Jooheon spilling soda on nearly all of the equipment. "The big night!" he exclaims, momentarily checking his reflection out behind Minhyuk. "I feel like I'm about to throw up."

"Well good thing you're not doing anything then," Kihyun says.

Jooheon pouts as the two shamelessly laugh. "I have an important job as a technical supervisor, okay? I got to help hang the scenery." Kihyun blinks at him, and then, "Okay, I looked at the scenery being hung, but it's fine because if I weren't there to judge its placement then this whole night would be a disaster."

"Definitely," Minhyuk chuckles. He steps aside as a girl balancing a large headpiece that's sure to leave her with chronic neck pain comes staggering through, until she's disappearing into the crowd, and their costumer, Hoseok, comes running after her.

 _"Youngsoo-ssi, we forgot the safety pin!"_ he screams, and then stops to smile at them, "Hey, guys, break a leg, Min— _Stop moving! You're going to break the headpiece!"_ Kihyun steps out of the way this time so his friend can rush through, screaming the actress' name at the top of his lungs.

"Speaking of," Jooheon says, turning on his heels towards Minhyuk, "your scene looks great, hyung, and this one prop is really pretty. Everyone is going to love it, even if I'm not entirely behind it anymore, but, there are no... hard feelings, of course."

Minhyuk sighs so deeply at the reminder that it even makes Kihyun a little anxious. Jooheon squeezes his shoulder, and then a boy comes through, stealing him away to look over the equipment again. "If I mess up," Minhyuk says once it's just the two of them, "I'm throwing myself down a staircase."

"Just don't overthink it." Kihyun comes from behind him, fingers tugging at his friend's bow tie to straighten it as he rocks on his heels. "In other words, if you mess up my moment, I might just help you fall down that staircase."

Minhyuk tries to look hurt, and Kihyun just laughs, stepping from behind him and clapping a hand on his back in hopes that it'll plant some self-esteem inside of him. It's all he can think to do. Kihyun has been in theatre since him and Minhyuk were hopeless freshers, and he still isn't the one for the stage fright talks. Kihyun's words leave his lips desirably in only song lyrics, and even then he thinks there's a lot of room for improvement.

"You're going to do well," he reminds him, and Minhyuk nods, placing the top hat on his white hair carefully, as if he's crowning himself.

Come ten minutes and the club crowds into a circle, silently, as the theatre director takes center, accompanied with a clipboard and a headset mic. "I'm sure you're all nervous about tonight and anxious about what could happen and what could not happen—this is inevitable—but I want everyone to remember that you've worked yourself quite well these past few months and the brilliant display that you've shown at rehearsals is what should take place on this stage.

"Pay close attention to not miss your cues, take a deep breath, and just, don't fuck up. As of right now, my job is done, this is your show now."

Kihyun stands behind the huddle, arms folded over his chest with a smile playing at his lips, and by now, he has this speech memorized. He can repeat all of it, perfectly, as he can with almost any Disney film.

"Hands in!" the theatre director proposes and instantly, hands stack, one after the other.

"Three... two... one... Fighting!"

The cast scatters, nervous conversations filling the room as they organize into a line, and Kihyun ducks out into the audience. The theatre is rather large, with rows that go on for miles and a big balcony overhead that can't ever really been seen with the lights off. Kihyun finds his place beside his roommate, Changkyun, a seat perfectly held for him in the first row.

"Hey," he greets, and then smiles, noticing that his friend had happened to listen to him (for once) and sat perfectly where he needed him, right beside the three important people of the audience. They're easy to spot, which Kihyun had explained in a text message—crisp suits, unwrinkled oxfords, postures like ballerinas. Hard to miss. "Ah, I love you, Changkyunie. Have I ever told you that?"

"Not enough."

Kihyun scoffs with a smile. "Just switch seats with me, will you?"

He gets up, taking a bag he's pushed under the seat with him as they swap places. Kihyun smiles at the woman beside him once he's settled down, bowing with an amiable hello before turning back towards his stupid roommate.

"What's up with that bag?" he whispers.

"I knew I was going to get hungry," Changkyun slowly explains, "and my laptop is in here. Don't ask, because I don't know why either."

"There isn't any food allowed in this theatre, you idiot. There's like a _huge_ sign in front of the door saying that, how could you miss it?"

"I didn't miss it, I just... chose to ignore it," he shrugs.

Kihyun scowls, but he's far too excited to scold his friend. The lights dim and his fingers curl onto his roommate's arm, stomach twisting with anticipation, as the intro he's watched so many times begins. "It's starting!" he quietly exclaims. 

Kihyun never takes his eyes away, even when Changkyun's loudly fishing for a bag of chips beside him, and then causing even more noise with his failed attempt to quietly eat them. There's something about seeing all of it come together, perfectly, after so many nights of listening to the cast stumble over words, forget their lines, burst into laughter at someone's fake mustache hanging off their lip, or the disastrous dress rehearsals that's meant to assure them that there'll be a great opening night (but in reality actually scares the shit out of _everyone_.) Kihyun loves this.

(And he definitely doesn't feel a little ache inside of him, a little pinch of jealousy that he isn't one of those actors up there, being the one that causes all of it to come together, of course.)

It flows smoothly, all of it. No mistakes, perfect timing, and the cast members no longer forget what props to bring off stage and what props to keep (Kihyun can still hear the theatre director screaming at the stage during dress rehearsals, nearly pulling at his hair when they'd leave something behind, or leave with a prop they'd forgotten to set down,) even Minhyuk who Kihyun is sure is still shaken from the thought of his solo, with his few lines here and there between every other scene.

"Ah, here it is," Kihyun whispers, tightening his fingers around Changkyun's arm once half of the cast members leave the stage (one boy leaving on the left, instead of the right like the script directs, but Kihyun's sure no one in the audience really takes any notice to that,) and Minhyuk's left alone for his spotlight, a piano prettily playing in the distance. "God, please let him do well."

Changkyun squirms. 

If Minhyuk's nervous, he sure makes it hard to tell. Right as he starts singing, Kihyun mouthing along with the lyrics he'd written on a train ride back home, he realizes he shouldn't even be worried about him. The scene is perfect, dark enough so that Minhyuk is all you can fix your eyes on, and light enough so that there's a pretty, purple glow to the stage, matching the satin flowers decorating the large prop above Minhyuk's head that hang with long, acrylic beads extending to plastic crystals.

"It's amazing, am I right?" Kihyun whispers to the woman beside him. She pauses, and then looks to questionably blink at Kihyun. "He's Lee Minhyuk, a theatre arts major. Minhyuk is like the smartest kid at this school, besides Yoo Kihyun. Yoo Kihyun is the first."

The woman nods, silently, and returns to beam at his friend's performance. Kihyun beams himself.

Minhyuk's voice doesn't waver once, and even during the trickier bits, when during rehearsals his voice ended up leaving his lips in a screech, he sings flawlessly. Nearing the end of the song, Kihyun leans back, breathing normally again, proud, relaxed, and —

There's a sound, like metal scraping against metal, and then Minhyuk's falling with the large, floral prop collapsing on top of him. 

 

 

-o-

 

 

Kihyun smacks against the car window, face squeaking against the glass before he's jerked back once again and flying into Jooheon's lap for the fourth time tonight. He's not sure how he'd allowed his anxiety to have him agree to ride in the back of Hoseok's car, but now, as Kihyun tries retrieving his seat (and accidentally elbowing Jooheon multiple times in the ribs,) he regrets it. Quite a lot, actually.

"Sorry about that," Hoseok sheepishly says from the driver's seat, yet this apology comes just as he's swerving into the hospital's parking lot, sending Jooheon and Kihyun tangling into each other again and tumbling on the other side of the car. "Sorry about that... again," he apologizes. "I should really do something about those broken seat belts. I've been meaning to for months now."

"I'm seriously going to strangle you," Kihyun groans. "A person with just a torso could drive better than you."

Hoseok frowns in the rearview mirror. "You're always so harsh."

Kihyun prepares the perfect mock of Hoseok's childish whine that he's sure he'll get quite a laugh from, but there's movement underneath him, and then Jooheon's voice in a rasp, _"Can't breathe."_

"Oh." Kihyun scrambles off him and retrieves his seat.

"Parking spot!" Changkyun calls from the passenger's, and Kihyun seriously hates his roommate dearly for being the one to shout _'shotgun!'_ once Hoseok came pulling in front of them in the university parking lot, asking if they'd needed a ride. Kihyun wasn't going to take it, initially, but he also didn't want to take forever to get to the hospital to visit his friend, and have to make it there alone. That was before Kihyun discovered that Hoseok's new car was a hand-me-down, though, and not a very stable one at that.

"How bad do you think Minhyuk is?" Jooheon asks once he's climbed out of the back window (yes,  _climbed_ , because both of Hoseok's car doors are broken.)

"From the looks of it," Hoseok replies, and there's a long pause that follows, like he's about to dispute a proper medical analysis, "probably pretty bad."

Kihyun sticks a leg out of the window, and, sedulously, shimmies the rest of his body out, slowly, inch by inch, yet he still stumbles, Hoseok having to hurriedly grab him by the arm before he nearly smacks onto the concrete. "Gosh," he sighs once he's balanced himself, and retrieved his arm, "fix your doors."

 

Kihyun thought he'd rid himself of panic, but once the hospital doors fly open and the four boys rush in, he feels a little anxious again, just a little. The chill of the hospital envelopes Kihyun, sending light shivers crawling through his spine as Jooheon catches the attention of the lady at the front desk and Kihyun accidentally allows his mind to wander. He's uncertain what the extent of pretty bad is, and honestly, he has no desire to find out. But of course he has to, whether or not his stomach lurches a little once Jooheon's throwing an arm around Changkyun and leading the way to the elevator, and Kihyun's trailing after Hoseok with hands buried deeply in his pockets, stiff and nervous.

"You really should've supervised better," Changkyun is saying to Jooheon as the elevator rises. "If you were a better supervisor, the prop would've never fell. In a way, this is all your fault."

"How?" Jooheon exclaims, dropping his arm from around the younger boy. "If I didn't lose my job, then this would've never happened, so this isn't my fault. It's the theatre director's, for firing me."

"But you were the one drinking soda during dress rehearsals," Hoseok chimes in.

Kihyun tugs at his bow tie, unloosening his collar. "It's not like the theatre director fired you for no reason."

"Why are you guys suddenly ganging up on me?" Jooheon frowns, just as the elevator dings and the doors slowly slide open to Minhyuk's floor. "Wow," he murmurs as they travel down the stuffy corridor, a scent of disinfectant spray pungent in the air, "this really is all my fault."

" _Wait!_ " Changkyun's footsteps come to a halt and his arms stretch out, catching all three boys that still manage to stumble into him, one after the other.

"What is your problem?" Kihyun huffs.

Changkyun turns to face them, heels squeaking on the ceramic tiles. "We're coming empty-handed," he explains.

"Ah," Hoseok sighs, "do we really need to bring Minhyuk something, though?"

"We can bring our affection and friendship," Kihyun slowly suggests, "and Jooheon"—a hand gently pats at his friend's chest—"can bring his aegyo."

Changkyun snorts. "We want to make him happy, Kihyun hyung, not sickly."

Jooheon instantly scowls, fist landing a light punch to the younger boy's shoulder.

"Someone can run down to the gift shop really quickly," Hoseok says, and as if it's been done with practice, three heads automatically turn, all six eyes landing on Jooheon. 

It takes a few seconds for him to catch onto the stares, and of course, he instantly sulks. "Why do I have to get it?" he frowns. "My wallet is off me right now."

"Your wallet is always off you," Changkyun comments, just as Kihyun chuckles out, "It's probably empty, anyway."

"I'm not good with picking out gifts," Jooheon tries, "and I don't want to go downstairs all by myself."

Kihyun rolls his eyes. "I'll just go," he offers, hand sinking into his pocket until his fingers are brushing the leather of his wallet, "since I don't need a hand to hold whilst riding the elevator downstairs, unlike the baby here."

"Make it quick," Hoseok says, patting a hand to his shoulder.

Kihyun doesn't feel like running, or rather, pushing himself faster than walking, but nonetheless, he acquiesces and jogs back towards the elevator at the center of the corridor. He presses a thumb to the button for the lower floors and stands back to wait, rubbing his arms to accumulate some sort of heat and ponder on the best gift for Minhyuk. He thinks of giving his friend a card, and then, instantly, rids himself of the idea. He's given up on the card thing, specifically with Minhyuk, who collects any card ever given to him (and random cards that he stumbles across and finds "cute".) Kihyun didn't really think much of it when they first became friends, and he bought Minhyuk a card for every occasion, though, that was before he visited Minhyuk's flat for a study night and saw how much of a hoarder he is.

He cringes at the memory as the elevator doors slide open and steps inside, pushing in the button of the first floor and deciding on just buying his friend a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. Maybe.

 _"Hold the elevator!"_ he hears a voice call. Kihyun doesn't feel like holding the elevator, though. He presses a finger into the button for the doors to close, just as a tall boy stumbles into his vision, dark hair pushing from his forehead as he sprints towards the elevator. Kihyun looks to his hands, ignoring the squeaking of the ceramic tiles and the _'Wait!'_ he expects to be swallowed by the closing of the doors. Instead, there's an arm that pries through, and the doors pause, slowly opening back up to the dark-haired boy he'd been hoping to leave behind.

It feels like they spend quite some time staring at each other, but Kihyun is sure he only eyes his wrinkled tee shirt, half tucked in a pair of dark jeans, his tousled hair, and distracting thick lips for a few seconds. He's kind of cute, Kihyun thinks, _for a baby_ , that is.

He expects him to say something, since his face has twisted in a grimace, but surprisingly, he enters silently.

"What floor are you going to?" Kihyun asks, trying not to sound as impatient as he feels, and the boy looks right him, but turns away as if Kihyun isn't worth his time. He scoffs, watching through narrowed eyes as the idiot goes to pressing the button for himself. 

 _All_ of them, in fact.

"Ya!" Kihyun shouts. "What is wrong with you? I have somewhere to go, you know!"

"You saw me coming!" the boy snaps, and Kihyun doesn't mean to, but he jumps. "You looked right at me, and then you tried to close the doors when I asked you to hold it!"

"It's not my responsibility to hold the door for you! You're on the elevator now, there's no reason to be a jerk about it!" The stranger huffs, and rolls his eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me, you're wasting my time! Actually, you're wasting your own time!"

He instantly pauses at this, and looks to the elevator doors slowly opening to another corridor seemingly going on for miles. "Ugh," the idiot sighs to himself, "how did I not think this through?"

At that, the elevator closes and sinks to the next floor. "Yeah," Kihyun scoffs, "perfect thinking, dumbass."

"Ya! You started this!"

"And I should've pressed for the doors to close sooner," he snarls, arms crossing over his chest, "if I'd known I'd be stuck with a petty bastard!"

"If anyone is a petty bastard, it's you! If someone says 'hold the elevator,' you hold the elevator! It's common sense; it's how things work. I was in a hurry!"

"And I wasn't?"

The stranger just squints at him, brows furrowed, and he crosses his arms, too, a pristine watch on his wrist catching the overhead lights of the elevator. Kihyun rolls his eyes. It's unbelievable how there are still such people in this world, so damn immature, really, but Kihyun assumes he's a little immature himself, since he squints right back at him, directly into his eyes, challenging the bastard. _So_ annoyed, so much more annoyed than he'd thought to ever be possible.

"I'm taking the staircase," Kihyun eventually mutters, tipping his chin up and tugging his eyes away. The corner of the stranger's mouth twitches, proudly, and Kihyun looks to his hands, imagining his fist punching those stupid lips of his.

People get to him too easily.

 

 

He's not sure what he expects Minhyuk's injuries to look like, but it's nowhere near his assumptions. In retrospect, besides the bandage on his forehead, taped underneath his white hair, and the brace strapped on his arm, Minhyuk's perfectly okay.

Kihyun sighs when he's pushing the door open to the hospital room accompanied by four patients separated by thin curtains, and in the back, behind a half-closed curtain, is where he finds all four of his stupid friends somehow having found a way to cuddle together on the bed. Minhyuk has Jooheon nestled in one arm and Hoseok in the other with Changkyun sprawled out on top. 

"Aw, Kyun," Minhyuk coos before Kihyun's given the chance to scold his friends, "you brought me flowers?"

"And a teddy bear, with some candy," he says, waving the little gift bag. He hands the bouquet to him, or rather, nestles it in the narrow space left between Changkyun and Hoseok. "You did really well tonight, Minhyuk-ah, even if I'm still a little pained about you not getting the last line out, either way, it was great."

"Thank you," Minhyuk beams, tucking the flowers underneath his brace and Jooheon taking the little gift bag with the plush bear and treats inside. "I'm so happy you guys came to see me. I thought you'd just continue to watch the play."

Jooheon laughs into Minhyuk's chest. "That's so stupid."

"You're our friend, idiot," Hoseok adds.

Kihyun smiles because all of his friends are smiling, and then yawns into the sleeve of his oxford, a hand fondly patting to Minhyuk's leg. "Let's take you home now, Minnie."

"Not until you join us."

"There's barely any room," Kihyun sighs, grimacing at the jumbled mess that is his friends. "And it looks so uncomfortable. I'm not — no."

"Get in!" Minhyuk demands.

"This bed is so lonely," Changkyun sings, "so incomplete."

"Make us feel whole," Jooheon pleads, and Changkyun exaggeratedly nods, placing his hands to the leg Jooheon has wrapped around him. 

" _Come on_ ," Hoseok whines, the last syllable becoming louder and louder the longer he drags it on, until all there's left for Kihyun to do is sigh and oblige, reluctantly crawling onto the small bed of limbs with his idiot friends cheering him on. Kihyun finds his place under Changkyun and Hoseok's arms, his head uncomfortably nestled underneath Minhyuk's chin. 

"I love you guys," Minhyuk happily sighs. Kihyun can't really feel it, but by the way Hoseok and Changkyun happily squish against him he's sure Minhyuk is hugging them rather tightly, and he groans, annoyed, (even though he smiles in Hoseok's bleached hair. Kind of.)

 

 

It's past midnight when Kihyun and Changkyun finally arrive to their apartment, full, and sluggishly kicking their shoes off at the door. Kihyun isn't too happy about arriving home so late, since he'd already planned staying up quite a bit to study, but his friends are nearly impossible to escape. In fact every time he'd tried leaving to catch a bus home, they'd all attack Kihyun on the spot and sit on him until he'd promised to not leave. ("Just a few more minutes, and then you can go home," Minhyuk promised every time, along with the dubious: "No, I really mean it this time!")

"I'm going to watch _Fight Club_ ," Changkyun announces, slipping into a pair of slippers before shuffling into the living room. "You can join me if you want to."

"Too bad I don't want to."

"You're going to study, aren't you?" His roommate grimaces as Kihyun leaves into the kitchen and returns equipped with a can of Coke and honey butter chips, his regular study paraphernalia.

"How'd you know?"

"You're always studying, even if someone like you doesn't even need summer session classes. Who does that?"

"Surgeons?" Kihyun offers.

"Maybe, but surgeons can give up studying for one night to watch _Fight Club_ with their roommate also," he mentions, "and surgeons can stop working so hard that it worries their roommate of their health."

Kihyun leans against the doorway of the kitchen, pensively, before flicking the light switch off. "Don't stay up too late," he eventually says, ruffling Changkyun's dark hair as he passes to leave to their room.

(He'll never really admit, but he isn't Changkyun — smart without having to try and genuinely unimpressed with his own intelligence as if it's just something everyone easily has. He'd even graduated high school early, just because he was tired of being there. Kihyun can only wish to be that person.) 

He plops down at his desk, a quiet yawn escaping his lips as he stretches his arms over his head. He doesn't think he's as miserable as his roommate plays him out to be. In fact, Kihyun feels most comfortable here, alone and studying, although admitting that kind of makes him feel like a huge nerd, but then again, Kihyun can easily name seven-hundred digits of pi and his idea of fun falls between the lines of watching animal documentaries and playing Sudoku, so, yeah, maybe he is a bit of a nerd. 

He's not quite sure what there is besides that, though. Maybe theatre and Disney films, but being smart (and maybe a little over intellectual) makes him feel good about himself, makes his parents proud, which also makes him feel good about himself. Kihyun thinks he's happy and healthy as long as this cycle continues. 

Nearly two hours later, his roommate strolls in, half-conscious, and flicking the light switch off. 

"I'm still studying." Kihyun glares at Changkyun's movements dimly illuminated by the moonlight leaking through the blinds. 

"And I'm going to sleep," he yawns, blindly pulling himself up the ladder to his bunk and climbing into the blankets. "You should, too."

Kihyun rolls his eyes, closing his anatomy book to its cover and setting his notepad on an organized stack of textbooks. Instead, he watches _Finding Nemo_.

 

 

-o-

 

 

Summer goes like this:

6 AM, the alarm goes off. Kihyun jumps awake, half-dead, his roommate above him groaning for the alarm to be turned off and sandwiching his head in a pillow as Kihyun drags himself out of bed. He didn't get that much sleep the night before. He never does. It's  almost as if he hadn't gotten any rest at all. But then again, Kihyun assumes it's normal for people to feel this way with only a three-hour sleep, (and three hours, that's only on good days.) 

6:30 AM, Kihyun has woken himself with a cold shower, although he prepares himself for the day lethargically, slowly brushing his teeth, slowly brushing his hair, nearly falling asleep as he irons his clothes. By the time he's finished dragging himself around, he's already a few minutes behind schedule. Kihyun snatches his back-pack from the coat rack, kicks off his indoor shoes, hurriedly steps into a pair of sneakers, screams a farewell to his roommate (that he's sure rarely is heard,) and flies down the street to the bus stop.

7 AM, he makes it to work on time, barely, and heads to the back for his locker, hurriedly hooking his book bag on a handle, strapping his uniform apron and cap on, and spending six hours working over the hot stove of a pizza parlor. The other cook glares at him, mostly, without really ever having a reason. Kihyun spends his work hours pretending his coworkers don't murmur about how "stuck up" he is.

1 PM, a breath of fresh air. Kihyun visits the café Minhyuk's boyfriend, Hyunwoo, works, (because Hyunwoo gives him discounts, and there's Wi-Fi,) and sits in the back with a misugaru shake, silently laughing at  _The Emperor's New Groove_ until his alarm rings and he's tossing out his cup _._ Hyunwoo sends him off with a pastry that sits warmly wrapped up in his pocket as he sprints off for the bus again.

2 PM,  work, again. He slips on a polyester vest and steps behind the counter of a convenience store, yawning into a hand and staring at his sneakers. He's the only one who works this shift. For five hours he sits, bored, occasionally checking his reflection in the glass counter, brainstorming poorly constructed lyrics of a song he'll probably never write, and secretly reading a book under the counter. Kihyun only lifts his chin when the little bell on the door rings.

7 PM, he runs to a bus and grips onto a handle all the way home, nearly falling asleep on the man squishing him against the seats. Sometimes, he comes home to an empty flat, which he prefers, honestly, but most times, he enters to Jooheon and Changkyun trying to burst their eardrums with a speaker turned up far too high, the bass thumping against the thin walls of Kihyun and Changkyun's flat, and Kihyun feels like he'll have a heart attack eyeing Jooheon and Changkyun's unorganized shoes at the door, the scrunched up rug leading into the hallway, the crumbs sprinkling the carpeted floor of their living room.

("Why don't you just stay at your own apartment?" Kihyun asks a night Jooheon once again stays for dinner. "You and Changkyunie can blast music at your place with Minhyuk all you want."

"Minhyuk hyung doesn't cook for us, though," Jooheon explains, and Changkyun nods in agreement, mumbling gibberish in between a mouthful of meat. Kihyun has started to believe this is the only reason why they stay friends.)

7:30 PM, Kihyun locks himself in him and Changkyun's room, leaving the little ones to clean. ("Don't talk too loud, don't make any more of a mess, don't come to me for anything, got it?" Kihyun strictly says, and then as Jooheon opens his mouth to speak, "I don't care if it's a life-or-death situation, call an ambulance." He sweetly smiles at the two slow nods he receives and pushes open the door to his room, "Love you, guys!") At his desk, accompanied with a bag of honey butter chips and Coke, and his earphones playing _The Little Mermaid_ OST, Kihyun checks his assignments online, answers back to his virtual classmates' messages, and then, instinctively, reaches over for his textbooks.

11 PM, it's when Changkyun is forced to show Jooheon out the door, and Kihyun runs to the kitchen window where he can perfectly see his friends by the front door. This part amuses him, how they suddenly become so awkward with each other, all shy smiles and nervous laughs. Kihyun rests his chin on a hand, beaming, and hoping one day he can stand in front of their apartment with a guy, too, laughing and smiling and blushing like teenagers, anticipating a meaningless kiss.

("So?" Kihyun questions, having to pretend as if he hadn't watched until Jooheon walked off with a little bounce in his step, once Changkyun enters the apartment again, pink-tinted cheeks and a stupid grin on a moonstruck face.

"This close," he smiles and squishes his fingers together for Kihyun to see. "I was _this_ close to kissing him.")

11:10 PM, back at the desk. His honey butter chips are nestled between his legs and his second can of Coke sits half-full on the desk, dripping of condensation. Changkyun sits on his top bunk with his phone, probably texting Jooheon, with a stupid smile on his face Kihyun randomly throws pens at to get a laugh. He doesn't know why his roommate still never expects it, but his expressions have Kihyun dying of laughter each time. It's too easy messing with his roommate, really.

2 AM, it's when Changkyun has fallen asleep and Kihyun is finished with his assignments, exhausted from his day and exhausted from his studies. He sits in his bunk, laptop in his lap, earphones in his ears, and he lets himself be a kid for a bit with an old Disney film. 

Secretly, this is his favorite part of the day.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"We should throw a party," Minhyuk suggests the first day of the semester. They're all seated at a table of Hyunwoo's job, tiredly sipping from cups of twenty-percent less drinks as they (impatiently) wait for Hyunwoo's shift to come to an end.

(Minhyuk's request, of course. Kihyun fidgets with his phone at the thought of all the things he could be doing right now that doesn't involve him just sitting around, like studying or organizing the stack of books Jooheon and Changkyun dumped on their—but mostly Kihyun's—desk after a trip to the library.)

"A party?" Kihyun questions. He glances up from the screen of his phone, grimacing at the nod his friend gives him. "Why?"

 _"Because,"_ Minhyuk drags, chewing at the straw of an iced americano, "the semester just started. It's tradition."

"We've never thrown a party before," Hoseok mentions.

"Really?" Four heads nod, along with a chorus of _mm-hmm_ s. "Well, as of right now, it's tradition!"

Changkyun flinches at the hand Minhyuk smacks to the table. "Parties make me uncomfortable, though," he reminds him.

"And you and me are graduating this semester," Kihyun chimes in. "It's kind of too late to make that tradition, don't you think?"

"All I'm hearing is excuses," Minhyuk sings. "We're throwing a party this weekend, and for the sake of Changkyunie"—he sarcastically smiles at him—"it'll be a small party. All of us have to invite one person. A small party of ten. A get-together."

"A get-together of eight," Kihyun corrects.

Minhyuk's brows shoot up, "Why?"

"I'd just rather study," he shrugs, taking a long sip of his misugaru shake.

"Changkyun-ah," Minhyuk sweetly calls, "please hit Kihyun for me."

Changkyun automatically raises his hand, and then flinches when Kihyun jumps at him.

"I'm down for a party," Jooheon suddenly voices. "Outside of theatre meets, we barely hung out this summer. I think it'll be fun."

Minhyuk beams. "That's the spirit!"

"Uh, I... I'm down, too," Changkyun decides. He shoots Jooheon an awkward smile, and then sheepishly looks to his hands, before entirely fixing his eyes on Minhyuk. "I'm not sure about that plus one thing, though. I don't have any other friends besides you guys."

"Well, you have until next weekend," Minhyuk informs him, as well as all of the table. "Jooheon can just introduce you to... literally anyone, since he's friends with everyone on campus, and Kihyun, too, since I'm pretty sure we're also his only friends."

Kihyun pauses his virtual game of chess. "Who says I don't have other friends?"

"The large periodic table in your room," Minhyuk easily replies.

"Right next to the five decades old Mickey Mouse poster," Hoseok adds, laughing along with his friends until he eyes the glare Kihyun shoots him, "which I think is really... cool?"

"Next Saturday, six o'clock," Minhyuk suddenly says, "there better be ten people in Jooheonie and I's apartment." He narrows his eyes at his friends, pointing a stern finger at each of them. "Or else."

"Is this your way of being assertive?" Kihyun laughs.

Minhyuk drops his brace-bounded arm to the table. "Just listen to me, okay? Ten people, got it?"

" _Got it!_ " his friends eagerly reply. Kihyun stares at his shake and mutters.

 

Unsurprisingly, his friend takes the party planning very seriously, as if a get-together of ten— _ahem_ , eight—people takes much work. Minhyuk catches Kihyun on the bus home Wednesday, shouldering through a crowd of irritated passengers with incessant _excuses me_ s and _i'm so sorry_ s, and Hyunwoo attached at the hand. _"Kihyun-ah!"_ Minhyuk calls, excitedly waving an arm at his friend, until he's pushing through even more passengers to wrap an arm around the shorter boy. "Hey, are you headed anywhere important?"

"I'm going home to study," Kihyun replies. "Why did you follow me onto the bus?"

Minhyuk drops his arm to grip onto a handle. "Me and Hyunwoo are going to the store for party decorations."

"And you're forcing me to come?"

His friend smiles brightly, nudging him with an elbow. "And I'm forcing you to come."

"I tried convincing him to leave you alone," Hyunwoo mentions, "but you know how that goes."

"Someone gets it," Kihyun says. "Why couldn't you have just dragged Jooheon out for shopping? Or Hoseok. He is the costumer of theatre, you know? I'm pretty sure he'll know how to deal with that."

"Jooheon gets sulky too easily, so I didn't even bother with him. Besides, him and Changkyun went out to eat, which basically means they're on a date, and costuming is entirely different from having good shopping strategies. You're the most organized person I know."

"I'm flattered, but you know this is supposed to be a party of eight, right?"

"This is supposed to be a party of ten," Minhyuk corrects, "and that's only _supposed_ to be. Jooheon made friends with all of the freshers."

"There are going to be freshmen there?" His friend nods, and automatically, Kihyun rolls his eyes. "Now I'm definitely not going. Have fun babysitting."

"Don't be like that, and you're going to the party."

"Says who?"

"Says your best friend."

Kihyun laughs. "You're my best friend? I didn't know that."

"I'm starting to like him less and less, you know," Minhyuk murmurs, leaning against Hyunwoo with a pout.

 

 

The shop fortunately isn't crowded, which is a relief. Kihyun hates crowds, and the faster he helps Minhyuk and Hyunwoo gather party decorations, the faster he can get home to his beloved rolling chair to study. He's sure he's going to have to stay up later than he planned, maybe even having to pass on rewarding himself with a Disney film so he can catch enough sleep to actually have him functioning as a human being for his classes. Sometimes Kihyun regrets taking up morning sessions, and then he's reminded of how miserable he was in the one night Saturday class he'd taken up as a fresher, and in honesty, he's not really sure what levels out the best. In summary, any time of the day is just not a good time for him.

"Okay," Kihyun exhales as they push open the doors to the shop, "where's the list?"

Minhyuk blinks at him. "What list?"

"The list of what you need?" he suggests, and then sighing once he receives another blank stare, he desperately trail his eyes up to Hyunwoo. "How do you deal with this?"

Hyunwoo shrugs.

"Minhyuk-ah," Kihyun sighs, "how are you supposed to know what you're getting?"

"I was just planning to look at stuff and then decide if it'd look pretty in me and Jooheon's living room." Minhyuk suddenly points his arm brace past Kihyun's head. "Like those streamers!"

"You're so —" Kihyun sighs again, deciding not to finish that sentence and glances at the pack of gold party streamers behind him. "Do you even have an idea of what this party is going to look like?"

"Absolutely no idea," he grins, and then patting Hyunwoo's muscular chest. "Honey, can you get those streamers for me? Two, please."

"You don't even know if you'll need the party streamers," Kihyun tries.

"Most parties have party streamers, that's why they're called party streamers." He glances around the store. "What else should we get? _Oo!"_

Kihyun quickly takes ahold his arm, pulling him back into place. "Before you start getting excited, me and Hyunwoo are going to set a budget for you."

"Budget?" Minhyuk asks, as if he'd never heard the word before.

"Mm-hmm, what do you say, Hyunwoo hyung?" Kihyun glances up at him, arms crossing.

"Hm," he hums, and his eyes trail across the store contemplatively, working it out in his head, "well, if you want me eating and paying rent this month, I say seventy-thousand won."

"Seventy-thousand is too generous," Kihyun tells him. Minhyuk's smile wavers, tugging into a frown at his friend's words. "I say sixty-thousand."

"Sounds reasonable," he shrugs. "Okay, sixty-thousand it is."

Minhyuk's smile entirely drops, automatically, and his eyes widen as if he's mortified. Kihyun struggles to suppress the laugh bubbling in his chest. "What the hell am I supposed to do with sixty-thousand won?" his friend exclaims. "I'm only going to be able to buy, like, a piñata, if we're lucky!"

"This is a small, random party," Kihyun reminds him, "for _college_ students. You're aware of that, right? You don't need that many decorations, anyway. Really, all the money should be going into refreshments."

Minhyuk huffs. "Fine, I'll stick to the budget, but both of you are treating me to dinner after this."

Kihyun watches as his suddenly excited friend runs off into an aisle, dragging Hyunwoo along after him, and hesitantly, with an exhaled chuckle, Kihyun trails after.

 

 

-o-

 

 

It hasn't been a pretty day, in fact, it's rained, mostly, and Kihyun's fallen into a mood that has him weary and lazy, wanting to just curl into bed, deprived of responsibilities, and stay there, wrapped in fluffy blankets and sleeping for months on end. Instead, he pushes through the heavy doors of the theatre building, eyes watering with a loud yawn pushing past his lips, before he's headed into the dim-lit theatre. 

Hoseok and Minhyuk have already arrived for their theatre meet, along with a few members scattered in the large space, finding something to do with themselves until the theatre director steps in. Kihyun joins his friends at the stage, instinctively, the two boys connected by earphones and sat with their legs dangling, laughing over an old episode of  _Please Take Care of My Refrigerator_ on a phone. 

"Hey," Kihyun quietly greets, chin slipping onto Hoseok's shoulder.

"Sleepy?" he asks, and Kihyun hums, swatting away the pale fingers Hoseok tries dragging through his hair. "Do you want coffee? I have a can in my bag."

"Please."

Minhyuk pulls an earphone from his ear, placing Hoseok's phone into his lap as their hyung pushes around in a bag. "Did you not sleep well last night?"

"Did I sleep well?" Kihyun repeats. He rubs a hand over his face, pushing back his hair and yawning before letting it fall back into his eyes. "I don't think I got any sleep at all, besides this morning, I fell asleep on the way to class. Standing up."

"He's going to wind up dead," Minhyuk whispers to Hoseok, quiet enough so that it sounds like a secret, loud enough so that Kihyun can perfectly hear it.

Kihyun sarcastically smiles at his friend, pushing at his hair again and groaning. "Is Jooheon coming? Changkyun told me this morning he'd come if Jooheon does."

"Typical," Minhyuk laughs. Hoseok finally finds his can of coffee underneath crumbled papers, workbooks, and notepads, and immediately Kihyun has the can in his hands, popping it open. "Jooheon randomly met some senior who wants to be a part of theatre, so he's going to come to meet Director Song."

Kihyun hums through a gulp of coffee, uninterested, as his friends retrieve their earphones and continue laughing at the screen of Hoseok's phone. Maybe Kihyun should've went off to bed earlier, should've stayed when his roommate jumped awake at 4 AM from Kihyun bumping into a lamp and forced him to rest, even tucking Kihyun tightly and warmly underneath the blankets.

(Kihyun did try to fall asleep then, really, but then his eyes fluttered open and the rising sun softly leaked into their room, lowly illuminating the scattered books across his desk, his running laptop, and the two soda cans just resting there. It annoyed him, until he was tiptoeing out of bed and instead of cleaning up the mess and heading straight off to sleep like his roommate ordered him, he'd plopped down at his chair, quietly, and continued his studies.)

Somewhere between Minhyuk bursting into a shrill laugh and Hoseok calling Jooheon and Changkyun over, Kihyun flutters awake, his legs comfortably stretched across Minhyuk and Hoseok's thighs. His vision is blurred, but he makes out the outline of his two friends, arms wrapped around each other's shoulders as they skip—literally skip—down the hallway to the stage, and Jooheon's senior, apparently, some lanky guy trailing along. Kihyun yawns, rubbing a hand over his face and two fist over his eyes, and —

_No._

_Oh no._

It can't be him, he thinks. There's no way, really, with all of the universities this person—this bastard—can't possibly have been enrolled to the same as Kihyun. Just — there are coincidences that occur in life, and then there's just life trying to fuck you over.

(As the bastard comes more into view with his idiotic face, Kihyun is sure, _positive_ , that this is life trying to fuck him over.)

"Hey," Jooheon waves, voice booming throughout the theatre, "Changkyun and I brought the senior."

"The senior" nears the stage, an awkward smile tugging at his lips. "Hello," he greets, murmuring, with a bow to the trio just as his eyes are catching Kihyun. The idiot pauses, focusing his gaze on him, like he's trying to work something out, until, "Oh," he finally says, "I didn't know you went to this school."

Kihyun wipes at the drool on the side of his face, holding back an eye roll at the small laugh that pushes past the bastard's lips. "I didn't know you did either," he flatly replies, and maybe it's stupid that he's suppressing an eye roll, maybe he should've been kind enough to hold the elevator doors for the bastard after all, but, either way, there's an irritation nipping at him, so easily, just by looking at his stupid face.

"You two know each other?" Hoseok asks.

Kihyun shrugs, pulling his legs from Hoseok's lap and steadily standing on worn-out sneakers. "I wouldn't exactly say _know."_

"Good going, Jooheon-ah, recruiting someone ridiculously good looking," Minhyuk sarcastically says, standing up also, and stretching with an amiable smile. "Now I'm going to compete even harder for roles."

The bastard laughs, and looks to black ankle boots sheepishly, but Kihyun knows the rhythm of that laugh, that _stop it, please continue_ laugh Kihyun exhales whenever he's visiting his family and his mom goes on and on of Kihyun's perfect GPA. "I don't think you have to really worry about that," he tells him, hooking long, slender fingers at the nape of his neck, "I'm seeing if I can take up the tech position."

"We already have a tech guy," Kihyun tells him, a little too quickly maybe, with an indicative nod towards Jooheon.

"Director Song said he's assigning me to assistant theatre director this year," Jooheon informs his friends, smiling at them with a cocky wiggle of his brows, and a hand absently gripping at Changkyun's waist that has the younger boy beaming. "Probably because my dad called him," and then turning to the senior, "he's president of the university, so sometimes he's a little extra."

"Is anyone going to properly introduce us to the senior?" Hoseok chimes in, a little too smiley, and this time Kihyun does allow himself to roll his eyes.

"Oh," Jooheon says, "sorry, I'm rude."

Minhyuk snorts. "You're just now realizing?"

He glares at Minhyuk before tugging his eyes away from his friend and looking to Hyungwon. "This is Shin Hoseok, the costumer of theatre; Lee Minhyuk, usually apart of the cast; and Yoo Kihyun, our songwriter slash song arranger, but I'm assuming you two already know each other."

Kihyun gives him a small, half-hearted wave.

"And this is Chae Hyungwon," Jooheon finally announces, "future biomedical engineer coming from Oxford University."

"So why are you here?" Kihyun asks under his breath. Hoseok knocks their shoulders.

"Oxford," Minhyuk thoughtfully repeats, running over to jog down the staircase. "Great Britain, right?"

Hyungwon hums, shyly smiling. "Yes, you're right."

"Really?" Hoseok smiles, following after Minhyuk towards the staircase, "you must be really smart then."

He shrugs at this, softly laughing, and once again Kihyun's allowing himself to roll his eyes. "I guess you could put it that way," Hyungwon murmurs to his feet, the black leather glistening underneath the stage lights. There's an annoyed huff that Kihyun releases, and he's the last to jog down the staircase to join his friends.

"Seems like you're going to have quite the competition, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk laughs, nudging an elbow into the shorter boy's side.

Kihyun arms cross, chin lifting, and, "I'm not worried," he says, because really, there's no reason to be. Oxford or not, Kihyun's never really had to worry about competition since in actuality, there never really is any. He's been the best academically ever since — well, _ever_. He's sure by now that his GPA would be a 4.5, or something beyond it, if it could.

Hyungwon touches his chin, eyeing Kihyun up and down in a way that has him feeling a little self-conscious. "Let's see if you're still saying that later this semester," he tells him in a playful voice that has his friends laughing. Kihyun stares at the bastard through slits and sarcastically laughs along with them, just so he isn't the only one not laughing.

"This semester really is going to be an interesting one," Minhyuk obliviously smiles, "and also, you don't have to speak formally to us. You're a part of theatre now, so I already feel that you're close to us."

"He's not a part of theatre, though," Kihyun mentions. "He hasn't even met Director Song."

"I think he'll be accepted easily," Jooheon says, and really Kihyun doesn't mean to glare at him, "being smart and all. It's not like people are rushing to be tech around here, anyway."

"Exactly." Minhyuk wraps an arm around Kihyun. "How do you think Director Song hired someone like Jooheon?"

Jooheon pouts, and Minhyuk leans into Kihyun, nearly knocking him over from laughing.

And he wishes they weren't right, that at the mention of a new tech, Director Song doesn't smile so hard his face looks as if it'll crack. There aren't any questions that follow, either. Any _how qualified are you? What's your experience? What makes you want to join theatre?_ None of the questions Kihyun was inquired of when he'd arrived as a fresher, asking to help with music. There's only _welcome to the team, Chae Hyungwon!_ and a slap to Hyungwon's back that has the idiot grinning like the idiot he is. Kihyun's fingers tighten into a ball.

(And no, Kihyun's not jealous that Hyungwon was recruited with a slap to the back and that he wasn't, or that him and the theatre director share a long, smiley conversation after the meet, switching from English to Korean, because somewhere in there Hyungwon happens to mention he's lived in England for two years, and it surely doesn't bother him that after knowing this person for nearly a few hours his friends are stood at the theatre exit, happily watching Hyungwon communicate with the director.)

"Are we waiting for him?" Kihyun snarls, downing the last drop of his canned coffee. He tugs at Hoseok's arm, impatient and whiny, like a little kid stuck in line at Disney World. "Why are we waiting for him?"

"Because," Minhyuk says, "he's our friend now. We're taking him out to eat."

"You didn't take me out to eat when I became friends with you and Hoseok hyung," Kihyun mentions. The two consider this for a while, exchanging a quick glance and then looking to Kihyun.

"Neither of us had a job then," Hoseok shrugs, "and now all of us do."

"Except Jooheon," Minhyuk reminds them. An echo of laughter instantly rings through the theatre at the glare Jooheon shoots his hyung, and Hyungwon suddenly slides in to join them, a shy smile tugging at his lips once he happens to catch everyone's attention. Kihyun doesn't see how it's even possible, really, especially with Hyungwon's great lack of presence, but if anything were making sense right now, Kihyun wouldn't even be having to look at the bastard.

"We're taking you out to eat," Minhyuk informs him. "Is that okay?"

Hyungwon nods, gripping at the nape of his neck. "Yeah," he replies, "it's great."

(Kihyun sort of sulks, because there may or may not have been fingers crossed behind his back, wishing that Hyungwon would've instead declined the offer.)

"Great," Minhyuk smiles, "but there's kind of problem. There are six of us and the only one with a car is Hoseok."

"Aw, that's too bad," Kihyun pouts, fingers uncrossing. "Looks like we'll just have to go out to eat when we've planned better. Let's go now."

"It's fine," Hyungwon quickly tells them, eyeing Kihyun a little too long, before looking to the group. "I have a car of my own."

"It's pretty sick, too," Changkyun mentions, probably the first thing he's said since Kihyun woke up from his short-lived nap. 

Kihyun doesn't think he could get more annoyed of Hyungwon, but somehow, as they emerge from the theatre exit, he's proven wrong. There in the driveway sits Hyungwon's shiny, red car, a model people only really see from catalogs, but still, he's unimpressed. He'd never thought of his friends to be interested in cars, or, maybe, he hasn't paid enough attention to their interest. Maybe he should've, since he spends far too many precious minutes of his life in humid weather, his friends in awe over Hyungwon's stupid car, as if Changkyun and Jooheon hadn't already had enough time before the theatre meet to gush over it.

"Can we eat yet?" Kihyun flatly questions, interrupting the animated conversation their carrying, something about rims, and honestly, Kihyun couldn't careless. If it weren't obvious enough.

"Right," Hyungwon laughs, and at that, unlocks the doors of his car. All at once, Changkyun, Jooheon, and Minhyuk scramble into the vehicle like excited puppies, Changkyun taking the passenger's seat with pride as he always seems to, and Jooheon and Minhyuk seated in the back, suddenly having switched from happily laughing together to Minhyuk smacking Jooheon in the back of the head.

"I'm riding with Hoseok," Kihyun tells Hyungwon, feeling a little stupid at the realization Hyungwon never even asked. 

Hyungwon nods, uninterested, and says to Hoseok, "I'll follow you," before sliding into the driver's seat.

 

 

"I don't like him," Kihyun admits once he's strapping himself in Hoseok's car, and Hoseok pushes his key into the ignition, the engine (barely) starting with an ugly, heavy roar. The car rattles, as if after all this time it'll suddenly—finally—break down, but Hoseok happens to take them from the parking lot with ease, a roll of _been a bad girl I know I am, and I'm so hot I need a fan_ from the radio. 

"Hyungwon?" Hoseok slowly asks, and Kihyun hums with a quick nod of his head. "Why not? He seems nice."

Kihyun snorts. "You just think he's attractive."

"Are you telling me he's not?" 

He laughs, and pulls down the mirror to fix his hair, the humidity having decided to take quite the kick at it. "Eh," is all he says before cranking up the radio and reaching to push the mirror back into place that breaks, suddenly, and falls into his lap.

 

 

Kihyun finds himself at the table of a small, dim-lit restaurant, pushed between the two lovebirds, Jooheon and Changkyun, and—the unfortunate bit— _directly_ across from Hyungwon. It's annoying, really, that he's the only one repulsed by the arrogance Hyungwon carries, and that as Hyungwon discovers everyone's ages, Kihyun's the only one not speaking a word. It's almost as if he isn't even here, and Kihyun realizes he doesn't like this feeling. He doesn't like it at all.

"So," Hyungwon says to Hoseok, slowly, as Changkyun refills Hyungwon's empty glass, "you've already graduated?"

"Correct, this summer," he nods, "but Director Song said he'll still allow me to help out in theatre."

Hyungwon picks up his glass, taking a small sip from it. "Oh, I wouldn't have guessed that."

"Right? Don't I look young? I could've easily been born in '96," Hoseok tells him. The boys' laughs softly rattle throughout the dingy restaurant.

"Keep telling yourself that, hyung," Minhyuk says, laughing at the smile Hoseok shoots him with playful, narrowed eyes.

"Changkyunie's a junior," Jooheon casually brings up. "We're supposed to be in the same year, but we're not, since  _someone's_ an overachiever."

Changkyun laughs. "Why can't you get over that?"

"Because I've never heard of someone graduating high school early just because, that's so unnecessary," Jooheon says, and Changkyun laughs again, shyly into a palm, absently pushing against Kihyun's shoulders.

(Kihyun wonders why, out of all the places he could've sat, he'd managed to slip in right between _them_.)

(But at least it's better than having to sit next to Hyungwon, although, sitting directly across for him, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference.)

 _"Food!"_ Minhyuk exclaims, a waiter emerging from the kitchen with their orders impressively balanced on two arms. She places their plates across from them, carefully, and bows, before disappearing again.

"So, Hyungwon-ssi," Hoseok says, "what brought you back to Korea?"

Hyungwon grimaces, slightly, before his lips tug into an awkward smile that fails to reach his eyes. "My family," he replies.

"Did they miss you too much?" Jooheon asks.

He looks to the meat on his plate, head shaking. "They did miss me," he quickly tells him, and he looks angry, or uncomfortable, but Kihyun has come to realize that he usually looks as either one of these, "but my grandpa has Alzheimer's that's not really improving right now, so I came here to help my mother care for him."

There's a silence, like they're trying to figure out if it's safe to pry or not. After a while, Minhyuk smiles at him, "Is England really different from here?"

"Pretty much," he nods. "The customs are different, of course, and the food is really different. I missed my mom's meals."

"You know, Kihyunie almost went overseas," Minhyuk mentions, pointing a spoon at his friend. Kihyun wants to roll his eyes, because _wow_  — at least someone has finally happened to realize he'd been sitting here. The whole time, in fact.

Hyungwon's brows rise, impressed. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm," his friend hums, "he's really smart. He was given a full scholarship to universities in the States and Australia."

"So, you chose here?" Hyungwon asks, and it's said as if it's such a misfortune that he'd happened to have chosen his home in the end.

Kihyun stabs at his steak, half-heartedly slicing himself a small bite. "Yeah."

Hyungwon nods, slow, glancing at his plate. "What were your choices?"

"Harvard, Yale, ANU, and here," Kihyun flatly replies, like it's not a big deal, like how Changkyun just shrugs whenever he always comes home with a perfect score in his class without even having to study. 

"Really?" Hyungwon's brows rise again, and Kihyun nods, lifting his chin with an arrogant smile tugging at his lips. "I was given scholarships to Harvard and Yale also. Not that I really needed it."

Kihyun's smile wavers. "And you chose Oxford over Harvard and Yale?"

"Yale is a pretty good school," Hyungwon admits with a small nod, deliberately cutting into a baked potato, "but it's a little further than Oxford, and really, if you think about it, Harvard is just a name."

Kihyun's smile drops, entirely, and he just —

_what?_

"You're joking, right?" Kihyun laughs dryly, grimacing with half-chewed, medium rare steak in his mouth. "You can't genuinely believe that Harvard University is just a _name_."

Hyungwon shrugs, like he hadn't just insulted Kihyun's former dream university—Kihyun's _still_ dream university. "People are more interested in the name Harvard than the actual academics. If you go to Harvard, you must be the best of the best, right? But there are many people at the school I go to now with better scores than the smartest people there, and sunbaes who graduated Oxford with an equal education as a graduate from Harvard, or even, in a lot of cases, a better education."

"That's a weak argument," Kihyun snarls, and Hyungwon just laughs, lips tugging into something iniquitous as he sips from his glass. It seems as if it'd be impossible to sip a glass as if you can do it better than anyone else in the world, but, somehow, Hyungwon still manages to.

"I could write an essay for you," he offers.

Kihyun stabs a fork into his steak, and all at once, his friends jump. "Good luck with that."

 _"Okay!"_ Minhyuk nervously laughs, hands clapping together. "The food is great, right?"

There's an uneasy chorus of hums as Minhyuk stuffs his face with steamed vegetables and white rice, happily humming to clear the tension. Kihyun stares at Hyungwon, narrowed eyes, and once again he feels a little childish, challenging someone like this, like a querulous, overindulged brat not getting his way.

It's annoying, really, someone causing him to behave like this. Kihyun jerks his eyes away, teeth harshly chewing at a bite of his steak.

And _God_  — he really hates Chae Hyungwon.

 

 

" _Just a name?_ " Kihyun nearly screams when the group finally waves Hyungwon off home and they've piled into Hoseok's car. "How can he say that? How can _anyone_ say that? That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard come from anyone's mouth, and I'm friends with _you_ guys!"

"Well, ouch," Hoseok murmurs to the rearview mirror.

"It's his opinion, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk tries, and Kihyun scoffs, tugging his eyes from the rainfall outside the car. 

"You can't have an opinion about Harvard being the best school in the entire world! Harvard being the best school is not an opinionated statement! You can't have an opinion about clear facts!"

"Hyung," Changkyun sighs from the passenger's, "just calm down."

 _"Calm down?"_ Kihyun repeats from under his breath, glaring at the raindrops slipping down the window with furrowed brows as if this is such an absurd concept. "Calm down, my ass," he murmurs.

 

 

-o-

 

 

It's not the last of Hyungwon. 

Kihyun can't even see his friends anymore without the bastard alongside them. At the library studying with Jooheon; at a shop assisting Hoseok in his stocking of fabric; at the store assisting Minhyuk in shopping for party refreshments; on the lawn of the university's campus eating lunch with Changkyun and giving him relationship advice. There's no escape. Even in Kihyun's "safe place," Hyunwoo's cafe, where he walks in after work and all of his friends are there, even Hyunwoo among them, and _surprise_ — Hyungwon, too.

Smiling around the straw of a mango smoothie, Changkyun fondly shoving his shoulder at something he says that rises an echo of laughter. Oh, and in Kihyun's seat.

(And okay, Kihyun'll admit it, it's a little immature feeling this way, so possessive over his friends and so possessive over a stupid seat.)

(But he'll also admit he likes routines, and Hyungwon—this arrogant bastard who's clearly blind towards the preeminence of Harvard University—is _definitely_ not a part of his routine.)

"Do you think I'm overreacting?" Kihyun asks Hyunwoo once he sees his friends and Hyungwon leaving the café, and Kihyun gets up from his seat in the back of the coffee shop next door with an overpriced americano and a stale pastry. He's glaring at Minhyuk's Instagram update from ten minutes ago that he'd paused _The Princess and the Frog_ specifically for, a selca of his friends and Hyungwon at the table smiling with V's like they've known him for years, and it's not even conspicuous that Kihyun belongs in this photo, too, (preferably without Hyungwon.) "I feel like I'm overreacting, but I also feel like I'm not. Should I feel angry that he's basically stolen my friends away from me?"

"Maybe," Hyunwoo shrugs, waving a damp rag at him.

Kihyun lifts his empty cup for him to wipe the table down. "What kind of response is that?" he laughs.

"I think that you haven't given him a chance."

"Why should I? He's an asshole."

"Well, you know how when I first met Minhyuk I didn't really like him," Hyunwoo tells him, lowly, as if Minhyuk will suddenly appear.

"Of course," Kihyun nods.

"He was kind of annoying. Everywhere I went, I'd turn around and Minhyuk's there, talking, and I usually ignored him, because it was simpler than replying, and because I thought eventually he'd get the idea and just leave me alone."

"But he didn't," Kihyun finishes for him, pressing a finger to his nostril and in the best impersonation of Minhyuk last year, _"Sunbaenim, how are you? Sunbaenim, have you eaten? Sunbaenim, I like you! Sunbaenim! Sunbaenim! Sunbaenim!"_

Hyunwoo laughs. "That's impressive."

Kihyun smiles at his friend, and stands to follow Hyunwoo to the counter, tossing his coffee cup in the trash. "So, hyung, what's the point of the story?"

"Point of what story?" he asks, and then, "Oh, yeah. I was just saying that I didn't find out Minhyukie isn't annoying until I actually started listening to him, so, maybe it'll be the same with you and Hyungwon." 

"It's different, though," Kihyun sighs.

"How?"

"Because we both hate each other, and Minhyuk isn't an arrogant, probably rich asshole. Also, Minhyuk is still annoying."

Hyunwoo laughs again. "Yeah, but I like it," he stupidly smiles, eyes squinting, as the soft playing of _call me your darling darling_ flows from the speakers. "I like him a lot."

Kihyun grimaces. "And that's my cue to leave."

Another laugh. "See you tomorrow?"

"Not if Mister Chae is here," he says. Hyunwoo waves him off, and Kihyun pushes open the door to the heat, a kind, light breeze brushing at his skin as he rushes off to catch a bus. 

 

 

He tries, but listening to Hyungwon isn't a solution, it just —  _he_ just becomes much more of a problem. 

Kihyun finds Hyungwon on his couch alongside Changkyun coming from class, the two laughing into ice-cream cones over the screen of Changkyun's outdated mac. Kihyun's instinct is to head to the kitchen for his studying equipment, but, instead, he's stepping into the living room, cautiously, as if he doesn't belong there.

"Hey," Kihyun greets, softly, and then kicking Changkyun's legs from off the coffee table. "Keep your feet off this table; it was really expensive, okay?"

Changkyun scowls, but nonetheless, obliges, pulling his feet up to sit on instead as Kihyun plops on the other side of him. There's nothing compelling on the screen of Changkyun's laptop, just a paused shooting game he'd gotten with his paycheck, and a window of four tabs opened of Facebook and pointless YouTube videos.

"Why don't you just buy another one?" Hyungwon suddenly says. Kihyun hums, questionably, pulling his eyes from Changkyun's fast fingers flying across the keyboard. "Another table," he elaborates, "it looks as if you've had it for a while. You should replace it."

 _Why does it matter to you?_ Kihyun wants to say, maybe even snap at him, but instead he swallows, looking to the screen of Changkyun's lap with his lips pushed into a tight line. "It's a good table."

"But you've had to duct tape the leg of it," Hyungwon mentions, pointing a finger to the coffee table, as if Kihyun hadn't done it myself.

He blinks. "To preserve it."

"It has marks all over it, too," Hyungwon obliviously continues, or maybe he's aware of how much he's pissing Kihyun off. "I could make you a new table. It's really not that complicated, even _you'd_ understand it if I explained it."

Kihyun glares, sucking in a deep breath, "Of course," he murmurs. "If I wanted a new table, I wouldn't want it made from you, but we don't need a new table, so we're not getting one."

"Actually, we should buy a new table, hyung," Changkyun chimes in, and then wincing, dark hair flying into a tousled mess at the pillow Kihyun smacks to his roommate's head.

"Do you have new table money?" Kihyun asks, maybe a little too sharply. He places the pillow—his weapon—in his lap and embraces it. "I don't think so."

"Well," Changkyun contemplates, "next paycheck? We can combine our money and find a new table."

"The table is perfectly fine," Kihyun sighs, shooting a glare only meant for Hyungwon, before looking to his roommate again. "We should spend our money on stuff that matters, like rent, groceries, clothes, a new fucking laptop, because seriously I have no idea how this ancient thing is still working properly. Really, how crucial is this table to our lives?"

There's a silence. Changkyun stares at the coffee table, contemplatively, as if he's actually measuring its relevance towards him, and Kihyun tries to keep the need to rip all the hair from Hyungwon's head to a minimum. It's like he wants to rub in how well off he is, how he doesn't need scholarships to expensive universities, how he can just easily get up and buy a whole new damn table when the leg breaks. Kihyun's hands are balled into fists when he hears it — Hyungwon's laugh, and he nearly jumps over his roommate to swing at him.

"What?" Kihyun asks, already defensive. Hyungwon doesn't respond, only laughs harder into his palm. "Seriously, what's so funny?"

"Y-you just," Hyungwon stammers, head dropping onto the cushion of the sofa and dark hair falling from his forehead, "Changkyun wasn't wrong when he'd said you're like a mother."

Kihyun has never felt as if being called the mother of the group was an insult, but hearing Hyungwon laugh about it, suddenly it seems like a title he should feel ashamed of. It makes him uncomfortable that Changkyun even happened to talk about that, anyway, he can already see it: the two of them sat on the lawn of their university underneath the sun for lunch, laughing at something probably stupid, and Changkyun complaining about his roommate scolding him for not cleaning up after himself, scolding him for messily kicking his shoes off at the door, scolding him for not having things the way Kihyun likes them—the right way, as he calls it, and Hyungwon laughing along, the two of them judging him.

"I'm going to study," Kihyun murmurs, pushing the pillow into Changkyun's chest and dragging himself into the room. Once he's alone, he tries shaking it off, and after long, deep breaths, face-palms, he's fine perfectly fine. _You're clearly overreacting, always overreacting._

Kihyun inhales again, and sighs, before plopping down at his desk.

 

 

"Excuse me." It's the next morning, 6 AM, and Kihyun stands across from Hyungwon, the two boys attached from two, tight grips on a book. Kihyun tries to smile, he really does, and he's smiling so hard that his cheekbones ache and he's sure he has crazy eyes, wide with a psychotic stare, because he didn't wait in front of the library for forty-five minutes to check out the last edition of the mandatory textbook for his course he'd somehow managed to lose just to have some asshole snatch it from beneath his fingertips. "I'm pretty sure my hand was here first."

"That's debatable," Hyungwon says, and he smiles something that seems as if it's meant to portray amiability just as much as it's meant to make Kihyun want to sock him in the mouth. "I think my hand was here first, actually."

"And I think your hand was not," Kihyun hisses. He stares at Hyungwon, brows furrowed, and his other hand latching onto the book protectively. 

Hyungwon snorts. "You're really something, aren't you? Just be fair and hand it over. I was here before you and I need it for class."

"Who says _I_ don't need it for class?" Hyungwon apparently doesn't like this answer, and attempts yanking the book from Kihyun's hands, but only happens to send the smaller boy stumbling into him. "What's your reason for fighting?" Kihyun mutely shouts. "Couldn't you just make a few phone calls and have the company ship you four-thousand copies of these? Ring up your mommy and daddy and have them driving down here with a truckload of books for your courses? I can't, though, so I'm not leaving this library without this damn book, because I'm actually looking to passing with the best scores this semester, like every other semester there is!"

"Oh, wow, Yoo Kihyun bragging, what a surprise." Hyungwon jerks at the book again, Kihyun tripping back into him, and the taller boy falling into a table. It seems as if it's meant to be Kihyun's victory, but Hyungwon's grip is still there, still struggling against him. 

"Let go!" Kihyun demands.

"No!" Hyungwon jerks at the book again, and Kihyun falls on top of him, still wrestling, because his life basically depends on it, and he's not leaving the library without this damn book in his hands, (even if Hyungwon's knee is digging so far into his abdomen Kihyun swears he can feel it all the way to his spine, and there's a frightened freshman peeking at them from behind a bookcase.)

"Ugh, what a bastard!" Kihyun huffs, before someone has finally caught notice of the two seniors attacking each other on a wooden table, and a woman is struggling to untangle them.

(In the end, they're both banned from the library. Kihyun and Hyungwon stand across from the building, angry, hair and clothes tousled, and neither in possession of the textbook.)

"This is all your fault," Kihyun murmurs, kicking at the building, which he instantly regrets. "I can't believe you. This library holds my life. Do you know how bad it'll look, me being banned from the library for fighting?"

"You should've just let go of the book then," Hyungwon simply tells him. 

" _You_ should've just let go of the book," he corrects, eyes rolling. "But no, you have to be so, so ruthless! Now I'm going to fail this class, so thanks for that, bastard. It's like you've climbed up from fucking hell and have come to, like, ruin my life! It's so ridiculous, seriously."

Hyungwon coughs into the collar of his shirt, long fingers hooking onto the leather straps of his Coach backpack. "I'm going to my class now," he murmurs, as if Kihyun cares where he goes. He glares at him, watching the tall boy walk away from him, and exhaling now that he's gotten rid of him. Kihyun doesn't move, though. He stands there, just staring at the concrete as if he might cry, and it's really not a good time for Hyungwon to return. But he does, actually. In a jog.

"What do you want?" Kihyun spats.

"I forgot to give you this." He watches curiously as Hyungwon squats to the ground, unzipping his backpack and pulling a laminated folder from it. "Here."

Kihyun stares at the folder, brows scrunched, and then looks to Hyungwon, and then to the long, outstretched arm, before reluctantly accepting it. "What is this?"

"My essay."

"Essay?" Kihyun repeats. He flips to the first page, eyes fixing on the title _The Most Overrated School In The World_ , and then up to Hyungwon's stupid face. "Wow, what an amateur title. Surely something I expect from someone who describes Harvard University as _overrated_."

Hyungwon shrugs. "Give it a read when you're prepared to face the facts."

Kihyun glares.

"Goodbye," he says in English, and then walks off. Kihyun watches him until he's disappearing behind a building, and then trails his eyes to the essay in his hands.

"Ugh," he whispers, "bastard."

 

 

-o-

 

 

There's a pool and Foosball table replacing two of the sofas in Minhyuk and Jooheon's living room, one of the couches pushed onto the side alongside a comfy recliner. Kihyun pulls off his shoes and slides open the door to the entrance of his friends' flat, a heavy thump of _that's why I need a one dance, got a Hennessy in my hand_ pounding from underneath his feet. The party is in two hours, but Minhyuk and Jooheon have barely hung up any of the decorations. Bright-colored balloons cover the living room floor, and a large, colorful banner hangs by the door welcoming the guest with Minhyuk's SNS accounts written underneath and Jooheon's SoundCloud.

"Hey, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk sings from a ladder, taping his gold party streamers to the ceiling. "Doesn't our living room look nice?"

Kihyun takes in the wide space, laughing at Jooheon and Hyunwoo busting out awful dance moves to the _baby, I like your style,_ thumping from the small sound system, and nods. "Yeah, sure. Kind of looks like a kid's birthday party, though."

"Hyung, I told you the balloons were overdoing it," Jooheon says, out of breath. "I made him return like half of the decorations, but he wouldn't let go of the balloons. Or the party streamers."

Minhyuk pouts at him, and then looks back to Kihyun. "Hand me the tape over on the couch," he orders. Kihyun plucks a small roll of clear tape from the couch and slips it into Minhyuk's palm. "So, Kihyun-ah," his friend says, biting through a thin stripe of tape and handing the roll back to him, "did you bring a plus one?"

"I asked Yoongi if he'd like to come, but he's probably already forgotten that I'd even invited him," Kihyun shrugs. "It's fine, though, right? I've come with a case of beer."

"Aw, look at you participating, you," Minhyuk coos, and then reaching for the tape again. "We have a lot of drinks, though. See if you can fit it in the fridge. If not, pour all the cans into the cooler."

"In the kitchen?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Kihyun heads into the connected room—the kitchen—eyeing packs of plates, napkins, and red Solo cups set on the counter, a thawing pack of meat placed by the sink with large bags of nacho chips. The fridge is packed, unsurprisingly, but somehow Kihyun manages to store a few cans inside at the bottom, squatting, and wondering how this night will go, definitely unprepared for —

"I'm surprised you're here."

Kihyun glares at the tall boy and pulls himself onto his feet with a scoff. "I'm not surprised you are."

Hyungwon snorts, long arms crossing over his chest as he nudges the fridge closed with a hip. "Seems like your comebacks need a little work."

"Whatever."

"I didn't see you as the one to attend parties," he says, following Kihyun to the cooler, "or come with beer. I'm impressed."

"So everyone smart is automatically a goody two-shoes in your book, huh?" Kihyun rolls his eyes, Hyungwon trailing after him and lifting the lid of the cooler. With a cold-stoned stare, Kihyun slips the cans into the huddle of ice cubes.

"Not necessarily, just boys who tuck their shirts in all the time," he smiles teasingly at Kihyun's floral button-down, done all the way up to his neck, "and boys who wear mom jeans, gosh, those are awful."

Kihyun frowns at his faded jeans, cuffed at the ankles. "Mom jeans? These aren't mom jeans, dumbass."

"Really?" Hyungwon laughs again, dark hair brushing his glasses. "I'm pretty sure those are mom jeans."

"Whatever, fuck you."

He disappears back into the living room and sits on the couch, Minhyuk angrily chasing Jooheon with a fly swatter as the younger boy sprints across the floor, giggling, and popping all of Minhyuk's balloons. And Kihyun doesn't look at Hyungwon as his friends run around preparing for the party, and an hour later, Hoseok and Changkyun come bursting inside, instantly bouncing around in the living room to some Kid Ink song with even more cases of alcohol.

(But once six o'clock does roll around and most of the lights turn off, Kihyun does slip into the wash room, pulling his shirt from his jeans ((that are definitely not mom jeans, okay)) and letting one button go undone, and then two, before rolling his eyes at his reflection and joining the party.)

The hype is kept to a minimal for the sake of Changkyun, and mostly everyone is lounged around, playing pool, Foosball, and darts, or staring at a muted TV with slow captions. Kihyun watches from the doorway of the kitchen, an empty Solo cup in one hand, a soju bottle in the other. He maps out where he belongs, where he could slip in without feeling awkward and out of place. There's Jooheon and Minhyuk violently dancing by themselves in the corner, which is an automatic no, and Hyunwoo and Changkyun on the couch with beer cans, squished against a group of boisterous, chatty freshers—another definite no—and then Hyungwon and Hoseok in a game of darts, talking and laughing into the crusts of pizza and — _no no no._

He glances to the group of theatre kids surrounding the Foosball table, and it's where he should perfectly fit, but he doesn't. It's not for certain that they don't like him, but it's palpable, as palpable as his partner chef at the restaurant bluntly saying she hates him when he'd asked to use her spatula.

Kihyun finds where he belongs back in the kitchen, a bar stool pulled up to the kitchen counter, so he doesn't have to stand whilst watching  _Peter Pan_ from his phone. He's perfectly fine, seriously, even if he is all by himself, so he doesn't understand Hyungwon's purpose of pulling up a bar stool next to him, or why Hyungwon's interested in sitting beside him at all.

"I think people who hate each other should just go separate paths," Kihyun flatly says, pausing his film and turning to Hyungwon. "I think you should feel this way, too."

"Darts got pretty boring," Hyungwon yawns, "and I didn't want you looking lame, watching cartoons all by yourself and mixing water in your soju."

"So you're watching me now? Great."

"I'm very observant," he tells him, and Kihyun rolls his eyes before pouring the last drops of his soju into a cup, along with the last drops of his water. "To be honest, I'm not a big fan of parties either."

"Who says I'm not a big fan of parties?"

Hyungwon's eyes squint from behind the lens of his glasses.

"I like parties," Kihyun says, simply, and then looking to the screen of his phone, "and it wasn't too hard to figure out that you didn't like them. I mean, you look uncomfortable everywhere."

"That's not true."

"It's so true," he laughs. "You're always hard-faced and when you're smiling, it's like your forcing it. So repulsive. It's funny, actually, in your essay you focused so much on the percentage of unhappy students at Harvard, yet you, the smartest of the smartest, Chae Hyungwon, don't look so happy even with your past of Oxford."

A smile slips over his lips. "You gave it a read?"

"The essay?" Kihyun asks. Hyungwon hums, tipping his head back to down a can of beer. "Yeah, unfortunately."

"And how'd you like it?"

"Well, it was all bullshit, really," he says. Hyungwon snorts, dropping his can onto the counter, and wiping his mouth onto the back of his hand. "But, if I'm going to be honest, you made a few rational, valid points. Acceptable grammar, acceptable punctuation, and the counterargument was, I guess, impressive. You could've written it in a better format, though, but what can I expect from an anti-Harvard?"

His smile widens, teeth and all, and Kihyun quickly tugs his eyes away. "What grade would you give me?"

"Hm," he hums into his cup, "an A, but don't get all cocky about it, you're still terribly wrong about Harvard. Your argument was just strong, surprisingly, and I must admit, delivered pretty well."

"My essay was perfect," Hyungwon sings into his ear, and then laughs, his breath tickling Kihyun's skin. "Best one I've written."

"Best one you've written?" Kihyun grimaces. "I'd hate to see the other essays you've happened to pull from your ass then."

Hyungwon pulls a hand through his hair with a laugh, leaving it messy on his head and swept to the side. 

"I really did feel like you spent too long focusing on what I felt to be your weakest argument," Kihyun mentions, taking another hit of his watered soju.

"And what was my weakest argument?"

"That a large percent of Harvard students tend to be miserable."

"And how did that argument become my weakest?"

"Because the happiness of students in a university doesn't affect the greatness of it."

Hyungwon stares, thoughtfully, "How come?"

"The road to success is difficult, okay? It's stressful, a kick in the ass, really, but as long as you get to the end of it, happiness doesn't actually matter. You're never really going to be happy being successful, anyway. It doesn't matter if you are."

"But if you succeed at something and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you've failed?"

"No," Kihyun immediately replies, and there's something else to go along with this, he's sure of it, but all he mutters out once again is, "No."

"Hm," he laughs, "in my future I see another essay proving you wrong and proving me right, as always."

Kihyun huffs, finishing off his cup and setting it aside. "What do you know, anyway? You're always angry."

"As if you can talk."

"Why do you say that?"

"You snap at absolutely anything and everything," Hyungwon tells him, casually, "and you get so frustrated when things don't go your way, like a little brat. That's what really is repulsive, right?"

He huffs to the screen of his phone, although he'd rather smack his soju bottle over Hyungwon's head. "Hey, why don't you just stop talking and go get me a beer?"

At this, Hyungwon stands with a frown, arms stretching over his head, and Kihyun looks away, swiping his tongue over the taste of watery soju on his lips because he may or may not have spent too long staring at the stripe of tan skin exposed from underneath the rise of his tee shirt. "Don't start thinking you can just go around ordering me to do stuff for you."

Kihyun catches a little smile tugging at his lips whilst Hyungwon saunters off to the fridge, and with a grimace, licks at his lips again. His eyes find the doorway of the kitchen, fingers absently curling around his earphones as Minhyuk jumps past with Hyunwoo, shoulders shuffling to a Sistar song, and Hoseok's distinct laugh ringing through the flat over the chorus.

(It's true he likes parties. Even if they're not really for people like him, even if parties don't accept him as well as Jooheon or Minhyuk, the atmosphere is always nice, always energetic, and he may or may not enjoy seeing his friends so happy.)

(But don't tell them that.)

Hyungwon returns once Kihyun's earphones are plugged back into his ears, once again engrossed in the film _Peter Pan_ , despite the many times he's seen it. He'd seen it so many times in fact that he knows every song, every line, although in actuality, Kihyun has this relationship with almost any Disney movie. "Hey," Hyungwon greets, pressing the cold can to the inside of Kihyun's neck. Kihyun jumps, squealing like a little girl, and almost falls from his seat. Hyungwon laughs. "I brought the beer, like you asked."

"Bastard," Kihyun hisses before snatching the can from his grasp.

He only smiles, fond of himself as he plops back down. "What cartoon are you watching, anyway?"

"It's _Peter Pan_ ," he says, going for a tone of voice that doesn't reveal how much of a kid he really is, but he doesn't think it really matters since Hyungwon only nods, confused.

" _Peter Pan_ ," he repeats, thoughtfully, as if the title is foreign on his tongue. "That's some Disney film, right?"

"Some Disney film?" Kihyun scoffs, posture straightening, and, "What do you mean _some Disney film?_ As if you've never seen _Peter Pan_."

Hyungwon nods, clueless, "Because I've never seen it."

"That's," Kihyun shakes his head, popping open his beer, "that's really sad. You're living a sad life."

"How? I've never seen a Disney film ever, actually, now that I'm thinking of it."

He chokes, beer drizzling from his mouth. _"What?"_  Kihyun nearly screams, or _does_ scream, rather, since Hyungwon jumps.

"I've seen _Frozen_ before," he murmurs. "That movie about winter and letting it go?"

A huff. Kihyun leans his elbow from the counter, taking a swig from his can and scrutinizing the features of Hyungwon's face, the confirmation of its accuracy, and slams his can onto the table. "You're serious? The only Disney movie you've ever seen is _Frozen?"_

"Unfortunately," Hyungwon grimaces, laughing at the drop of Kihyun's jaw. "It kind of sucked, okay?"

"Kind of sucked?"

"Okay, it really sucked."

Kihyun hits his arm.

"Ya! What do you want from me?"

"Frozen was perfect!" Kihyun argues. "The animation was absolutely great, and the story line, it was perfectly developed with a great plot twist that was so upsetting that it made the movie great, and there was finally a Disney movie where it wasn't about some damsel in distress."

"Didn't her parents, like, die, or something?" Hyungwon slowly recalls. "And then her sister, the ice bitch, was like ignoring her and, you know, nearly killed her?"

"So what?"

"So, it's kind of about some damsel in distress."

Kihyun stares at him, hard, before picking up his beer in one hand and yanking Hyungwon onto his feet with the other. "Come on."

"Come on where?" Hyungwon asks, although he follows Kihyun out of the kitchen and through the living room, shouldering past laughing college students, before Kihyun's leading him down a dark hallway. "Is this the part where I find out you're a psychopath and then you murder me?"

"Oh, I wish," Kihyun mumbles, pushing open the door of Jooheon's bedroom. He drags Hyungwon inside, shutting the door behind him, and pushing his can of beer into Hyungwon's large hand. _"Sit."_

He eyes Kihyun suspiciously, but nonetheless, obliges, slowly plopping down on the edge of Jooheon's twin-sized bed as Kihyun pulls a box from underneath it. Quickly, his fingers search through textbooks, notebooks from middle school, a DVD player, and Michael Jackson and Pink Floyd record albums, before he finds the cracked DVD case of Aladdin.

"Here we go," Kihyun sings, happily waving the case at him, and then hauling the DVD player onto Jooheon's bed. "Go make yourself useful and hook this up."

 

 

"Oh, great," Hyungwon mumbles into a slice of cheese pizza, long legs crossing at the ankle, "a boring song to open up this boring movie that you just have to know _all_ the words to."

 _"Sh!"_ Kihyun hisses, shoving Hyungwon at the shoulder, singing along to the _hop a carpet and fly to another Arabian night_ playing from the small TV. They're sat on the carpeted floor of Jooheon's room, backs pressed against his bed, and legs surrounded by the many snacks and plenty of beer Hyungwon stacked up on as Kihyun got the film started.

Hyungwon still doesn't budge. He sits, uninterested, finishing off his slice of pizza with a sigh, and then an annoyed huff, popping himself open a beer. "So far the only character I like is that Jafar guy, or his sidekick, Iago. I don't know why his sidekick can't be, like, a human, though, but whatever. This is what you like, after all."

Rolling his eyes, Kihyun tips back his head and finishes off his beer, before perfectly aligning it next to the one he'd finished before. "Just shut up, okay?"

Hyungwon huffs, but falls silent, besides the annoying slurps from his can. Kihyun stares at the screen of the TV, lips moving in sync with the characters as if he belongs in the movie himself, a little smile on his lips.

(He'd liked to pretend sometimes, as a child, of course, when his parents weren't within earshot, so that they wouldn't know that he was wasting his time doing something that didn't involve his education.)

"Is it really necessary for him to be singing right now?" Hyungwon sighs. "I mean, he's being chased, and he's just so nonchalant and happy, casually throwing out a musical number, because that's _so_ realistic, like his monkey friend."

"Shut up," Kihyun snaps at him, although, in contrast, the stupid smile on his face as he watches the screen is still there. He's holding a can in his hands and sipping at it fondly, as if it's a winter morning and he's drinking from a mug of hot chocolate, and whether Hyungwon's being an asshole or not, he's happy. "This just shows Aladdin's personality."

Hyungwon looks at him, face twisted in a grimace. "Well, this personality of his is stupid."

Kihyun knocks their shoulders, and Hyungwon lets out a laugh before plucking a beef egg roll from the ceramic plate he'd stolen from Minhyuk and Jooheon's cabinets. And for a little, Kihyun gets a little silence, but barely. 

"Oh, of course," Hyungwon groans. "All it took was one look and now he's in love with her, right? And to think this movie couldn't get any more cringe-worthy."

"Maybe if you weren't too busy criticizing the whole damn film then you'd actually enjoy it."

Hyungwon contemplates this, momentarily, and then shakes his head. "No, pretty sure I'd still be annoyed, and disgusted."

"Funny that that's how I feel whenever I'm with you."

"Oh, wow," Hyungwon groans at the TV once again, "she's in love with him because he saved her. That's rather irritating."

"If a shirtless hottie saved me from getting my arm cut, I'd like to think I'd fall pretty fast, too," Kihyun tells him. 

"I'm going to just let the fact you referred to a fictional character as a _hottie_ slide," he laughs, absently leaning into Kihyun, "and just give you a simple, wordless, face-palm."

Kihyun rolls his eyes. "Well, at least it's wordless."

Finally, there's a silence, and Hyungwon does actually face-palm for quite some time before focusing on the TV again. They then make it through the entire film without Hyungwon's unnecessary commentary, surprisingly, but of course there's still the incessant huffs of exasperation, angry slurping, scrunched brows, and occasional eye roll. Kihyun's surprised he's made it until the credits without strangling the boy, but he also assumes it's because of the accumulating empty beers by his side, and a half-empty can held in a hand as the film comes to an end.

"Well," Hyungwon says, "that was terrible."

"How?" Kihyun desperately sighs, scrambling to eject the DVD. "How could _Aladdin_ possibly be terrible to you, or _anyone_ , honestly?"

"Where should I start?" he hums, tapping a long finger to his chin, and then, "Okay, Princess Jasmine is like supposed to be independent, rejecting the law that basically sets her up as some prize to men, right?"

Kihyun nods, questionably, adding, "Which she hates."

"Yet it's like the end of the film entirely contradicts her independent personality, because in the end, she still needed some guy to save her, and of course the guy who saves her is who she chooses," Hyungwon says, smugly, "because she'd be stupid to, apparently."

"Are you telling me that Aladdin wasn't a good fit for her?"

"Well, to be honest, he really wasn't, but her non-existent independent mentality was just annoying. She's supposed to be independent yet she just sits around complaining all the time, not really doing anything to change what she complains about. She's just all whine, whine, whine, no action. She doesn't even stand up to her father! So really, she's not independent at all."

"B-but she ran away."

"Because running away solves all your problems," he rolls his eyes, a frown tugging at his lips, and with a sigh he continues. "The love story was also annoying. Aladdin and Prince Jasmine's romance made me want to gag every time they were near each other, or even spoke of each other. And oh, there was way too much singing."

Kihyun pulls himself onto his knees to face Hyungwon, a little too quickly, apparently, since the room momentarily spins. "You know what? You, Chae Hyungwon, you fool, you predictable bastard," he angrily slurs, finger punching into Hyungwon's chest, but he's sure he maps it out wrong and accidentally pokes his nipple, "being so hateful towards love. You're probably into those bitter relationships, where two people have been married so long they're disgusted with each other!"

"It's more realistic than the love at first sight, the fireworks exploding at the end," Hyungwon sharply replies. "But if we're talking about what's predicted of us, then I'm not so surprised you're succumbed to such a shitty concept either!"

"It's not shitty, okay?" he sighs, head shaking. "But you don't get it, because you're just this angry person who wants to stay angry and hopeless his whole entire damn life, judging people who don't live their life in bitterness, like you!" 

"You mean the people who think unrealistically? Because I'm pretty sure those are the only ones who would even watch this stupid film and think someday this person who's meant for you will fall in love with you at first glance and save you from some guy about to cut your arm off!"

Kihyun shoves him, weakly, nearly sending himself falling, too. _"Ugh!"_ he groans, eyes fluttering closed, a hand pulling through his hair. _"_ You're unbelievable, seriously! _What a bastard —"_

Hands grip his collar, yanking him in, and Kihyun reaches out to shove him again, maybe even fist at his shirt, but he finds himself frozen. Paralyzed. Their noses nearly brushing, Hyungwon's breath tickling Kihyun's lips, and the dark eyes behind clean lenses watching the shorter boy, wide, confused. Hyungwon's grip loosens, and it's as if he's frozen, too, just holding him, breathing him in with uncertainty. 

"What?" Kihyun manages to say, and it's meant to be stern, confident, but his voice comes in a whisper, unsteady and vulnerable, almost. "If you're going to kiss me, then," he swallows, "just do it."

Hyungwon pushes Kihyun away, just like that, scrambling from him, breathing heavily and fixing his glasses. Kihyun sucks in a deep breath, wonders when he happened to lose his head. Maybe after the third drink, or maybe now —

maybe now that he'd nearly tasted Hyungwon's lips and now he feels empty, as if he's pining for something he's never even had.

A glance to Hyungwon and Kihyun's absently picking at a rip in his jeans, surprised that Hyungwon's already looking at him, pensively, as if he's figuring him out. Kihyun tries figuring him out, too, and himself; why he moves back into him and why Hyungwon does, too, why there's a hand to his hip, and lips, parted, brushing his teasingly.

"Seriously," Kihyun fists his shirt, desperate, "just fucking kiss me already."

So he does. Soft and warm, like an innocent kiss you'd share underneath the bleachers as a high school freshman. Hyungwon's hand tightens on his hip and Kihyun lets his hands rest on his shoulders, letting himself slip a little, letting himself melt. 

(And it's all wrong, so not Kihyun's type, so not Aladdin and Jasmine, so not the other kisses he's shared where he's head over heels and fully, temporarily in love, yet there's something still amazing about it, and maybe that's Hyungwon's point.)

(A right stupid point, that is.)

They don't talk once Kihyun's hands fall from his shoulders, and Hyungwon scoots away, quickly, staring at the dark TV in silence. Kihyun's lips burn, tingle, cheeks warm, and he's breathing heavily when Hyungwon laughs.

Kihyun looks to him, reluctantly, watches Hyungwon's fingers brush his own lips, before there's a hand pushing through his dark hair, shaking it up, an uneasy sigh pushing from his mouth. And Kihyun laughs, too, in his palms, covering his face, until that warmth has left.

(Because laughing is simply much easier than talking about it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love aladdin btw excuse hyungwon


	2. of fantasy and butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot to hate about Hyungwon.
> 
> And a lot to kind of, maybe, sort of, eleven-percent like.

"Don't think I hate you any less, by the way," Kihyun informs Hyungwon the next morning they're leaning against the kitchen island, silently downing the drinks Minhyuk had picked up for their hangovers. Hyungwon only laughs at this, softly, pushing up his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "I'm serious," Kihyun firmly says. "I still hate you, maybe even more than I did before, actually."

"It's interesting you're the one to say this," Hyungwon chuckles, eyes heavy and squinting with sleep, "since I didn't kiss you."

Kihyun scoffs and finishes off his drink before dropping the bottle to the counter. "You so kissed me."

"The way I remember it, _you_ kissed _me,_ " he rasps with a slight lift of his shoulder. There's a smug smile on his face as he pushes himself from the counter, leaning so closely to Kihyun's ear that he's afraid if he moves his lips might touch him. _"Just kiss me already,"_  Hyungwon softly whines. _"If you're going to kiss me, just do it."_

"Ugh." Kihyun shoves him, quickly turning away at the flushing of his cheeks. He doesn't want to admit it—because he definitely didn't kiss Hyungwon—but he feels a little embarrassed with himself. It's humiliating, how weak he became, and so quickly, as if just the smallest indication of affection can have him entirely falling into someone. He's sure Hyungwon thinks he's just some easy, lovesick fool now, but then again, Kihyun couldn't careless what Hyungwon thinks of him. He still hates him. A lot, actually. Everything little thing about him. 

"Don't," Kihyun murmurs before turning back around to face him, chin lifting, "don't be stupid and think it meant anything, okay?"

Hyungwon places his empty bottle beside Kihyun's with a thud, wiping a wrist over his lips. "Same goes for you."

"Well, at least we're on the same page."

And it's all they say to each other. Kihyun tosses his bottle away and joins his hungover friends in the living room sluggishly picking up cans and bottles from the floor and depositing it into a large garbage bag Minhyuk—the only one who hadn't drunk last night—holds out for them. Kihyun's head aches, and he's pretty sure it no longer has anything to do with last night's alcohol consumption and everything to do with the bastard he'd left behind in the kitchen. 

"Hey, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk calls, waving a full garbage bag towards him as Hoseok sighs and shakes out a new one, "can you take this outside for me? Thank you!"

Kihyun sarcastically smiles at the bag suddenly thrusted into his hands before stepping into his pair of sneakers at the door and dragging himself to the trash. He squints at the bright sun through his fingers, a yawn slipping from his mouth once he's scurrying over to the bins pushed to the side of the apartment and apathetically sorting through the cans and bottles to toss each object he comes across in its particular bin. Kihyun's not sure how his mind comes to Hyungwon, probably because Hyungwon is trash, but of course, he ends up thinking of Hyungwon.

He doesn't snarl at the thought of him, or feel like rolling his eyes. Now all Kihyun can seem to do is cringe and vigorously shake his head as if it'd erase the horrid memory of Hyungwon from his mind. He lets out a sigh once he's finished off the bag and sluggishly makes his way back towards the apartment building, a hand pulling through his hair.

(And he definitely doesn't think of Hyungwon's lips, how soft they'd felt against his, or think of that stupid hand on his hip, fitting so perfectly and leaving Kihyun a little empty once it'd left.)

 

 

-o-

 

 

Kihyun pushes himself to his toes and, with a little struggle, successfully takes his backpack from the coat rack. _"Changkyun-ah!"_ he calls, arms pulling through the straps as he kicks his indoor shoes off. _"Im Changkyun!"_

Seconds later his roommate appears from the door of the bedroom in their—but mostly Kihyun's—rolling chair, an earbud in one ear and his tablet in hand. "Does this involve standing? I'm kind of in the middle of _Attack On Titan_."

"Really?" Changkyun nods, and then grips onto the doorway with a hand to push himself back into the room. "But wait, aren't you coming to our theatre meet to see your little piglet?"

His roommate pauses to contemplate this. "Eh," is all he says before re-preparing to leave.

 _"Wait!"_ Changkyun pauses in the doorway once again, a sigh leaving his lips. "What's wrong? Did you have a fight with Jooheon?"

"No, we're perfectly fine, actually. Let's just say I'm trying to keep it that way."

"What does keeping things fine between you guys have to do with not showing up to our theatre meet?"

"I show up to every theatre meet although I'm not a part of theatre just so I can see Jooheon," Changkyun slowly lays out for him. "And if I start showing up for every theatre meet he'll get too comfortable with me showing up, so then one day when I don't show up our whole entire kind-of-sort-of relationship will turn into a big mess."

Kihyun stares at him, pensively, eyes narrowing.

"Mm-hmm," he nods. "Great thinking in advance, huh? Isn't that you're always on my ass about?"

"Oh my, God," Kihyun gasps and Changkyun smugly smiles, pointing a finger at him, "you're such an idiot."

His smile instantly falls. "Says the one who's still single — I'm joking! I'm joking!"

Kihyun lowers the shoe he'd instantly snatched to attack Changkyun with, hesitant, and steps into his pair of sneakers, having to sit to pull his heels into the shoes. "I hate you," he murmurs. "I'm going now, though, the bus should be here soon."

"Mm-hmm," Changkyun hums, uninterested, before rolling himself back into the room, and then quickly returning. "Can you cook Indian tonight?"

"I can bring back take-out if you pay me back," he offers.

Changkyun grimaces, but still accepts this option nonetheless, slowly rolling himself back into the room and closing the door behind him. Kihyun waits a few seconds, just in case his roommate has anything else to say to him, before swinging the front door open and shouting a farewell Changkyun half-heartedly reciprocates. Kihyun sprints off towards the bus stop, backpack flapping against his back, although he really doesn't have to. The bus stop isn't that far off from Kihyun and Changkyun's apartment, and he's right on time leaving, but then again, he's experienced too many incidents of leaving right on time and entirely missing the bus. Don't ask, he still doesn't understand it.

Hoseok rings him just as he's reaching the bus stop, and Kihyun has to pat at all four pockets before finally finding his phone. "Hello?" he slowly answers, breathing heavily.

"You sound like you just ran to the bus," Hoseok states, instead of properly greeting him, "so you must be on your way to theatre?"

"Great analysis." He shields his face from the sun with a hand. "What's up, though? Are you going to pick me up?"

"No, I have a job interview so I won't be able to make it," Hoseok explains with a sigh that crackles into the phone. "Can you make sure to catch me up? Along with Jooheon and Minhyuk."

Kihyun's brows furrow. "They're not coming?"

"Yeah, Minhyuk was supposed to catch me up, but he's stuck at the house with Jooheon," he says. "He woke up sick and was being all whiny about it so Minhyuk has been nursing him since this morning."

"Ah, well, that's not really surprising."

Hoseok laughs. "Anyway, I'm a little nervous right now. Any words of encouragement?"

"You're going to suck," Kihyun instantly says.

"Be serious!"

"You don't think I'm being serious?" Hoseok groans and Kihyun laughs. "You don't have to have words of encouragement, because you're going to do great. Breathe, be natural, and make sure they'll regret not hiring you. Oh, and you know, don't smile a lot, it'll make you look cheesy. Save that gorgeous eye smile for when you get the job."

His friend's smile is palpable, which floods him with relief. Kihyun's still not sure if he's good at this pep-talk thing.

"Uh, hyung," he says to the sound of the bus' arrival, "I have to go now. Call me when you get back home, okay?"

"I will. Fighting!"

"Fighting!" Kihyun repeats before pocketing his phone.

 

 

The meet is uncomfortable without his friends, or, rather, boring. Usually, Kihyun's idiot friends tend to leave him with a killer headache (and homicidal thoughts,) but, honestly, they bring life to pretty much anything he does. He's sure it's rather obvious, too, with how awkward he navigates through the theatre once he's arriving before Director Song. There's never really been a time when he didn't know where to sit coming to their theatre meets. Usually, he can count on Hoseok and Minhyuk on the stage, or Jooheon waving at him from the first row, or Hoseok alone with a bag of candy he'd sneaked inside and hurrying Kihyun over to share with him. Now, he feels like a little fresher in high school challenging their first day in the lunch room, and, as if he is actually a little high school fresher challenging their first day in the lunch room, he naturally chooses a seat as far away from human life as he can possibly get, and of course away from —

"Mom!"

It's like a shadow dawns over him at the sound of his voice, and then, looking up, he realizes it's just Hyungwon hovering over him.

"Mom?" Kihyun repeats, annoyed, as he plops down beside him—for what reason, he's not sure—and places his bag in his lap. "Why?"

"Your jeans," Hyungwon chuckles into a palm, "they're really getting to me."

"Do you have anything better to do than picking on my pants?" he huffs. "Which are perfectly fine, by the way."

"Not at the moment, no."

Kihyun glares, arms crossing. "Figures."

"Anyway, sorry to burst your bubble, but I didn't actually come over here to talk to you. I was wondering where everyone else was," Hyungwon tells him, motioning to the empty seats where his friends should be.

"Hoseok's going to a job interview, Jooheon's sick, and Minhyuk's taking care of Jooheon. Can you go now?"

Hyungwon smiles, or tries to smile. "Sure," he says, "but also, I brought a gift for you."

"A gift?" Kihyun snorts as Hyungwon goes digging through his unnecessarily expensive bag, skimming through organized textbooks and workbooks. "I thought you said you didn't come over to talk to me, though. And, honestly, there's no reason in wasting your time. I don't want your dumb gift. I told you that kiss meant nothing."

"Wow, you're still hung up on that kiss?"

"N-no," he quickly stammers. "I've forgotten all about it, and I'd like you to, too."

"The fact that you think I'd waste any more seconds of my life thinking of that kiss is honestly offensive, and, besides," he pulls the gift from his bag, neatly wrapped in yellow paper, like he'd spent quite some time on it, "you were a terrible kisser."

"A terrible kisser?" Kihyun snatches the gift from him. "It's not like your frog lips did much good for me either."

"Frog lips? Ha. Funny." Hyungwon snatches the gift back from his hands. "Accept your gift properly or I'm returning it."

"Too bad I don't want your dumb gift then."

Hyungwon stares at him, and then to the deliberately wrapped gift, before hopelessly looking to Kihyun again. "It took me a lot to get this, you know?"

"That's not my problem."

"Just take it!" And he shoves it into his chest, glaring at Kihyun and refusing to move until he accepts it.

Kihyun honestly wonders how his friends can take a liking to such a bastard. He tries so hard to understand, _so hard_ , but it's nearly impossible. "Thank you, Hyungwon-ssi," Kihyun says, an artificial smile tugged at his lips as he takes the gift with both hands, or, more accurately, yanks it from his grasp. "May I open it?"

"Sure." Instantly, Kihyun rips at the wrapping paper with his fingernails, and Hyungwon's brows lift, offended, as if he's the one being scratched. "You're just going to rip it open like that? It took me a while to wrap that."

The forced smile tugs on his face again, and Kihyun focuses his eyes directly on Hyungwon's, just as his fingernails drag across the gift again.

Hyungwon narrows his eyes. "How about you just look at your gift?"

So, he does, and, instantly, his jaw drops. Kihyun hurriedly rips off the wrapping paper of his gift, pushing the ripped shreds of yellow aside and rising the book to gawk at. The same textbook Hyungwon nearly crushed Kihyun's ribs for, the same textbook Kihyun somehow illegally downloaded a PDF of because no way in hell was he failing a class. The lights catch onto the book, and he swears he can hear a _hallelujah, hallelujah,_  ringing in his ears.

Hyungwon's hand moves to touch his face, and Kihyun's a little confused at it gripping his chin, before Hyungwon's slowly pushing up his jaw, shutting his mouth. "I'm guessing you like it," he laughs.

"Like it?" Kihyun nearly exclaims. He turns to Hyungwon and momentarily, for a split second, he just wants to engulf him in a hug, but it's Hyungwon. Alternatively, Kihyun slaps his hand away, chin lifting. "At least you have some sense," he huffs, "since you stole that book away from me, and then got me banned from the library. I hope you don't think you shouldn't have bought me this."

Hyungwon smiles. "Well, you're welcome."

Kihyun glares as Hyungwon stands to his boots, zipping up his book bag and pulling thin arms through the leather straps. 

"I'm on my way now," he bows, and Kihyun grimaces, staring angrily at the tall boy walking off to sit with a group of theatre members that had already unsurprisingly taken a liking to him. Kihyun looks back to the book Hyungwon gave him, trying not to smile, before he places the book in his bag and waits alone for Director Song to arrive.

 

 

"Hello?" Kihyun greets, having to squeeze his phone between an ear and a shoulder to get his arms through the straps of his backpack. 

"Hey," Minhyuk sighs into the phone, "did the theatre meet just end?"

"Yeah, we didn't really talk about anything important," he murmurs. "It was mostly just Director Song praising Hyungwon, of course, and then we talked about recruiting new members to theatre and ideas for our next play."

"Wait, so the recruitment booth me and Jooheon set up didn't work?" 

Kihyun stretches, laughing lightly, before making way towards the theatre exit. "Did you really think people would want to be a part of theatre with your terrible booth?"

"Terrible booth?" he defensively exclaims. "Our booth was a hit!"

"You had Jooheon yelling at people to check out his mixtape whilst you incessantly talked everyone's ear off," Kihyun reminds him, "and the cheer you guys put together for the freshers made _all_ of them uncomfortable."

"Oh, be quiet, you just don't know how to properly handle business."

"Okay, Minhyuk-ah," Kihyun snorts, pushing the door open to sunlight. "Oh, I forgot to ask, how's Jooheon?"

"He's been complaining all day, basically, but I called my mom for her soup recipe that she used to give to me whenever I had a cold, and, like magic, he instantly fell asleep."

"Well, that's good. You should get some rest, too. Hoseok hyung told me you've been up with him since this morning."

"I rather online shop," he excitedly says. "Do you want anything, Kyun? I'm using Hyunwoo's credit card."

"If I wanted something I'd buy it for myself," Kihyun firmly tells him. He suddenly catches his reflection in the glass of the theatre building and pauses. "Uh, but you do know my shoe size, right?"

"Yeah," he laughs, "I'll get you something nice."

"And my pants size?" Kihyun quickly adds, running a hand over his faded jeans. "Get me something, um, that doesn't make me look like a mom?"

Kihyun has to shrink from Minhyuk's shrill laugh, wincing. "Where is this coming from?"

"Nothing, just —" he huffs. "I have to go to the bus stop now. I'll call you when I get home."

Minhyuk's goodbye is lost in an exasperated shout, Kihyun automatically ripping his eyes away from his reflection in the glass, brows scrunching at the parking lot. There he finds Hyungwon by his car, a boy—well, a _man_ —angry and trapping him against the vehicle. It looks as if they're grappling with each other, but it's difficult to discern the actual circumstances being so far away, and no, Kihyun couldn't careless what Hyungwon goes through. He could be under the hands of a burglar, or a serial killer, even. It's none of Kihyun's business.

But, unconsciously, he hangs up the phone, pushing it into his back pocket before he's finding his feet quickly moving towards Hyungwon.

"Give me back my keys!" Hyungwon is shouting as Kihyun nears. "What sort of happiness do you get out of following behind me? I don't belong to you —"

Hyungwon slips and falls, and Kihyun doesn't know he meant to shout his name so loudly, or shout it at all, until its left his lips and he's running over to assist him.

"He's perfectly fine," the boy—the man, the man-boy—claims as Kihyun's struggling to help Hyungwon back to his feet again. Hyungwon brushes himself off, glaring once the person opens his mouth to speak again, but he pauses, brows furrowing at Kihyun snuggling into Hyungwon's arm.

"Honey," Kihyun calls, and mentally cringes at the high-pitch tone of his voice, "are you okay?"

Hyungwon looks to Kihyun, uneasily and confused, before Kihyun shoots him a smile that has him quickly catching on. "I'm fine," he murmurs, taking his arm from Kihyun and wrapping both tightly around his shoulders. Kihyun winces at his small body being yanked into Hyungwon's chest, but, nonetheless, he flashes the man-boy a bright, artificial smile. "Sorry for worrying you... honey."

Kihyun pats a hand to his chest, awkwardly. "Who is this?"

"This..." Hyungwon says, trailing off at the harsh stare the man-boy shoots him, and helplessly pulling his eyes to his boots. "This is, um —"

"You're with someone?" the person angrily inquires. Hyungwon looks up to him, slow, before quickly looking away again, just as the car keys come flying from the man-boy's hands and clinks to the ground. "I can't believe you."

The two stand frozen, watching this person trudge down the street, becoming smaller and smaller with each angry step until he's just a figure disappearing behind the building. Kihyun looks to Hyungwon, reluctant, and honestly, quite afraid. There's a little fear visible on Hyungwon's face, too, when he looks down to him, and an inkling of sadness Kihyun stares at, trying to make sense of, trying to decide if it's actually there, before both of their eyes are widening at each other like saucers. Instantly, the two boys come undone, Hyungwon quickly pulling his arms from around Kihyun, and the smaller boy shoving him away.

"Ugh," Hyungwon groans, shaking his limbs out, grimacing, "worst moment of my life, hands down."

"Really?" Kihyun slides a hand underneath a suspender as if it'll calm his manically beating heart. "I still think that stupid kiss is on the top of the list for me."

"You know, for someone so over that kiss you sure do happen to bring it up quite a lot," he teases, and Kihyun's glad he bends down to retrieve his keys from the ground so that he doesn't have to see the ugly blush sprouting over his cheeks. "I'm leaving now."

"Well, great." Kihyun walks to the passenger's side of Hyungwon's car, tossing his backpack into the seat and spouting out his address. "Hopefully that's not too far off from where you're headed, but to be honest, you do sort of owe it to me."

He looks at him, eyes blankly blinking from behind blurry lenses. "I owe nothing to you."

"I just saved your sorry ass from that guy," Kihyun disagrees. He pulls open Hyungwon's car door and nonchalantly slides inside, the leather like fire against his skin as he carefully straps on his seat belt. Hyungwon sighs at this, but surprisingly, doesn't bother arguing. He slides in with him, silent, another long sigh escaping his lips once he looks at the smaller male in his passenger's seat, before he starts the car.

"Hyungwon-ssi," Kihyun suddenly calls.

"What?"

"Who was that guy, anyway?"

Hyungwon bites at his lips, pensively, and buckles his seat belt. "Does it really matter?"

"Well, apparently he's been following behind you for quite some time now, I assume, so yeah, I think it does matter," Kihyun replies. Hyungwon stays silent, thinking, and plugging his phone into the radio. "Maybe we can talk about it over Indian food?"

He laughs at this, brows furrowing as he looks back to him, frustrated and confused. "You seriously want me to take you out to eat? Now?"

"We can split the bill," Kihyun quickly offers, "but I promised Changkyunie I'd bring back home Indian food, and you are in fact the one with the car."

 

 

Hyungwon and Kihyun are sat over a table of biryani and raita not long after, Kihyun snapping a few photos with his phone, before finally setting it down to the table for the pair to happily eat. Well, for Kihyun to happily eat, while Hyungwon sulks from across him.

"It's none of your business, but," he slowly bites into chicken, "he's my ex."

"Ah," Kihyun nods, "it explains why he was being such an ass, but it doesn't explain why he's been following behind you. What did you do to him?"

Hyungwon's eyes narrow. "Why do I have to be the one who did something?"

"Because you're an asshole, honestly the most terrible person I've ever met," Kihyun tells him, digging through the food. "It's kind of insane he'd went as far as taking your car keys off of you, though. Are you not giving him his stuff back? Is he after you over the debts you haven't paid? Did you live with him, and then leave before you could pay rent? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything; I just left him," Hyungwon says, firmly. He tugs his eyes from Kihyun and takes a gulp from his glass of water.

"Was he not ready to end the relationship?" Kihyun further pries before taking a large bite of biryani. He hums, happily, before instantly digging in again. "This is really good."

Hyungwon smiles, slightly. "I told you it would be."

Kihyun takes another bite and stares to the dish contemplatively. "Is it normal for him to push you down like that?" he suddenly questions, lowly, as if there's actually anyone close enough to catch onto the words of their conversation. 

"He's always been a little harsh, that's sort of why I left him," Hyungwon hesitantly replies, the half-hearted smile on his lips falling into a frown, "but if you're asking if he usually puts his hands on me, then no."

Kihyun only nods, slow, and there's much more questions he thinks of to ask, but, as said, it's none of his business, and anyway, Kihyun isn't supposed to care for Hyungwon. He's just here to eat, to get back from saving him, and that's all he tries to focus on as they finish their meal in silence. The only sound being Kihyun's satisfied hums to the yummy food and the soft clanking of utensils. 

 

 

"Is that another Disney film?" Hyungwon asks once they're back in the car and Kihyun's sat in the passenger's seat, a searing carry-out bag burning in his lap and earphones plugged in his ears.

He glances up from the screen of his phone, slowly. "Yeah," Kihyun simply replies before looking back to the clip of _Tarzan_. "I'm not actually watching the film, though; it's a YouTube video."

"What's up with you and Disney films, anyway?" The car turns, rolling into the familiarity of the roads leading to Kihyun and Changkyun's home, and Kihyun pulls an earphone from his ear to contemplate this, pausing the YouTube video as Hyungwon's fingers unconsciously drum against the steering wheel to the _i just can't help myself, can't wait no longer_ flowing from the audio system.

"What do you mean?" Kihyun finally questions.

"There must be a reason why you like it so much," Hyungwon elaborates, glancing over to the passenger's seat before the car decelerates. "Do I turn here?"

Kihyun nods and pulls at the strands of hair brushing his eyebrows, softly singing with the _no more playing cool, cool, you and i._ "Um, I guess I don't really have a proper reason. It's just good; it makes me happy. Don't you have something that makes you happy without really knowing why? You just know it does?"

"Um," Hyungwon's teeth catch onto his bottom lip, head thoughtfully cocking, "I don't think so."

"Absolutely nothing?"

"There are things that make me happy, but I know the reason," he quickly tells him, "like, sleeping makes me happy, because I don't have to think of my responsibilities, and I don't have to worry about talking to people or making good grades or wanting to punch in Yoo Kihyun's face."

"Oh, wow," Kihyun scoffs, "fight me."

"Nah, I'd rather stick to people my own size."

"You're such a —" Kihyun goes to shove him, but pauses at the realization Hyungwon's sort of behind the wheel, and goes to sulk in the car seat instead, arms crossed. Hyungwon nearly laughs himself to tears.

"I hate you, you know," Kihyun grumbles.

"I know. I'm not really losing any sleep over it, though," he chuckles, receiving a sharp glare that has Hyungwon breaking into another laugh.

"Hey," Kihyun stretches a finger towards the road coming into view, along with the familiar line of apartments belonging to his neighborhood, "stop right here."

As instructed, Hyungwon slows down the car, parking it to the entrance of Kihyun and Changkyun's home. 

"I'm making you come in," Kihyun informs him once he's unbuckled his seat belt and pushed the car door open, one leg on the concrete, the other still resting on the leather seat of Hyungwon's car.

Hyungwon looks at the boy pulling his arms through the straps of his bag, brows scrunched. "Why?"

"Because there's no way in hell I'm allowing you to leave this house without having seen _The Little Mermaid._ " With that, Kihyun stands from the seat, stretching his arms over his head, and turning back to the car where Hyungwon's still sitting confused, as if there's something he's trying to figure out. "What are you doing? Let's go."

 

 

"I can already tell I'm going to hate this," is the first thing Hyungwon says once the film begins, Kihyun entering the living room with a bowl of buttered popcorn and joining him on the sofa. They have Changkyun and Kihyun's flat to themselves, since Kihyun and Hyungwon had entered the kitchen to a green sticky note on the refrigerator written with ' _I went to see how Minhyuk and Jooheon hyung are doing, please put the take-out in the microwave'_ in Changkyun's hand-writing, and a weird, indiscernible face drawn underneath. 

As expected, the credits roll through with Hyungwon grimacing and Kihyun's cheeks aching with an unwavering grin, legs pulled to his chest, a hand resting in the now empty bowl, and —

"That was terrible."

Kihyun eyes roll, averting to Hyungwon sat on the other side of the couch with his knees pushed up and his head comfortably rested on the arm of the chair. "Of course you thought it was terrible."

"I have my reasons," Hyungwon nonchalantly says as he pulls himself into a sitting position, legs crossing Indian-style. "A few of them, actually."

"Go ahead," Kihyun huffs. "I'm sure you have quite a lot to say about the falling in love at first sight, and some other stuff that'll just make you sound like a douchebag."

"It's just stupid, I don't get it. And what are the odds that Eric happened to return her feelings? Her _very_ unrealistic feelings."

"She's a fucking mermaid and you're complaining about realism?" Hyungwon rolls his eyes. "And it's such a romantic movie, and so sweet, isn't it? How much she loved Eric."

"I'm pretty sure whatever feeling she had for him was primarily lust."

"Lust?" Kihyun laughs so hard he can barely breathe. "Were we watching the same film?"

"She fell in love with him solely based on appearance," he explains, "and are we just going to disregard the fact she'd given up her ability to speak for some man she hadn't met yet, just because it's cute, and oh, so sweet, that she'd done that for him?"

Kihyun contemplates this, a heavy sigh falling from his lips. "So what?

"What?"

"Why does it matter? Why is me thinking this is a sweet and really cute film such a bad thing? It's sweet, okay?" Kihyun looks to the TV screen, pulling his legs from his chest and letting his sock clad feet touch the floor. "Maybe it'll never happen, so what? Why can't I enjoy it?"

"I never told you not to enjoy it. If you think I did, then that wasn't my intention," Hyungwon slowly tells him, awkwardly smiling. "You have to admit it's all a bunch of bullshit though."

Kihyun grimaces.

"Well, what do I know?" Hyungwon says, standing to his feet and stretching. "The person I loved is now angry and after me, so it's not like my opinion really matters."

"It doesn't," Kihyun quickly confirms. "Your opinion is stupid."

"Yet you get weak over redheaded mermaids lusting over men they've never met, interesting."

"I hate you."

"And I'm going home." He smiles at him so arrogantly it boils Kihyun's blood and makes his way to the door, the shorter boy reluctantly following after. "I would say thank you for inviting me inside, but I'm not thankful, and I hope you never invite me in ever again."

"I'd rather watch _Beauty and the Beast_  with terrorist than even inhale anymore of the same oxygen as you, even a little."

Hyungwon snorts, head nodding, as he's stepping into his boots. Kihyun wonders how many pairs of those damned black boots he has stored in his closet he's sure goes on for miles, since there's no way in hell Hyungwon could possibly keep them incessantly looking brand new. "Goodbye," he says in English (because apparently he still believes that's necessary) before Hyungwon's pulling his arms through the straps of his Coach bag and leaves.

Kihyun just nods him off, silently, and stays there for some reason, even after he hears Hyungwon's car taking off down the road, becoming more and more faint as he inches further away. And Kihyun's thinking deeply about something, he knows this, but once he's moving to lock the door he realizes he's not really sure what he'd even been thinking so deeply of.

 

 

-o-

 

 

Honestly, he would still rather watch _Beauty and the Beast_ with terrorist than breathe the same air as Chae Hyungwon—it'd certainly be more enjoyable—but for some reason Kihyun finds him on his couch again the following week, the _Beauty and the Beast_ disc in hand, as Hyungwon carefully opens two bottles of water. 

"Let's see how shitty this is going to turn out," he yawns, bare feet kicking up on Kihyun and Changkyun's mangy coffee table, and instantly Kihyun's kicking at his ankle, sending his feet falling back to the floor.

"You're getting way too comfortable."

"Well, it is my third time here," he tells him, as if that's actually a valid argument. Kihyun just rolls his eyes, placing the disc into the DVD player before Hyungwon's pushing the cold water bottle into his hands and he's joining him on the couch.

Hyungwon leans his back into the cushions, sighing. "I can't believe you have me watching this," he murmurs.

But, fortunately, he keeps quiet the entire film, besides the occasional eye rolls that's strongly palpable even if it is silent and the exasperated huffs at — well, _everything_. Kihyun's just satisfied to not hear his unnecessary commentary every thirty minutes. Honestly, he'd rather sit through a mystery film with Minhyuk's incessant sputtering of questions every ten seconds than listening to the soundtrack of Hyungwon's disgust throughout the entirety of one-hundred and ten minutes.

"Seriously?" Hyungwon sighs towards the ending, a palm pressed to his face. "He looked better as a beast. She'd already fallen in love with him that way, it would've been more enjoyable for me to just continue seeing him as a beast."

"Nice to hear you support beastiality."

"You know I didn't mean it like that," he laughs, thigh brushing Kihyun's knee as he crosses his ankles. "Since I don't want to hurt your feelings, I'm going to say I could honestly stand this more than I could _Aladdin."_

"Really? So, it's your favorite so far?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself; I dislike them at a very similar amount." Hyungwon pulls his glasses from the coffee table and slides it back onto the bridge of his nose. "I liked the lesson in this, though, even if I felt like it could've been executed better."

"So now you're bashing the writing?" Kihyun shakes his head, eyes rolling. "You're really overanalyzing this."

"It's just, did the enchantress _really_  believe the prince would let her into the castle?" he asks. "She's a complete stranger. Who's going to let some random person snuggle into one of their spare rooms, whether they look like a rat or the next Miss Universe? Especially if you live in a _castle_."

"Overanalyzing," Kihyun sings.

"And to be honest," Hyungwon continues, uncrossing his ankles and turning so that he's directly across from Kihyun, "this story isn't really that romantic, or sweet, at all."

"How?"

"Because, basically Belle's being held captive by this beast —"

"Who's actually a prince," Kihyun quickly chimes in.

With an eye roll Hyungwon continues, "Basically Belle's being held captive by this prince-beast, and then she falls in love with him. That's their whole love story right there. When you really think about it, that's pretty disturbing, right?"

"You're being obnoxious."

He contemplates this, laughing slightly. "Please elaborate."

"Because Belle wasn't, like, exactly being held captive. She was just," he pauses, finding the right word before his chin rises, confidently, "taking her father's place."

"You mean the father who Beast had imprisoned?"

"Okay," Kihyun sighs. With a groan, he pulls himself from the couch and kneels in front of the DVD player, ejecting the disc. "I can't believe you have such a mission to ruin my childhood."

"Your fragile childhood," Hyungwon laughs.

Kihyun looks at him over his shoulder, pouting, and once again there's another laugh thumping through the living room, before Kihyun's shushing him not to disturb Changkyun. It's Hyungwon's turn to pout then, and Kihyun's not sure if it's supposed to mock him, but he finds himself laughing, quickly looking away from the unbearable smile Hyungwon shoots him. And he grins to himself.

 

  

Hyungwon returns the next weekend with a smile and two cans. "Which one?" he asks, lifting the two drinks for Kihyun's contemplation. Slowly, Kihyun points a finger to the grape drink, before taking Hyungwon's mango-flavored beverage and carrying it to the coffee table.

"We're watching _Atlantis_ today," Kihyun explains once Hyungwon's pulled off his boots and placed Kihyun's drink across from him. 

 _"Alantis?"_ Hyungwon repeats, slow, and, as usual, plops down onto Kihyun's left.

_"Alantis: The Lost Empire."_

"Wow," he murmurs, "sounds boring."

"It's not." Kihyun rolls his eyes and pops open his can, taking a long sip before placing it to the table. "It's an adventure film, so maybe you'll take a liking to it."

"I'm not really into adventure films."

"Then what films are you interested in?"

Hyungwon contemplates this, a finger pressed to his lip, before he settles with a simple shrug. "I don't know. I'm not really a film person. I'm usually studying, and when I'm not, I'm sleeping."

Kihyun laughs. "Adventurous."

But in all honesty, it sort of sounds like himself.

By the end of the movie they're sat on the floor, Kihyun wrapped in a fluffy blanket he'd stolen off Changkyun's bed, and Hyungwon overanalyzing, once again. 

"What's up with the sacrifices, seriously?" Hyungwon tells him. "Now Milo is staying in Atlantis for this girl? Give me a break, Disney."

"I think sacrifices are important," Kihyun argues, brows furrowed. "When you love someone you should be able to make sacrifices for them, right?"

"But give up your whole entire life?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"That's stupid," Hyungwon claims.

Kihyun just laughs, eyes rolling, because Hyungwon's arguments seem to get weaker and weaker. "Everything about love is stupid to you," he simply says, and Hyungwon can only silently sip the last drop of his drink at this, because, really, it's not like he isn't telling the truth.

 

 

The next weekend when they've watched _Fantasia_ , Kihyun finds himself on Hyungwon's Instagram, double tapping a selfie of him and Hyungwon, the pair dressed in onesies (because Kihyun had insisted) and Hyungwon is in the foreground, softly smiling a little too closely to the camera and Kihyun on the couch behind him, his lips hidden behind a mustache mug. _Adults are only kids grown-up, anyway,_ the caption reads, and Kihyun doesn't know why he smiles so widely at this. He doesn't know why he screenshots it either.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"So, Kyun, it seems like you and Hyungwon have gotten close," Hoseok states into a jelly pastry, and it's a little too randomly for Kihyun to even muster up a response that doesn't sound like he's half-assing it. Once Hoseok's pulled the pastry from his face, Kihyun fetches a napkin from the table, wiping off the strawberry filling from his friend's fair cheeks and dropping it to the table with a ball. "So, Kyun," he repeats, "it seems like you and Hyungwon have gotten close."

"You and Hyungwon are getting close," Jooheon chimes in, as if his commentary is actually necessary, and automatically his friends agree, Minhyuk humming into the straw of his americano and Changkyun, glancing up from his phone with a nod.

"I'm starting to feel like we're getting replaced," Minhyuk pouts.

Kihyun laughs at this. "That's stupid. You guys are not getting replaced."

"He's not reassured," Jooheon tells him, "because you don't sound genuine at all, or apologetic. You have to sound genuinely apologetic."

"Minhyukie," Kihyun sighs, placing his hands to the table, "my needy friend, please be convinced I am not getting closer to Hyungwon than I am with you. I hate him."

"He's always at our apartment, though, every weekend," Changkyun says, punching a straw back into his cup of iced water. "Kihyun doesn't even do anything nearly remarkable with Hyungwon, or interesting at all. They just sit on the couch watching Disney films, and then Kihyun yells at me to get out whenever I walk in."

"'Because," is all Kihyun gets to utter before his friends break into laughter, momentarily stealing the attention of other college students sat in the corners of the cafe with laptops and coffees. Hyunwoo sadly stares at the group from behind the counter, fidgeting with the cash register. "Oh, shut up, I don't complain when you and Jooheon sit on the couch drinking tea and watching those stupid Spanish soap operas." 

At this, Jooheon gasps, a palm pressed to his heart. "Do not bring our telenovelas into this!"

"But seriously, Kyun," Hoseok says, and he pulls his teeth from around a straw, leaning in closer towards Kihyun as if to make the apparent seriousness of this more serious, "be honest with us. What is going on between you and Hyungwon?"

 _"Nothing!"_ Kihyun exclaims, throwing up his hands. "Honestly, nothing is going on between us. If something were, you would know by now."

"Okay," Hoseok sings, and it's pretty obvious his friends aren't buying any of it, but it doesn't matter. As soon as Changkyun and Jooheon go into an animated recap of their most likely distorted perception of _Soy tu dueña_ without subtitles, the talk of Hyungwon and Kihyun is long forgotten.

Kihyun tries to forget, too.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"This is officially the worst," Hyungwon quietly declares once  _Cinderella_  has come to an end. He closes the window from his laptop and ejects Kihyun's disc, handing it back to him with a disappointed shake of his head. 

Kihyun laughs into the sleeve of his jacket, muting his laughter to not disturb the stressed teenager studying at the table beside them, a shoulder unconsciously pushing into Hyungwon. "Let me guess, you're pissed off because she sat around waiting for some guy to save her?"

"That did make me cringe," Hyungwon nods, "but that wasn't what turned me off."

"Did you not like that they'd fallen in love so easily?" Kihyun assumes, pulling an earphone from his ear to disconnect them. "That Prince Charming went looking all over for her as if they'd known each other for years?"

" _Hated_ it," he agrees again with another slow, disappointed nod, "but, still, that wasn't the main thing that pissed me off about this film."

His brows rise, interested, a hand cupping under his chin. "Then?"

"Cinderella, the character, was the most annoying character ever," is Hyungwon's argument, and with a Cinderella-beating heart, Kihyun nearly lunges at him. "I hated how she'd just allowed her step-family to treat her like shit. Basically all I learned from Cinderella is to accept the abuse that people give you, and it'll lead you to prosperity."

"That's," Kihyun pulls at the hair brushing his eyebrows, absently, "the _stupidest_ thing I've ever heard."

"But it's true! Even when they'd ripped her whole entire dress apart she didn't fight back. That was discomforting."

"She was being the better person," he slowly explains to him, and Hyungwon instantly rolls his eyes at the sound of this.

"Why is allowing people to treat you like shit an impeccable quality? This isn't really a good lesson at all."

Kihyun contemplates this. "You have to admit, it was a good love story, though."

"The fact that you truly believe such a lie saddens me." Hyungwon stands to clean, white sneakers, turning off his laptop and slipping it back into its bag, and automatically Kihyun stands to follow alongside him out of the public library. 

Hyungwon and Kihyun are not supposed to meet up the following day, at least Kihyun doesn't think it's supposed to work this way, but they're on the sofa again for _Hercules_. ("More sacrifices," Hyungwon sighs, shaking his head as he takes  a sip of banana milk. "Because it's so realistic for people to make extreme sacrifices without discussion. Let's see how terrible this relationship turns out in the future.") And it's barely been two days before it's midnight and they're on the patio in blankets with Changkyun's iPad Kihyun had stolen off him for _Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs._ ("I should've known I would've hated this right when you told me the title," Hyungwon says with an infamous eye roll. "That prince is such a creep, kissing her when he's under the impression that she's dead. How more uncomfortable can I get?")

And maybe it isn't supposed to be this way. Maybe Kihyun isn't supposed to want to watch films with him as much as he does. Maybe Kihyun isn't supposed to find Disney films he knows Hyungwon will hate just to debate with him afterwards. But, somehow, it'd became a routine of some sorts, and, well, Kihyun does like routines.

 

 

He starts to take notice, maybe when it's a little too late. The little things that begin to change, the little things that he'd been unconsciously doing probably for quite some time that doesn't really occur to him maybe when it's, well, a little too late.

Like when it's their theatre meet and Kihyun hurriedly places his bag on the seat next to him, smiling innocently at Hoseok who'd nearly plopped down on it. "I'm saving this seat," Kihyun explains to him, and Hoseok only blinks at him, blankly staring.

"For who?"

"For," he darts his eyes to the floor, contemplating, "for Jooheon. We're, um, working on a song together!"

Then Hyungwon's sauntering into the theatre, clutching onto the leather straps of his backpack and Kihyun tries not to jump out of his seat to direct him over. "Hi, Hoseok-ssi," he smiles and Kihyun pulls the bag from the seat he'd saved him, already having forgotten that his friend is standing there, before Hyungwon's plopping down and turning to him. "Where's the mom jeans?"

Kihyun just shrugs his shoulders, shivering at the finger Hyungwon traces over the thin line of skin exposed from the rips of his jeans.  "I don't know, I'm trying something new."

Or, when they've come from Jooheon's birthday dinner and Hyungwon and Kihyun secretly slip away from an amusing drinking game to stroll through Minhyuk and Jooheon's neighborhood. ("It's much prettier than me and Changkyun's," Kihyun explains as they slip from the glass door, stepping back into their shoes. "When I become a surgeon I want to live in a neighborhood like this. Friendly and pretty, except, I want a huge house for my mom and grandparents to live in.")

"It's kind of dull out here," Hyungwon tells him, and even if he speaks quietly, it's almost as if it cracks the silence, like there's a delicacy to the tranquility.

"Dull?" Kihyun repeats, watching one foot step in front of the other, over and over, somehow finding comfort in the pattern. "I think it's nice."

"It is nice," he agrees nodding slow, and they continue along the sidewalk, silently, further into the darkness and —

 _"Oh."_ Kihyun looks to their hands, to their fingers suddenly intertwined, and he laughs, quietly, light and nervously. "You're holding my hand now?"

"I think it's you holding my hand, actually," Hyungwon tells him, a smile on his lips that has Kihyun's stomach twisting, and he's not sure if he's blushing or not, but he's giggling, sort of, and smiling like an idiot with this stupid warmth in his cheeks and maybe he is blushing?

"You're _so_ holding my hand," Kihyun argues, and Hyungwon disagrees instantly, the both of them laughing like dumbasses and carrying this argument back and forth under a dark sky of a trillion stars, but their hands never letting go.

 

 

_"Stop it right there, mister!"_

Kihyun's hand freezes around the doorknob, and the rest of him freezes, instantly, as Jooheon jumps up from his sofa, Changkyun rushing after him automatically, and, well, predictably.

"Where are you going?" Jooheon demands once he reaches him. "It is," he looks to the screen of his phone, shoving it in Kihyun's face for him to see, "one o'clock in the morning on a school night, what _the hell_ are you doing?"

Changkyun tsks, head shaking in disappointment. "Unacceptable."

"It's one o'clock on a school night yet you're here with Changkyun to watch dumb soap operas," Kihyun shoots back. "And anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you, but I'm hungry, so I'm just going out for a bite."

"Going out for a bite?" Jooheon nearly exclaims, eyebrows doubtfully rising at the headlights of a car seeping through the windows of the living room. "You better be going out for a bite of your education in that bedroom!"

"Don't you have a report due in eight hours?" Changkyun adds. "Yet instead of reviewing that, you're all dressed up, forehead in the open, and sneaking out the house to carouse with some boy!"

Kihyun rolls his eyes. "I'm not all dressed up, and I'm just going to go out to eat, gosh! What is wrong with you two?"

Jooheon opens his mouth to reply and then pauses, questioningly, before sniffing the air. "Is that what I think it is?" he asks, looking to Changkyun. "Don't tell me it's what I think it is."

Changkyun nods. "It's definitely what you think it is."

Kihyun sometimes wonders if his friends have somehow managed to master telepathic communication, or, are just at an equal amount of stupid that makes it easier for them to understand each other since, usually, Kihyun has no idea what the hell is ever happening between their conversations. Neither does he understand why Jooheon randomly sniffs at his neck, sending Kihyun stumbling into the wall in confusion, until he's stepping away tsking, just like Changkyun.

"Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue," Jooheon states flatly, "I knew it."

Kihyun's brows scrunch. "How did you —"

"Even Minhyuk and Hoseok would be repulsed by this," Changkyun chimes in, and Jooheon nods in agreement, resting an arm on his friend's shoulder.

"I can't believe this,"  Jooheon murmurs. "Our hyung has grown up right before our eyes."

Changkyun holds up a finger. "Ripped jeans," he notes. "Expensive cologne." Another finger. "Exposed forehead." Another finger. "Not studying." Another finger, and then he sighs, head shaking. "Jooheon hyung, I think he's beyond repair."

"Definitely," he nods.

"You guys are insane," Kihyun says to them, nonchalantly, as he steps into his shoes and pulls open the door. "And I'll be back in an hour."

Though, he's not back in an hour. Kihyun and Hyungwon sit at the table of a convenience store, their hips connected, sharing a pair of earphones and a steaming bowl of instant ramyun. Hyungwon huffs at almost every scene of _Tarzan,_ rolling his eyes, although Kihyun sometimes catches a little smile on his face. He would know. He watches Hyungwon for quite some time.

(More than he'd like to admit.)

"What is even the purpose of Tarzan wearing that around his dick?" Hyungwon murmurs to the screen of his phone. "I mean, he's just around naked gorillas all the time, and I'm pretty sure he has no clear understanding of clothing."

Kihyun nearly cries laughing so hard. "This is a _Disney film,_ you pervert!"

And he shoves at Hyungwon's shoulder, fondly, maybe, the both of them incessantly laughing over mostly nothing until the film comes to an end.

 

 

His friends happen to turn from complaining of Kihyun-attention deprivation to teasing him nearly every chance they get. Kihyun can't live ten minutes without them having to mention Hyungwon, and laughing at the terrible red his face flushes. Even Hyunwoo surprises him with jokes when he's supposed to be his confidant, having Kihyun blushing like a right idiot.

After Jooheon and Changkyun have trapped him, and Hoseok has managed to make an embarrassing ramyun joke he seemed to have been holding in quite some time, it's Minhyuk's turn to tease him next, as if there's been an organized agreement between his friends, when Kihyun's beaming over his phone at their table of Hyunwoo's cafe, and Minhyuk's curiously leaning over his shoulder, cooing too closely to Kihyun's ear.

"Is Kyun speaking to his Barium, Beryllium?" Minhyuk asks, and Kihyun rolls his eyes at the realization the atom's symbols spell the word babe. 

"You're not funny." Minhyuk laughs at him, along with Hoseok who points a finger to the smile involuntarily pulling on Kihyun's lips. Kihyun slaps his hand away and places two hands to his burning cheeks, wondering why he'd put himself in the position of being friends with these people.

"I am funny," he disagrees, and then he leans into his ear again, softly singing, _"It's so amazing to be... in love."_

Kihyun covers his face as his friends dramatically continue the song, Jooheon and Changkyun wrapping an arm around each other and swaying along with Hoseok literally knowing none of the words, but smiling and singing along always a beat too late as if he knows every lyric, and Kihyun's really not sure why a manager hasn't stomped from the back and kicked him and his stupid friends out by now—he sometimes wonders this almost every time they come to visit—but life seems to never work in his favor. Once they come to a stopping point, their loud laughs thump throughout the cafe in a chorus and there's high-fives passed all around, and Kihyun just sighs, hating his friends and hating his life and knowing he'll never be able to ever listen to that damn Ailee song again.

 

 

-o-

 

 

There's times when Kihyun thinks there's absolutely no way in hell he likes Hyungwon, and then there's time he thinks it's maybe not an insane idea to say that Hyungwon has him sort of, kind of, maybe moonstruck. But only sort of, kind of, like, maybe eleven percent — at the most.

It's when Hyungwon's talking, probably about something stupid, and Kihyun finds himself just staring, longingly, head nodding, because a part of him doesn't want Hyungwon to ever stop, even if he hates the sound of his voice, even if he wants to pull his eyes away from those unbearable lips of his that makes Kihyun's stomach twist whenever he bites at them. And when Hyungwon's doing little stupid stuff for him, like joining him on his walk for class with two coffees and suddenly slipping a tiny Ariel pin into his palm. ("I don't know," Hyungwon explains, nervously running a hand over the nape of his neck. "I saw it when I was at the store, and it made me think of you.") Or the smiley face and kiss Hyungwon sends Kihyun in reply to every morning text he receives and Kihyun really doesn't know why it happens to make his heart flutter.

And then there's when they're watching  _Lilo & Stitch,_ and Hyungwon has his head placed in Kihyun's lap for some reason and he's thinking about how it's sort of nice looking into Hyungwon's eyes when he asks him, "What do you like about me?"

His hair is a tousled mess on his head, and Kihyun has to resist the sudden urge to pull his fingers through it. "Who said I like you?" he laughs.

A smile tugs at Hyungwon's lips, although his eyes narrow into a glare. "You like me," he tells him.

"But I don't."

And he gets up from Kihyun's lap. "But you do."

"You're mistaken, Hyungwon-ssi."

Hyungwon really smiles at him this time, laughing lightly and shoving a hand to Kihyun's shoulder. "You know what I like about you?"

"What?"

He motions for him to come closer, and reluctantly, Kihyun does, until Hyungwon's breathing a little too closely on his skin and his lips are at a very discomforting distance to his ear. "Do you want to know?" he asks, breathing brushing his skin.

All Kihyun can do is nod, Adam's apple bobbing, tongue swiping at his lips in anticipation, and —

Hyungwon screams, right into his ear, and then bursts into a childish fit of laughter as Kihyun shrinks away in pain, swearing at him and hitting him over and over again until a red-faced Hyungwon has laughed himself so hard that he's crying.

"I hate you!" Kihyun screams, hitting him over the head, and then shoving him over. Hyungwon pulls himself up, laughing, and hesitantly, he wraps his arms around Kihyun. The older looks the other way, arms crossed, as if he isn't even there.

"This is what I like," Hyungwon tells him.

"That I hate you?"

"No," he rolls his eyes, arms tightening by Kihyun's waist, "that I get on your nerves, but you stay with me."

And Kihyun nearly gags at how the weak lighting from the TV happens to make him look kind of beautiful from under it, and he just — Kihyun really hates him.

He hates that stupid smile of his, cheeks pushing at his dark eyes from behind the lenses of his glasses; his stupid laugh that Kihyun may or may not smile at the sound of, that may or may not make his cheeks warm, that may or may not make him want to laugh, too; and his stupid massive hands that Kihyun feels safe whenever he's holding, that he finds himself missing when he's bounded to his desk, studying, and his hand looks so small and lonely, the spaces between his fingers too wide without Hyungwon's fingers in them.

There's a lot to hate about Hyungwon.

And there's a lot to kind of, maybe, sort of, eleven-percent like.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"We should go out on a proper date," Hyungwon suggests, suddenly. Kihyun looks from his textbook and to the screen of his phone, pensively, watching Hyungwon in the rectangular frame with his face a little too close in the camera. 

"Proper date?" he repeats with a smile. "You say that in a way as if all this time we've been dating."

"I've been under the impression that we've been dating," Hyungwon tells him nonchalantly, like it's a fact they've been dating, and honestly, no matter how many embarrassing times Kihyun has sat thinking of Hyungwon, he's never actually thought about the fact it's not exactly an insane idea to say that they've been kind of, sort of dating. 

"Are we dating?" Kihyun slowly questions.

Hyungwon's laugh flows from Kihyun's earphones and twists his stomach, for a while all he can see is his teeth. "Of course we're dating," he says. "I established it after you held my hand."

"You mean after _you_ held my hand?"

"Are we still arguing about you holding my hand?"

Kihyun laughs, stretching against the back of his rolling chair, and then sliding himself up to the desk once again. "Okay, we're dating then. Saturday morning we'll go out for breakfast together. Take me somewhere expensive and high-quality and a place you don't know the menu of, this way we'll make great memories. Then, we'll take a walk through the park —"

"Towards the end of November?"

"Yes, shut up, it'll be great." Hyungwon sighs. "You'll compliment me a lot, I'll tell you of my childhood, and we'll sip warm coffee and hold hands. Then, after that, we'll go shopping so you can buy me lots of gifts to look back on and smile. This all happens until lunchtime, so you're taking me out to eat again —"

"Let me guess, somewhere expensive and high-quality and a place I don't know the menu of."

"Exactly," Kihyun smiles, "then once I'm well-fed and happy, you'll take me home, got it? We'll have our date at eight o'clock AM, so I'll be outside waiting for you by seven-thirty."

There's a pause, and then, "I have no say in this?"

"Well, you are the one who established that we're dating, so you should be very well aware of what you got yourself into." Kihyun cups a hand under his chin, laughing at the grimace Hyungwon's looking at him with. 

"I'm picking you up at ten," Hyungwon asserts. "There's no way in hell I'd even wake up before one o'clock in the afternoon, but since we're dating and all, I guess I have to."

"Ten? I said eight."

"I refuse to wake up that early."

"Well, then, eight-fifteen."

"Ten."

"Eight-thirty?"

"Ten."

Kihyun glares at the screen of his phone. "Eight-fifty."

"Ten."

"Nine?"

"If you don't agree to a time that's ten or after ten, then I'm picking you up at eleven despite how much you argue."

"Fine," Kihyun huffs, dropping his pencil to the desk in defeat, "then after we've eaten lunch you're coming back to my place and watching a very sappy Disney film with me."

Hyungwon narrows his eyes, contemplating this, before pushing an exasperated sigh from his lips. "Okay then. Deal."

Kihyun smiles and fetches his pencil from the desk, looking back to the sheet of paper he's flipped to and resuming his notes. 

"Oh, and, Kihyun-ssi?"

"Hm?"

"Wear your mom jeans."

 

 

A little too early, Kihyun flutters his eyes open and tries everything in his will to fall back asleep, but after an hour of tossing and turning, his legs entangling in the heavy blankets of his bed, he decides there's no harm in getting prepared for him and Hyungwon's date at quite an unreasonably early time. Besides, Kihyun's mother has always told Kihyun that when you're early, you're right on time, and when you're right on time, you're late, so he goes to take a shower, an unnecessarily long shower with a ginger-scented citrus body wash sample he'd taken from a saleswoman claiming that he'd love it, and spends quite some time in the mirror with hair products he's never tried before to style his hair back. ("I like seeing your forehead," Hyungwon randomly says a time Kihyun's walking him to class, and then he just casually plucks him right in the middle of his forehead, because apparently that makes a lot of sense.)

Then, Kihyun's left to wonder why choosing an outfit has to be so nerve-racking. It's not like he has a lot of clothes to choose from, anyway. He doesn't really have a lot of time to shop, which is why the gift-cards his friends got him for his birthday are already lost somewhere in his bag, probably hanging with the expired gift-cards his friends got him for his birthday the year before.

"Changkyun-ah," Kihyun calls softly, shaking his friend by the shoulder lightly. _"Changkyun-ah!"_

He settles for hitting him instead, sending his roommate opening his eyes rather quickly, annoyed and exhausted and probably about to hit Kihyun. "What do you want?"

"What should I wear?"

"Clothes," Changkyun says, and as if that's actually a valuable answer, he lies back down to fall asleep.

Kihyun hits him again. "Help me pick out a shirt that Hyungwon would like."

"I don't fucking know."

"Come on," he whines, shaking his friend harder, "tell me, what would you think to wear for Jooheon?"

Changkyun's eyes flutter open, slowly, as he stares off to contemplate this with an uneven smile pulling at his lips. "Nothing," he softly replies.

Kihyun instantly shoves him backwards into the wall and hurries down the ladder.

 

 

Nine-fifty, he stands on the sidewalk with his eyes glued to the toe caps of his boots, fingers hooking on the sleeves of his blue flannel coat. He realizes he hates Hyungwon a lot, probably more than what he'd thought of before, since Hyungwon has him outside in the cold at a temperature Kihyun would describe as ungodly, and for some reason Kihyun doesn't bother heading back indoors so that Hyungwon can just shoot him a text when he arrives. Instead, like an idiot, he stands there and shivers, waiting for him.

"You're late," Kihyun huffs when he's sliding into the passenger's seat of Hyungwon's car, teeth chattering, and he puts his quivering hands up for Hyungwon to scrutinize. "Look what you've done to me."

"I'm a minute late."

"Still late."

Hyungwon glares, yet turns the heat on high and holds Kihyun's hand for the ride.

 

 

The restaurant happens to reach Kihyun's expectations, maybe a little higher, but he has had quite the practice of pretending that he's unimpressed with anything Hyungwon happens to impress him with. There's more people than Kihyun expects in the morning, two older women quietly laughing over a table full of dishes by the window, an old couple sharing their meal in silence, a group of men in spotless, ironed suits speaking rather loudly and drinking from glasses. The waiter escorts Hyungwon and Kihyun to a table with perfectly folded napkins, and a vase of artificial flowers standing between them. 

Kihyun moves it aside once they've taken their seats, skimming through the menu, but, instantly, Hyungwon pushes the vase back into the center.

"I'd like to not look at you and lose my appetite when I eat," he explains.

Kihyun glares through the blue, artificial petals and Hyungwon innocently smiles at him, moving the vase after they've ordered and the waiter reappears with their meal. There's barely any room, anyway, Kihyun had ordered almost any dish he found appealing, mostly to see how Hyungwon would react, also because the day has just begun, and he's starving.

"Eat up," Hyungwon tells him once their table is full of dishes, and with a bow, the waiter kindly leaves them to their meal.

A smile tugging at his lips, Kihyun excitedly stuffs himself with beef and bean sprouts, shoulders shuffling to the soft _oh, I just wanna take you anywhere that you'd like_ filling the restaurant. "So," he says, happily, "what's your relationship with your family like?" 

"That's a random question," Hyungwon grimaces.

Kihyun shrugs. "I'm just starting conversation, you don't have to answer," he tells him. "Are you close with them?"

"Well, define close."

"Like, is there a lot of intimacy? Do you rely on your family a lot?"

"I guess," Hyungwon slowly decides, softly slurping from a spoon of clear vegetable soup. "We don't really have a lot of time for each other, so it's not like we have a tight bond."

"Oh, I would think you'd be pretty close with them," Kihyun says, "since you'd left England to help your mom take care of your sick grandfather."

Hyungwon smiles. "You remembered that?"

Kihyun's not sure why his cheeks burn at this, probably because it makes it seem like he cares about the things Hyungwon says when really, he barely listens to him.

Well, maybe Kihyun does listen to Hyungwon sometimes, and maybe he cares a little about what he says, too, but, of course, it's only a little.

"I think I'm only the closest with my mom," Hyungwon suddenly admits, slowly, as if he's carefully choosing each word. "She's the only one who really stays in one place. We usually don't do a lot of talking with each other, but whenever I need to talk to her, I know where to find her, so that's good."

"And your dad?"

"Complete opposite," he laughs, unconsciously ripping at a napkin. "My dad is everywhere. One day he's walking along a beach in Cancún, and then the next he's dancing at some weird club in Los Angeles. I stopped keeping up with all the postcards he sends me."

"At least he thinks to send postcards."

"Why?" Hyungwon fixes his eyes on him, brows scrunched. "Did you not grow up with a dad?"

"No, it's nothing like that. My dad was always home, actually. He works at home," Kihyun quickly tells him. "My mom was around a lot, too." 

"So, what was wrong with them?"

"Huh?"

"I mean," he shrugs, smiling softly at his bowl of soup, "there must be a reason why you're such a pain in the ass."

Instantly, Kihyun scoffs, placing his chopsticks to the table. "Like you're one to talk!"

"There was a time," Hyungwon slowly says, "where Yoo Kihyun and Chae Hyungwon hadn't known each other, at all, and for no reason it seems Yoo Kihyun tried to close an elevator on him when he was clearly in a rush, and you would think Yoo Kihyun would feel at least a little remorseful. Just a little. But he didn't, not even when Chae Hyungwon rightfully retaliated." 

"You're still not over that?"

"I will never get over that," he laughs. "You were such an asshole to me."

"Okay, so maybe I can be a bit on an asshole," Kihyun quietly admits. "But that's really only a bit. And I didn't have time for anyone that night, honestly. If you were in such a rush, you should've shown up to the elevator sooner."

Hyungwon rolls his eyes at this, and somehow it causes Kihyun to smile.

"Anyway, you were wrong. Yoo Kihyun is a little remorseful. Just a little," he admits, picking up some stew and carefully rising his chopsticks to Hyungwon's lips. "Forgive me?"

"Hm," he stares at him with narrowed eyes, a teasing smile tugging on his lips, "only if you properly apologize."

"I'm sorry, Chae Hyungwon," Kihyun says, trying to cutely drag out his words to make Hyungwon laugh, and he can tell he's successful immediately, even as Hyungwon tries containing his angered expression and crosses his arms over his chest. Kihyun smiles at him brightly, successfully faltering Hyungwon's frown into a laugh before he's cupping a hand under Kihyun's chopsticks and eagerly accepting the bite of stew.

 

It doesn't take much for Kihyun to discover the pre-date anxiety was entirely unnecessary, much like all the other times he panics. But also, he discovers that it was maybe, sort of worth it.

(Even if Hyungwon is a pounding headache, really.)

He complains of the frosty air their entire walk, even as he sips from a steaming cup of espresso, and he makes sure to remind Kihyun quite a few times that he wouldn't be out here freezing his balls off if it weren't for him. ("You don't understand how cold it is because you have mittens," Hyungwon feels the need to mention more than necessary, although once he'd found the mittens in his glove compartment he'd insisted, automatically, for Kihyun to wear them.") But honestly, Kihyun's pretty much freezing his balls off, too, along with his ass, but this was _his_ idea in fact, and he has way too much pride to admit it. So, like the self-assertive person he is, Kihyun nonchalantly sips from his coffee, yapping at Hyungwon to shut the fuck up and enjoy the wintry breeze.

Then, suddenly, precipitation falls in small, white snowflakes, and Hyungwon declares this is definitely the last straw. But, just because Kihyun likes being an ass, he forces Hyungwon to snap a photo of him attempting to catch a snowflake on his tongue, and then rejects nearly every single one.

"This is terrible," Kihyun claims, deleting the photo Hyungwon had taken. "You're not a good photographer; I look like an idiot."

"Don't insult my photography skills because you can't accept the fact that you're just ugly," Hyungwon shoots back. Kihyun slaps him rather quickly and returns to his position, sticking his tongue out for the snowflakes, and, once again, automatically rejecting Hyungwon's photos.

In the end, a friendly, old woman asks if they'd like her to take a photo of them together, and as Kihyun goes to kindly decline, Hyungwon is already handing Kihyun's phone to her.

Once they're warmly buckled in the car and Hyungwon's driving them to the nearest shopping center, Kihyun goes to his camera roll, smiling at the two photos they'd taken together. The first, Kihyun's unconsciously leaning on Hyungwon's shoulder, fingers formed into a 'V' over his face and Hyungwon softly smiling with his hands buried in the pockets of his topcoat. Kihyun swipes to the next one, where he's actually smiling (the woman had explained it'd make a better picture,) and instead of Hyungwon looking in the direction of the camera, his eyes are focused on him.

There's this stupid smile on his face that reminds Kihyun of the grin Changkyun always has whenever he's stumbling back from _almost_ kissing Jooheon with an unmistakable blush burning on his cheeks, but, naturally, Hyungwon's smile looks stupider. It's kind of cute. _Only_ kind of. 

Kihyun feels himself smiling, slightly, even if in this photo Hyungwon's probably just thinking of how much of an idiot he is, there's no harm in pretending that it does mean what he maybe wants it to kind of mean. He allows himself to smile a little more and, thoughtlessly, sets the photo as his home screen. 

 

 

"Thank you," Kihyun smiles when Hyungwon walks him to the door, and there's a bit he's thankful for, actually, like how Hyungwon may have happened to have made his morning just by taking him to breakfast and shivering with him like an idiot in a frosted park and sullenly running around a shopping centre with Kihyun to buy him as much as he wanted, just because Kihyun was smiling and laughing a lot, and he may also be a little thankful that he's just, well, him.

(But that's really none of Hyungwon's business.)

Kihyun stretches a hand over his belly, patting himself gently. "I ate well."

"Good then," Hyungwon laughs, snowflakes tangling in his hair, "since next time you'll be treating me to a meal, right?"

The snow lightly falls to Kihyun's cheeks, and he quickly looks to his feet at the smile Hyungwon's giving him, a boot nervously dragging along the frosted concrete. "Maybe."

_"Maybe?"_

"Sheesh," Kihyun looks up to him with a smile, squinting as if he's staring into the sun, "I didn't know rich people were so needy."

"Rich people," Hyungwon repeats with finger quotation marks, "like to be treated to meals also."

"I'll think about it for my next paycheck then, unless you're thinking of coming to my house again and trash-talking the coffee table."

Hyungwon snorts, and there's this silence, an insufferable silence that calls for their date to come to a conclusion.

"I really enjoyed myself," Kihyun quickly tells him, as if he's afraid he won't be able to get the words out before he walks away. "The eating part, I mean, and the shopping," he lifts the many bags on his arms for Hyungwon's scrutiny. "Not the being with you part, but, you know, everything good has to come with a price, unfortunately."

"You make me scream," Hyungwon says, and Kihyun's sure they look like idiots, all smiles and nervous laughter, trying to figure out what happens next and maybe hoping this next doesn't involve having to say goodbye. It doesn't. Not immediately, anyway. Hyungwon leans down and kisses him nearly as gently as the snowflakes drifting to his skin, and it's as if the winter air doesn't exist anymore with how warm he feels with Hyungwon's lips against his own.

It's a little cheesy, almost, (like a scene Hyungwon and Kihyun would watch from a Disney film, Kihyun beaming and staring fondly, and Hyungwon exasperatedly huffing next to him,) but, of course, he loves it. The hand under his chin, the softness, the stupid, fleeting wonder how Kihyun could ever live without knowing how it'd felt to kiss him. 

They pull away, reluctantly, and look to each other without words. Kihyun's sure he's flushed a terrible red by now and, nervously laughing, he looks to his boots again, smiling, because cheesing is pretty much all he can do.

"Stay warm," Hyungwon smiles, head ducked, long fingers hooked at the nape of his neck. 

Kihyun smiles at him with a brief glance. "Drive home safely," he waves, fetching the house keys from the pocket in his flannel coat, and, backwards, stumbling into the doorknob.

"Uh, can I call you later?" Hyungwon questions, and, stupidly, Kihyun vigorously nods, waving another hand at him as he unhurriedly unlocks the door and pushes himself inside.

Instantly, his shoes are kicked off, and he's running into the kitchen, forcefully shoving past a protesting Jooheon and Changkyun blocking the doorway, and twisting open the blinds. 

There Hyungwon is sat in his car, buckling his seat belt, fidgeting with the radio, and then, with a deep exhale, smiling. Kihyun feels so warm it's kind of embarrassing. That smile could be because of him. The butterflies flying in Kihyun's stomach could be fluttering their wings in Hyungwon's, too.

And maybe it's a little frustrating, because boys like Hyungwon aren't meant to give Kihyun butterflies. Assholes aren't meant to make Kihyun blush and make his heart race; assholes aren't meant to have a soft touch, or a soft kiss; and, surely, assholes aren't meant to make Kihyun's stomach twist.

Assholes aren't meant to be like Hyungwon.


	3. of clinginess and later (whenever that is)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They return to their silence, a yawn slipping from Hyungwon's mouth, and Kihyun looks at him, in the way he meant for Hyungwon to never notice, and he thinks, _you are special, you idiot,_ and he thinks about telling him as he rests his head on top of Hyungwon's, watching his house from the windshield and the soft sky laid out behind it. But not only can Kihyun be stupid sometimes, he can be a little fearful. He can worry himself with the thought of letting people in on how much they mean to him and having them leave. He can worry of the aftermath of getting too comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short in comparison to my other chapters, but eh i wrote what i needed to ^.~

Kihyun doesn't know what the fuck _uh,_   _can I call_  you later? means.

Well, he does, it's pretty self-explanatory, really, but it's far too vague. Too empty of a question. Kihyun doesn't know when _later_ is, and he may or may not have hoped that _later_ meant that night.

But, nonetheless, Kihyun definitely doesn't wait around for it. His phone just happens to be rested on his desk as he studies, and he may or may not have his ringer to full volume so he can hear the  _let's sing a gay little spring song_ —the first line of a Bambi track his friends had found way too funny—of his ringtone loud and clear and be able to answer immediately. But not immediately, immediately. He can't make Hyungwon think Kihyun's been waiting around for him, because he definitely hasn't. Kihyun doesn't wait around for guys, especially guys like Hyungwon. 

 _Later_ ends up not being that morning, either, when Kihyun promised his mom he'd go to church, but instead ends up at his desk studying and _not_ waiting. Hyungwon still doesn't call him, even when the day has faded into the afternoon, and then evening when Kihyun's phone rings and he nearly falls out of his chair to answer it, but it's only Hoseok asking if he'd like to have dinner. Honestly Kihyun's pretty hungry, but he doesn't know when later could come and he may or may not want to be there for whenever later is, so he continues studying, continues not waiting, and convinces himself he's not wasting any of his time, because he's surely not waiting around for Hyungwon.

Come Monday Hyungwon isn't there to walk Kihyun to his morning lecture hall, or Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday.

He feels a little angry, and maybe a little pained that he'd cut his studying short too many nights so he could arrive to campus a little early and _not_ wait in the front of the building for Hyungwon. He stands for quite some time every day, incessantly glancing at his phone until the tips of his fingers fade from a pale tint to a soft, numbing blue, and Kihyun finally decides that he's done enough of _not_ waiting and hurries into the building for class.

"I get it now," Kihyun murmurs when it's dinnertime and him and his roommate are sat over ddeokbokki. "You know, about not showing up to the theatre meet. It's sort of making sense to me now."

Changkyun nods, quite smugly, too, and Kihyun regrets the possibility of causing his roommate to think he's some sort of genius now. "Who got too comfortable?" 

"Me," he says, and Kihyun's head lowers to their meal with shame, as if he's admitting to a malicious crime he'd committed, "I got too comfortable."

(And Kihyun always gets too comfortable. It's annoying, really, the way someone can have him undone so easily. And before Hyungwon, he'd thought of himself free from this habit, after quite a few times of being dumped because of his distance, or, rather, his lack of affection and lack of attention. He honestly doesn't know what Chae Hyungwon has happened to do to him.)

For the weekend Kihyun sits in the cafe with his friends, sulking and hating — no,  _loathing_ Hyungwon, and pitifully sipping at a cup of hot chocolate Hyunwoo whips up for him for no price. This is one of the reasons Kihyun loves him.

"Maybe you should just call him," Hoseok suggests, nonchalantly, as if _just calling him_ is that easy. Kihyun glares at his friend, wordlessly, bringing his cup to his lips and pulling it back away with a smear of whip-cream on his upper lip.

"Kyun cannot just call him, what do you think this is?" Minhyuk nearly exclaims, or entirely exclaims. It's a little difficult labeling Minhyuk's exclamation levels. "Hyungwon asked to call him, so he has to wait for Hyungwon to call him. He can't seem needy, it'll scare Hyungwon off."

"Like you scared Hyunwoo hyung off?" Hoseok asks.

Minhyuk frowns. "I'm needy and proud, okay?"

"I haven't seen Hyungwon at school at all," Changkyun softly chimes in. "We usually eat lunch together, almost every day, and lately he hasn't met up with me. That's a little unsettling, right? Something could've happened to him."

Kihyun's brows rise at this, and instantly he looks to his friends with fearful eyes. "Minhyuk-ah, what do I do now?"

"I don't know," Minhyuk murmurs, slowly leaning back into his chair. "Why are you asking me?"

"You should just call him," Hoseok suggests once again. "It doesn't matter if you're the first one calling. What if he died and we're late to the funeral? That wouldn't be good."

Kihyun just blinks at him. "Being late to his funeral is really what you're worried about?"

"Call him," Jooheon encourages, along with Changkyun and Hoseok, and, eventually, Minhyuk. It doesn't take much contemplation before Kihyun's picking up his phone and ringing him, right then and there, since he's a little afraid this sudden confidence of his will evaporate into anxiety, and he'll just end up by his desk again, day-by-day, studying and not waiting, and, eventually, missing Hyungwon's funeral.

And, also, his friends insist rather firmly it's very necessary for them to be present for this conversation.

"It's ringing," Kihyun whispers, fingers clutching onto the phone a little tighter, and it's a little stupid that this is being made into such a dramatic moment, but in a way, this is a dramatic moment for Kihyun. He's sure his friends know this.

The phone rings again and Kihyun feels his stomach tightening, teeth nibbling at pink lips, eyes glued to the lid of his hot chocolate rising with steam in a wisp of smoke. It rings again, his friends curiously staring at him, leaning closer with anticipation, before there's another ring. And then it rings again and again and —

_Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system..._

"Ugh," Kihyun sulks, phone resting to the table, "he didn't answer."

"Call him again," Hoseok instantly suggests, and because no one has any better ideas, Kihyun ends up ringing Hyungwon four times that all eventually direct him to voicemail.

"Damn," Jooheon says, sipping the last drops of coffee in his cup, "how terrible of a kisser are you?"

"Don't be like that," Minhyuk laughs with a playful slap to Jooheon's shoulder. "Maybe he just needs a little time alone, or maybe he just doesn't have service? He could just not have service right now, wherever he is, and that's why he can't answer your calls."

"Or he's busy," Hoseok adds. He slips his chin onto Kihyun's shoulder, two arms snaking around his torso. "Don't feel sad, Kyun. If Hyungwon is dead, I will willingly take his place."

Kihyun snorts at this, fingertips running along Hoseok's hair and gently massaging his pale scalp. "Of course, hyung."

 

 

-o-

 

 

It's so frustrating not having Hyungwon around. 

Well, having it said in that way makes Kihyun sound clingy, and he surely isn't clingy. Surely. He loathes Hyungwon, really.

It's just, well, frustrating, that he's not sure where he is, or sure why he's suddenly disappeared out of Kihyun's life without a word, without any form of warning, not even a little indication. And maybe it's unrealistic to think that Hyungwon would even give him this indication that he wishes for. Maybe Hyungwon and him aren't as close as he thought them to be, and maybe that kiss in front of Kihyun's house meant much less to Hyungwon than it did to Kihyun, and maybe Kihyun shouldn't have let himself get too comfortable, maybe Kihyun should've continued hating him and liking him less so that when Hyungwon suddenly leaves without a word it wouldn't hurt so much.

Kihyun spends the next few days sulking. Studying doesn't even happen to take his mind off Hyungwon, not with his phone sat beside him, and Kihyun feeling a tinge of sadness whenever his phone pings and the notification isn't from Hyungwon. 

He tries calling him again—when he gets a little brave, and a little impatient—but he only receives the same response, that stupid automated voicemail message being the only voice to greet him, and, really, he begins to think it's best Hyungwon hasn't shown up yet, since Kihyun thinks he'd instantly punch him in the face.

"I just don't get it," Kihyun groans to the jar of strawberry jam he'd made, slapping a spoonful onto a slice of white bread and angrily spreading it. "Who just kisses someone and then asks to call them and then suddenly disappears off the face of the earth? He's _such_  ass, I swear."

"You don't know what could've happened," Changkyun tries. "Something could've came up."

"In which he can't even return my calls for nearly two weeks? It's almost been _two_ weeks!"

Changkyun contemplates this, a soft yawn pushing from his mouth. "I don't know, hyung. You don't know either."

And that's the whole fucking problem.

Kihyun hates not knowing things, and he hates that he allowed himself to take such a liking to Hyungwon that he's made a whole jar of strawberry jam for absolutely no reason whatsoever at an ungodly hour when he should've been losing sleep studying and not losing sleep thinking of soft lips and large, warm hands.

"Ugh!" Kihyun huffs, dropping the knife into the sink with a loud clank and staring out of the kitchen window, lips pushed into a pout at where he'd stood nearly two weeks ago, blushing his ass off because Hyungwon had kissed him. 

Changkyun studies him, closely, until Kihyun's huffing again, tightening the lid on the jar and practically throwing it into the refrigerator.

"I'm going to class," he murmurs. Changkyun only nods him off silently, and the day goes as the day before and the day before and the day before — _not_ waiting on and _not_ thinkingof Hyungwon.

 

On the bus ride home, Kihyun looks to the screen of his phone, pensively, thumb hovering over Hyungwon's contact, and for a second he goes to turn his phone off, but instead he's dubiously clicking on Hyungwon's contact, and opening a new text message.

At first, he's just staring, contemplating, tapping his thumb to the screen for it to not fade into black before, suddenly, his thumb is figuring out how to type.

 

_< KH> Hi~ it's been a while. Hopefully I haven't been irritating _

_with all the calls,_   _I just want to know if you're doing ok^^ Call me!_

 

Too cheesy. Kihyun erases it and stares at the window of the bus, falling into another deep contemplation, before averting his eyes to the now empty box.

 

_< KH> Where are you, I've been calling for quite some time now_

_I hope that you are healthy and return_   _soon. Don't hesitate to call me —_

 

Immediately, Kihyun backspaces, staring to the window again with thoughtful, squinted eyes.

 

_< KH> Where are you idiot? I've remembered there's a _

_Disney film you still owe me so call me —_

Erase. 

_< KH> I've been worrying about you since you've been gone —_

 

Erase. Erase.

_< KH> I've been missing you a lot —_

Erase. Erase. Erase.

_< KH> I hope you die, bastard! Who just kisses someone and_

_then magically disappears the next day? I thought you liked me —_

Erase. Erase. Erase —

 _"Shit!"_  

Kihyun tries to hurry to his control center, but just as he's dragging his thumb up the screen of his phone and going for his airplane mode, it's too late.

 

_< KH> I hope you die, bastard_

_Delivered._

He nearly screams.

 

 

 _"Do something!"_ Kihyun pleads, helplessly shoving his phone into Jooheon's hands.

His friend scrutinizes the message sent to Hyungwon, and then with furrowed brows, scrutinizes Kihyun's phone, thoughtfully twisting himself in his computer chair, side-to-side.

"So?" Kihyun asks. "Is it fixable?"

"Anything is fixable," Jooheon easily replies, and it's a little too much that Kihyun can't help but roll his eyes. "But the real question is, how much are you paying?" 

"Paying?" His friend nods, nonchalantly taking a long sip from his mug. "You know I'm broke. Can't I just pay you with my love?"

"I'm not really up for that."

 _"Please!"_ Kihyun tightly embraces him, squishing his friend's face against his chest. "I love you! I also never ask you for favors, so please just do this for me! Just this once!"

"You ask for favors a lot."

"Please, Jooheon-ah, I am your friend. Do this for me," he whines. Jooheon just blankly stares at him, head shaking with disappointment, even as Kihyun drops to his knees with a sincere plead.

"I appreciate your persistence," he tells him, slowly, as if he regrets that he's even saying this, "so I'll let you pay me with any price."

Excitedly, Kihyun goes searching through his pockets —

"That is over one thousand won," Jooheon quickly clarifies.

Kihyun sulks, and then smiles, a hand sinking back into the pockets of his cream khakis."One thousand and," he goes through his pocket again, before gently placing a coin to his friend's outstretched palm, "fifty won."

"You're so cheap," Jooheon sighs, "but I do not turn away customers in need, even my poverty-stricken ones."

"So you're going to fix it?"

"I'll do what I can," is the only reply Kihyun's left with, which isn't really as reassuring of a response as Kihyun needs it to be, but he decides not to push it. As long as Hyungwon doesn't see that message, he'll be okay. "By the way, since you paid me so little, I want you to do a favor for me in return."

His brows rise at this. "Like?"

"Like," Jooheon pauses before he continues, nervously smiling at the screen of Kihyun's phone, "getting Changkyun to like me?"

Kihyun laughs at this. "What kind of favor is that? Are you serious?"

"I'm serious."

"But he already likes you. Actually, a lot."

Jooheon just stares at him, eyes squinting in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Kihyun says, brows furrowed. "You're such an idiot. I thought you guys were together or something."

"He's really confusing, okay?" Jooheon says, but he's smiling, elbows propping onto the table in front of him. "Well, since you say he likes me and all, my favor is that I want you to tell him I want to be his boyfriend."

"Why can't you just tell him? This isn't middle school."

"Do you want me to fix this or not?" Jooheon asks, threateningly waving Kihyun's phone at him, and with a long sigh, the older male obliges, heading to Minhyuk and Jooheon's kitchen to leave his friend in isolation to work his magic. Apparently, it's the only way Jooheon can work properly, even though Kihyun's not quite sure how trusting that statement is. But he's desperate at this point, and the worst Jooheon has done to his phone is change all his contact names and leave nearly a hundred selfies in his camera roll, so hopefully he'll be able to deal with the aftermath.

Nearly thirty minutes later Kihyun's sat back in the computer room Jooheon's been claiming is his office for quite some time now. It's really just a room with a large computer Minhyuk only uses, Jooheon's laptop on a shelf of DVDs Kihyun's sure his friends never watch, and a large box of tangled cords pushed into the corner Jooheon has been too lazy to organize since two years ago, when Minhyuk and Jooheon had moved in together.

"So?" Kihyun nervously asks, reluctantly taking a seat from across his friend. "Did you delete the message?"

"Delete the message?" Jooheon repeats, brows scrunched, as if Kihyun's suddenly switched into speaking a foreign language.

"Yes," he says, having to drag out his words and push his palms against the edge of the desk to keep himself from jumping across it, "that's what I asked you, remember?"

"No," Jooheon tells him, "you told me to do something, so I updated your phone software, and then I sent Hyungwon a gif of Jackie Chan dressed as Chun-Li."

 _"Jooheon-ah!"_ His friend jumps. 

"You should calm down," he says, sipping from his mug once again. "I only did what I thought you asked of me."

"You seriously thought I was asking for you to send a gif of Jackie Chan dressed as Chun-Li?" 

Jooheon chuckles into his mug. "No, that was just my idea."

"Didn't you listen to any of my rant? I didn't want you to do any of what you did! I just wanted you to delete the message!"

"Oh," he says, dragging out the syllable before gently placing the mug back to the table, "well, you're in luck, hyung. That's _super_ easy."

Kihyun nods, staring in anticipation as Jooheon retrieves his phone from the top of the desk, and, what feels like two seconds, hands it to him. Kihyun looks to his vague text conversations with Hyungwon—they prefer calling each other—exhaling deeply at the absence of the message he'd sent. "So," he smiles, "Hyungwon isn't going to see the message I sent him, right?"

Jooheon leans back into his seat. "Oh no, he's definitely going to see your message."

"What?"

"It delivered as soon as you sent it, you didn't notice?" He turns his chair away, slowly, and starts his laptop. "I can't unsend a message that's already been delivered. I'm a tech major, not God."

With that, Kihyun's phone pings, and for the first time since Hyungwon's left, Kihyun wishes for it to not be a message from him.

 

_< HW> Um..._

 

"I hate you," Kihyun groans, snatching back his money from Jooheon's desk. "And I'm telling Changkyun to no longer like you."

 

 

-o-

 

 

Head under a fur hood, Kihyun scurries to class, sneakers pattering down the frosted concrete when Hyungwon wordlessly joins him. Kihyun only acknowledges him with a glance to the little smile on his face and an uninterested lift of his chin before he's looking ahead again.

"So you are upset with me," Hyungwon observes, exhaling an icy cloud from his lips. "I assumed that you were, although I was a little confused since you wished death upon me, and then an hour later you sent me a Jackie Chan gif."

"That was Jooheon," he softly explains. "And forget about that message I sent you, it was an accident."

Hyungwon nods, hands tucking in a black wool coat. "I'm sorry about disappearing like that, and then not being able to answer any of your calls. It wasn't meant as you might've thought. Something came up with my family, so we had to leave Seoul suddenly, and the signal where we stayed was pretty bad. I tried texting you every day, you know? If that makes you feel better any better."

It does, but Hyungwon doesn't have to know that. Kihyun looks to his shoes, fighting the stupid smile tugging at his lips. It doesn't do much.

"Seems like you missed me quite a lot," Hyungwon chuckles. He bumps their arms together, teasingly, smiling widely at the shorter boy.

Kihyun rolls his eyes, chin lifting. "I barely noticed you were gone."

"Really?"

He hums, a smug smile on his lips as his feet pause at the building of his lecture hall. "Nope. I wouldn't have even noticed you were gone if it weren't for my friends bringing it up."

"Wow." Hyungwon scrutinizes the building behind him, eyes squinting behind round lenses. "Well, that's good then. I didn't like the thought of worrying you."

Kihyun hums again. "I should go now," he says, nodding towards the building, and Hyungwon waves him off with a soft smile that Kihyun struggles not to reciprocate.

He walks off with no further thoughts, hands pocketed, backpack slapping against his back, and then his feet are pausing. Kihyun doesn't know what he's doing, or maybe he does, since his legs are leading him right back to Hyungwon, down the staircase, across the concrete, two arms embracing Hyungwon's thin torso. "Don't ever leave me like that again," he softly whines into his chest, like an idiot. Like some clingy fool.

But then again, Kihyun supposes it's a little all right to be clingy sometimes. And a fool.

 

Nothing changes after that, or well, things change in the sense that Hyungwon doesn't ask to call him and then manages to die a few hours later. Things change meaning everything goes back to normal. But Kihyun assumes that's only what he believes since his friends—who seemingly have no other form of entertainment besides engaging in Kihyun's dating life—think otherwise.

"It's just the aura the two of you bring," Hoseok tries to explain one day. "You both are really happy with each other."

Kihyun doesn't quite get that, or quite get how his friends can even perceive his animosity for Hyungwon as happiness. Most of the time Kihyun wants to punch him, and the very little, rare moments Kihyun isn't prepared to fight, Hyungwon has bought him food. And for fucks sake he wishes they'd stop calling Hyungwon his boyfriend.

"It's called dating," Kihyun informs them at their usual meet-ups at the café. Normally Hyungwon doesn't have time to join them, but this afternoon he does and as soon as he's leaving to go to the restroom, Kihyun's friends are right on his ass.

Minhyuk sighs at this, looking into his americano with a shake of his head. "How can someone so smart be so stupid?"

"I'm not stupid," Kihyun says, a little defensively. "Just because we're kind of like being weird right now, doesn't mean anything. He could go date someone else and I literally wouldn't care, because we're not this big deal, or whatever you guys are trying to make it out to be."

It turns out that whatever this big deal his friends are trying to make it out to be is kind of what it already is. 

Kihyun isn't known to get jealous, at least he doesn't think so, especially over some stupid girl fresher Kihyun finds Hyungwon talking to when he's leaving from class. Kihyun tries to convince himself he's upset that Hyungwon's wasting his time and not at all upset that this girl who isn't, well, ugly, is touching Hyungwon's shoulder and squinting up at him with this wide smile as if he's the prettiest person she's ever seen. It's annoying, so annoying, especially when Kihyun thinks he should be the only one allowed to look at Hyungwon in this way.

(Not that Hyungwon is _that_ pretty, of course.)

"Jealous," Hyungwon says when the girl has finally sent him off. He pokes a finger to Kihyun's cheek, instantly retrieving his hand once Kihyun's widening his mouth to bite him.

"I'm not jealous."

"Jealous," he repeats, smiling, as if being the cause of Kihyun's anger is something to be proud of. "You're fuming."

"Shut up," Kihyun huffs, "I am _not_ fuming."

Hyungwon laughs at Kihyun's involuntary pout, making him feel even more ridiculous than before for feelings this way. Hyungwon isn't his. Hyungwon can talk to whoever he wants to, and Kihyun isn't supposed to care. "Don't worry, irascible. She was just asking about the due date of an assignment, okay?"

"I don't care."

"You care," Hyungwon tells him, teasingly, and _ugh_ , Kihyun looks away, arms crossing. "It's all right, I'll allow you to be possessive to a minimal since you like me and all, but you have to let me be possessive, too. At least a little bit."

Kihyun snorts. "How possessive?"

"I want to take up more of your time," he says, instantly. "And I want you to tell me when your shift at the restaurant ends so I can be with you until your next class. And I want you to start waking me up with morning texts again. And I want you to call me more, even if it's unexpected."

"Only if you go out for lunch with me more than you do with Changkyun and start inviting me over your house and hold my hand and kiss me more often."

Hyungwon's eyes trail to the building behind him, hands pocketing. "Only if you stop telling the others that I'm not your boyfriend."

"What?"

"I'm kind of your boyfriend," Hyungwon explains, looking to him again, "so you should probably stop telling them that I'm not your boyfriend."

"Well," Kihyun chews his lip, "you're only _kind of_ my boyfriend."

"Still your boyfriend."

"I wouldn't really describe it as boyfriend."

"Then what would you describe it as?"

Kihyun contemplates this, eyes narrowing at the small smile tugging on Hyungwon's face. "You're just mine, okay?"

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, but smiles, slender fingers interlacing with Kihyun's. "I guess I can take that," he tells him as they stroll down the sidewalk towards Hyungwon's car. "You're mine, too."

 

 

-o-

 

 

6 AM Kihyun's alarm rings by his desk, a small yawn slipping from his mouth as he pulls his eyes from the page of his textbook and reaches for his phone.

 

_< KH> Hi idiot, did you sleep well? _

_Make sure you don't eat breakfast when you wake up_

_It's on me this morning, so let's meet early before class^^_

 

 

 

-o-

 

 

"Okay," Hyungwon sighs, a hand pushing through a dark fringe as he pulls his head from Kihyun's lap, "this wasn't terrible."

"Really?" Kihyun flicks the TV off and stretches an arm to the neglected bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, a smile tugging on his lips at the slow nod he's given. "Wow, you _actually_ liked it?"

Hyungwon grimaces. "It wasn't terrible," he firmly clarifies, and Kihyun laughs, shoving him over onto the arm of the sofa.

"You _so_ teared up when Mufasa died."

"Only a little bit."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, though. There's no way of not liking _The Lion King._ You either like it, or you love it, there's no in between." Hyungwon stares at the blank TV screen in contemplation, probably finding a way to argue against this, but, unsurprisingly, he just settles with a shrug. "I think _The Lion King_ would be my all-time favorite if it weren't for _The Hunchback of Notre Dame,_ but _The Lion King_ comes in as a very close second."

"That's your favorite?" he asks. Kihyun hums, absently draping a leg over Hyungwon's thigh. "It must be really good then."

"It is."

Soon, the TV is flicked back on and Hyungwon's head rests on Kihyun's chest, a hand dangling above the floor with fingers slowly brushing back and forth against the carpet, and he's just too calm for Kihyun to tell him that he's been lying on him in a rather uncomfortable position for the past forty-five minutes. Moving only prompts Hyungwon to move along with him and find another position against Kihyun's chest that isn't any more comfortable than it was before, and once again falls into a comfortable silence with his eyes glued to _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ , and really Kihyun would be entirely okay with this if it weren't for the weight of his head nearly caving his chest in.

"Hyungwon —"

"My grandfather died."

It's said so softly Kihyun is sure there's no way he's heard it correctly. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Did you say that your grandfather died?"

"It's nothing."

"No," Kihyun struggles for the remote control on the floor, sending Hyungwon to sit up from his chest and giving him a chance to pause the film, "when did he die?"

"A while ago," Hyungwon murmurs. "It's why I left so suddenly and for so long. It's not a big deal, though."

"How is it not a big deal?"

"It's not like I knew him that well. Me coming back home was our first time meeting, actually." With a slight shrug, he looks to his hands, long fingers lacing, and then slowly unlacing. "But I guess it still made me feel a bit sad, to be honest. I've never really known anyone who has died before. Let alone take care of someone who has died."

Kihyun nods, slow. It's all he can think to do.

"I'm sorry," Hyungwon quickly apologizes, a small laugh escaping his lips in a soft breath. "That was really random, wasn't it? I didn't mean to make this gloomy. Let's just forget about it."

Kihyun isn't sure what he's supposed to tell him, and, like an idiot, he can only give another slow nod, watching mutely as Hyungwon scrambles to resume the film and gently pushes Kihyun onto his back again, head resting to his chest. It's too discomforting continuing the film like this, though, and it's not only because the weight of Hyungwon's head is making it a little too difficult to inhale normally and every time he moves, even an inch, he squishes Kihyun's stomach. It seems that Kihyun can barely feel it, the only feeling being the palpable silence engulfing them.

Really, he wasn't sure kind-of boyfriends talked about things like this. About bad things that happen to them. About _feelings,_ and such. Kihyun has held himself back from rambling on about his stupid feelings for quite some time now, and he thinks maybe Hyungwon has been, too.

(He thinks he can get used to this. The interlacing limbs and silence and this sudden discovery of trust that Hyungwon has for him.)

"We can talk, you know?" Kihyun says, fingers lacing through Hyungwon's hair. "About anything, ever. You can come to me about stuff that bothers you. I can be a good listener."

Hyungwon snorts. " _You?_ A good listener?"

"Ya! Do you want to drop off this couch?"

His laugh lightly vibrates against Kihyun's chest, and he can't help but smile at the crown of Hyungwon's head, the colors of _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ dancing across his face when he looks up at him.

"You can come to me about stuff, too," Hyungwon tells him. He turns, hovering over Kihyun with this little smile tugging at his lips. "And I'm a better listener."

"Oh, wow, whatever."

Leave it up to Hyungwon to make him wonder what it is that caused Kihyun to like him.

Hyungwon grins, planting a soft kiss to his lips, before he's turning away and snuggling back into Kihyun's chest.

It doesn't hurt so much this time.

 

 

-o-

 

 

 

Hyungwon always kisses like it means something.

At first it's just a simple brush of the lips. Shy, reluctant, unsure fingers stretched over the cheek. A small kiss over coffee or a peck after _see you tomorrow_ s or _see you after class_. Kisses that have Kihyun's cheeks a little red, and him smiling to himself like an idiot with this feeling like a lovestruck schoolgirl who scribbles boys' names into notebooks with little, red hearts around it.

Then there's the kisses on Kihyun's couch, in the front of Hyungwon's car, with their lips locked and Kihyun cupping Hyungwon's face and the pad of Hyungwon's thumb as gentle as his lips rested on Kihyun's hip, softly rubbing a circle there like he's something delicate. They're kisses saved for nights of just them, where silence feels nice and Hyungwon's lips sort of intoxicate him in a way that always has Kihyun saying stupid things.

("I feel safe," Kihyun voices once, and he thinks it's probably because they're watching _Sleeping Beauty_ , one of his favorites, and Hyungwon has been kissing him so much he's sure that when he wakes up his lips will be sore.

Hyungwon looks at him, a little laugh leaving his lips, an arm draped around Kihyun, and it's true what he's said, Kihyun does feel safe. But it's stupid. He's not supposed to actually confess things like that, not aloud, anyway, not to him.

"With me?" he asks, their noses nearly brushing, his breath hot against Kihyun's lips.

Vigorously, Kihyun nods, and instantly kisses him again, almost desperately, as _Sleeping Beauty_ becomes yet another film left forgotten.)

And then there's the wet, open-mouthed kisses. 

For the back of Hyungwon's car with their legs interlaced and Kihyun's clothes clinging to his skin and Hyungwon's shirt missing buttons and hanging from his shoulder. For when Hyungwon's sat on Kihyun's desk with his fingers tangled in his hair and his legs dangling from Kihyun's hips and the books and notes Kihyun had spent hours two days before punctiliously organizing tumbling to the floor.

When Hyungwon's lying on the bed underneath him, needy and out of breath, arms hanging from Kihyun's neck as Kihyun eases three fingers in and out of him, Hyungwon's lips sloppy against his, and Kihyun planning to tease Hyungwon about it later.

("Enough of that," Hyungwon says into his mouth, groaning almost. Kihyun pulls away, his hands finding their place on Hyungwon's sides when he leans back into him, whispering, "I want you."

Hyungwon brings their lips back together, Kihyun tasting something sweet on his tongue, until he's trailing kisses along Hyungwon's jawline, into his neck, laughing against his collarbone at the whimper Hyungwon gives him.

"Stop playing around, you asshole."

Kihyun kisses his lips again. "Then stop being so impatient."

Hyungwon's hair is pushed from his forehead in a mess, his lips red and swollen, head propped up with a bundle of Kihyun's pillows, and he's still breathing a little heavily, his sleek chest rising and falling in anticipation until Kihyun returns from the box of condoms in his sock drawer, hovering over him.

"How do you want me?"

"Like this," Hyungwon instantly breathes. His arms wrap around his neck again, their faces so close Kihyun could trace every feature, and he wonders how many times you have to kiss someone before you've kissed them too many times.

"Don't laugh at me, but," Kihyun brushes their noses, "I think you look so pretty right now."

Hyungwon does laugh, then gasps as Kihyun's pushing into him, his arms falling from his neck and resting by his side. Kihyun scrutinizes his face, the wrinkle of Hyungwon's brows, dark eyes fluttering closed, teeth chewing at red-bitten lips, and it's frustrating how someone's breath can make him shiver, how this soft exhale leaving his lips and the fluttering of his eyes can make his head spin.

And gosh, he really is pretty, even so sweaty and messy. He's Kihyun's mess. Kihyun's mess is lovely. 

He kisses Hyungwon's moan, almost as if he's swallowing it, and Hyungwon's hand tangles in his hair as he kisses him back, hungry and needy and everything else that makes Kihyun's skin burn.)

 

 

-o-

 

 

 

"Why do you look at me like that?" Hyungwon asks, carefully brushing away the strands of hair from Kihyun's eyes. It's nearly morning and Kihyun and Hyungwon are sat in the back of Hyungwon's car, having been for a few hours now parked along the road of Kihyun's house, too content to separate and go home.

Kihyun knows he'll regret this, when he's struggling against heavy eyelids at his lecture hall in two hours, when he falls asleep in the shower and nearly hits his head on the mirror whilst brushing his teeth.

That's not now, though.

Kihyun pushes Hyungwon's hand away, shaking his hair back into place. "Look at you like what?"

"I don't know," he replies. His head drops onto Kihyun's shoulder, an arm loped in his own. "It's only sometimes. I guess it just makes me feel special. I was just wondering... why you, like..."

His voice becomes smaller and smaller until he entirely trails off into silence, nervously running a hand along the knee of his jeans.

"I sound stupid," Hyungwon lightly laughs.

"You always sound stupid," Kihyun tells him, and Hyungwon picks his head up, glaring at him, before resting on his shoulder again. 

They return to their silence, a yawn slipping from Hyungwon's mouth, and Kihyun looks at him, in the way he meant for Hyungwon to never notice, and he thinks, _you are special, you idiot,_ and he thinks about telling him as he rests his head on top of Hyungwon's, watching his house from the windshield and the soft sky laid out behind it. But not only can Kihyun be stupid sometimes, he can be a little fearful. He can worry himself with the thought of letting people in on how much they mean to him and having them leave. He can worry of the aftermath of getting too comfortable.

He pecks Hyungwon's head instead, quick, and rests on him again, hoping that that's enough.

 

 

-o-

 

 

 

It's after their theatre meet Minhyuk pulls Kihyun aside, an arm wrapping around his shoulder and this sunny smile on his face that makes Kihyun rather uneasy. Kihyun has seen this smile much too many times to not feel uneasy at the sight of it. The same _'you know how you told me and Jooheon to not go to that party?'_ smile Kihyun's flashed last year when he's scowling at both of his friends behind a jail cell, the _'you know how you told me not to wear your clothes without asking you?'_ smile when Minhyuk's apologetically looking at him with Kihyun's favorite sweater held in his palms, now awfully bleached and shrank into a sweater fit for a newborn baby. 

Kihyun can only grimace at his friend, thinking what else could his friend have happened to do that will inevitably make his life a little bit more difficult than it already is. "What is it?"

"You know how you love me?" Minhyuk asks, and Kihyun nods, slow, fingers finding the straps of his backpack.

"Maybe a little."

"And," he yanks the shorter boy into him, grinning, "you know how I'm your closest friend?"

"Um, not really."

Minhyuk smile drops at this. "Just promise you won't get upset."

"The fact you have to say that means I'm most likely going to get upset," Kihyun says, "so I'm choosing to not promise anything."

"Fine," he sighs, pulling his arm from around Kihyun and instead deciding to stand across from him. "Well, uh, you know how you're not really going to be doing anything for theatre this play?"

Kihyun stares at him. "You wrote my name on the audition sheet without my consent, didn't you?" he asks, tone flat.

"Don't say it like that; this is a good thing," Minhyuk tries. He nudges his elbow into Kihyun's side, wrapping an arm around his friend again to slowly guide him down the aisles of the empty theatre. "It's a really fun process, Kyun. We can go over the script together and you'll have it down in no time. Acting really isn't that hard."

"That's debatable."

"I'm sorry that I didn't ask you for your permission," he says, slowly, as if he's carefully choosing his words, "but I really think you should go ahead and audition with me. Hoseok hyung thinks so also, and Jooheon thinks it'll be a good idea, too. We all talked about it."

"Nice to know my friends talk of the decisions you're going to make for me." Kihyun sarcastically smiles at him, causing Minhyuk's eyes to apologetically dart to the floor. "Anyway, I'm a busy person. It's my last semester, so I have a lot of pressure on me right now"

Minhyuk scoffs. "It's my last semester, too, and I'm still auditioning."

"We're two entirely different people."

"Please!" Kihyun shakes his head, pushing open the double doors of the theatre building with Minhyuk clinging onto his arm. "Playing Doody isn't that difficult, that's why I signed your name for him. You'll learn his lines easily, and the song."

"I haven't even seen _Grease_ , Minhyuk-ah."

"It's not too late to see it!" he whines. Kihyun sighs of relief, waving a hand to Hyungwon leaning against his car, tugging his eyes from the screen of his phone and softly smiling at the sight of Kihyun's arrival.

"I'm leaving now," he says. Minhyuk pouts and Kihyun gently nudges him with a shoulder before running off to join his boyfriend.

 

 

"You should do it," Hyungwon encourages over their meal, and Kihyun groans at this, slightly tipping his bowl against his lips and downing his soup with a soft slurp. "Didn't you tell me one time that you've always wanted to be in a play?"

Kihyun cocks his head at this, brows scrunching as he sets his bowl back to the table. "I don't really remember."

"Well, I do," Hyungwon tells him, "and you also told me how when you were in primary school you always had to secretly watch those stupid Disney films and secretly learn all the songs and secretly learn all the lines, and then go over it in your closet where your parents couldn't hear you because they thought it was a waste of time."

"Well," Kihyun looks to his empty bowl, running the back of his wrist over his mouth, "it was sort of a waste of time."

"Maybe it was," he shrugs, "but it doesn't really matter. You should just audition, you know, after you actually watch the film."

Kihyun laughs, smiling at the dumpling Hyungwon adds to his plate, and he contemplates it, weighing the assignments of his last semester and the studying and the sleepless nights. It doesn't seem like much room for wasting time. "I don't know," is what he comes up with before stuffing his mouth with Hyungwon's dumpling.

 

-o-

 

 

 

"Do you think we'll be together forever?" Kihyun softly asks to the screen of _Pocahontas_ , curled tightly into Hyungwon's side.

"Who knows?" is how he replies, and the way his chin presses into Kihyun's head he has a feeling that Hyungwon's smiling.

"Do you think someday we'll break up?" 

He softly exhales at this, with his chin still pressed into Kihyun's head, and Kihyun's too nervous to look up and scrutinize the meaning of it. "Hm," he hums, "probably."

At least it's honest.

"You've asked me why I like you before," Kihyun mentions, "and I brushed it off, like, I never answered."

Hyungwon's fingers gently circle into Kihyun's shoulder, and it's just as soothing as the _can you sing with all the voices of the mountains, can you paint with all the colors of the wind?_ softly playing from the TV. "Have you thought about why you like me?"

"Well," he says, "I did think about it, a lot, actually, and I don't know. I'm not really sure."

"You don't know why you like me?"

"Not really." Kihyun looks down, a hand resting to Hyungwon's chest as he contemplates this, and then, suddenly, breaks into a laugh.

"It's okay," Hyungwon murmurs, smiling against his hair. "It doesn't matter if you don't know why, as long as you stay liking me."

 

 

 

-o-

 

 

 

Kihyun scrutinizes the map on his phone, comparing it to the street in front of him, squinted eyes running along a white staircase until they're fixing on the small, grey house he's passed nearly ten-thousand times.

He's sure he could map it out by now, every inch of the neighborhood in one sitting and still with no knowledge of where the hell Hyungwon lives. For nearly an hour he's been treading up and down the sidewalks with close to nothing of a guidance from the terrible GPS on his phone and the address Hyungwon sent him through a text message that'd only really taken him as far as the bus ride. 

He curses himself for putting down Hyungwon's offer of just driving him here, even after he'd told him the house might be a little hard to find. Kihyun had just instantly claimed he could find Hyungwon's house easily, because sometimes he does have quite a big head with himself, but mostly because he'd prepared some kimchi for their dinner that he'd been waiting to surprise Hyungwon with.

A sigh, pushing from his lips, he turns from the small, grey house and steps to continue his circle around the parking lot, just before he hears a shout.

_"Kihyun-ah!"_

His head turns from the screen of his phone and to the house, squinting at a head peeping from the window of the upper floor with two hands waving at him.

"Why are you just standing down there?" Hyungwon shouts, jerking a thumb to the room behind him. "Come inside!"

With that, Hyungwon carefully slides the window closed and disappears, leaving Kihyun awkwardly standing on the sidewalk with fiddling fingers. 

Honestly, he's not sure why he's so anxious, and over the _smallest_ of things. It'd been Kihyun's request to visit Hyungwon's house initially, anyway, even if this was requested under the impression that Hyungwon lived alone, and also under the impression that Hyungwon and him weren't far enough in their relationship to meet parents. Two things Kihyun had been very wrong about.

Meeting his mom is the first thing Hyungwon suggests when Kihyun reminds him he's never been to his house before. And instantly too, as if he's spent quite some time thinking of it.

("You don't have to meet her if you don't want to," Hyungwon quickly tells him at the pause Kihyun gives him at the question, silently staring into the steam rising from his coffee, and there's something in the way he says it that has Kihyun vigorously shaking his head.

"No, no, no," he smiles. "It's fine; I do want to meet her.")

Hyungwon's mother has heard a lot of Kihyun. It's what she tells him when they're introduced to each other at the door and Kihyun's slowly lifting his head from bowing, grinning. Mostly at the blush that creeps over Hyungwon's cheeks, partially at the fact he's not sure what else to do besides smile.

"What is this?" Hyungwon asks to the bag dangling from Kihyun's wrist.

"Oh," he slides it into his hand, sheepish as he nervously opens the bag for Hyungwon an his mother to see the containers stored inside, "I didn't want to come to our meal empty-handed, so I made kimchi. Hopefully you haven't prepared a lot of food already."

"That's okay," Hyungwon's mother smiles. "It wouldn't hurt to put a dish away. Come in!"

So they sit at a table in the dining room that's so unnecessarily long it's as if it's been stolen from _The Last Supper_ , and although Hyungwon attempts to do this secretly, Kihyun still sees him quickly removing kimchi from the table and storing it away into the refrigerator, before replacing the emptiness with the two containers Kihyun brought. A small smile tugs on his face at the sheepish look Hyungwon gives him once he's pulling the lids off Kihyun's kimchi and silently sits down beside him.

Hyungwon's house isn't as lavish as Kihyun expected it to be. Just a normal house with normal furniture, small and simple and homey. It makes Kihyun feel less out of place than he'd thought to feel, but nevertheless, he's still anxious and very much aware he's sat across from his boyfriend's mother. He's never met a boyfriend's parents before. It's not like Kihyun has ever really been serious with anyone, or ever came to a point where he'd actually wanted to call someone his boyfriend, even if he's pretty sure most of his probably boyfriends had no problem with calling him one, which probably explains why Kihyun's never met a boyfriend's parent before. Not that he's really wanted to.

Kihyun cocks his head at the assortment of food surrounding him, wondering why he hadn't declined Hyungwon's offer when he'd asked for him to be here. 

Surely if it were someone else he would've declined without second thoughts. Kihyun usually doesn't agree to things that he's not really sure of the outcome, and he wastes no time turning it down. It's a little strange how he'd felt guilty at the thought of not meeting Hyungwon's mother, not doing something that clearly meant quite a lot to Hyungwon.

But he assumes quite a lot of the feelings he's had for Hyungwon lately aren't exactly what he's used to having. At least that's what his friends tell him.

Surprisingly Hyungwon's mother isn't quick to interrogating him, which Kihyun had been most nervous about. He'd even organized dialogue at his desk, when he was supposed to be studying, with a thorough reply to almost any question she could ask him. _Major. Future plans. Home plans. Family plans. School performance. What made him want to become a surgeon._ It's natural for Kihyun to come anywhere over-prepared. 

"You dressed very nicely," is what she tells him when Kihyun's tipping a cold pitcher of water over Hyungwon's empty glass, and he laughs a little, nearly spilling water onto the table cloth. 

"Thank you," he says, and it's most of what he says, since she compliments him on his posture and then his cooking, but then there's —

"How long do you plan on staying with Hyungwon?"

It's said so plainly that Kihyun wonders if it's obvious he almost chokes on air, and he thinks maybe he's under-prepared now, since that's surely not a question he'd thought to be asked of him. He wonders if this is really what parents worry of when their children tell him they're in a relationship.

"Uh," is all Kihyun manages to utter before he's interrupted by Hyungwon's laugh.

"That's a weird question," he says, awkwardly smiling. "I don't think anyone really thinks of that."

"You can think of it now," his mother offers, kindly, as if she's actually doing Kihyun a favor.

He feels his stomach twist, but Kihyun still manages to move his lips. "Well," he mutters, before reminding himself to raise his voice and to look up, "I'm planning to stay with Hyungwon for a while."

"Is 'a while' a long time?" she questions.

"I'm sure it is," Hyungwon interjects, but his mother still curiously fixes her eyes on Kihyun, and he wonders if it's obvious that he's panicking right now.

Kihyun nods, neck stiff. "Yes, ma'am, it's a long time."

"So, do you see yourself marrying my son?"

Hyungwon chokes on his water, Kihyun's throat tightens, and then the doorbell rings.

"I'll go get it," Hyungwon quickly offers, pushing his chair back. Kihyun wants to grab him and scream for him to stay, but his mother stands.

"It's fine, I'll go get it," she tells them. "Continue eating."

It's silent as she leaves. The sound only being Kihyun's loud slurping from his glass of water until she's entirely out of earshot, and they're left alone. Kihyun and Hyungwon exchange glances, and it's so awkward that all Kihyun can do is laugh. "Sorry about that," Hyungwon sighs, chuckling. "I really didn't know she would ask something like that. She can be rather straightforward with questions sometimes."

Kihyun laughs with him, softly behind a palm. "I see."

"Are you uncomfortable now?" 

"Not really," he murmurs. "She's just curious. I think any mother would wonder that if her child brought someone home. Especially someone they talk so much about apparently."

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. "It's not like that."

"It so is."

"We're with each other a lot," Hyungwon tries. "There's nothing else to tell her about."

"Glad to know I'm all that's of your life." Hyungwon rolls his eyes again and shoves Kihyun by the shoulder just as his mother returns to the dining room, embracing a large bouquet of bright orange flowers.

"It wasn't my laptop as I expected," she says. "It's for you, which I guess is much more predictable."

"Ugh," Hyungwon waves off the bouquet, grimacing at the sight of it, "just throw it away. I don't know why he even bothers. The color is terrible, too."

"Who is 'he'?" Kihyun asks, and he swears he doesn't mean to sound as defensive as he does, or possessive, as Hyungwon tends to claim.

"My ex," Hyungwon takes a gulp of water. "It's amazing how annoying he can get."

Kihyun scoffs. "He's still bothering you?"

Hyungwon silently nods.

"It's nothing to worry about, though," his mother reassures them. Kihyun didn't notice she'd left the room, but she says this as she returns through the door of the dining room, Hyungwon's bouquet still in her arm and a large trash bag she shakes open. "The semester is ending soon and then you'll be leaving, so he won't be able to bother you anymore."

There's a pause. Kihyun looks to Hyungwon, but his eyes are fixed on his glass of water, expression unreadable, before he's picking up the glass and downing the rest of it with a tipped head.

"You're right," he says, setting his cup to the table.

Hyungwon's mother rejoins the meal with a smile, and unsteadily, Kihyun refills Hyungwon's glass.

 

  
"You're leaving?"

They're standing in front of Hyungwon's house, after Kihyun has hugged Hyungwon's mother goodbye and they're supposed to be in Hyungwon's car, peacefully driving off back to Kihyun's side of the city, happy and relieved that everything went smoothly, that Kihyun's mother has actually taken a liking to him like Hyungwon had said so. But Kihyun's angry, arms crossed, and he wonders if it's supposed to hurt this much that Hyungwon isn't looking at him, that at this question all he has to offer him is a slow nod.

"Where are you leaving to?"

"Home. I'm going home."

"Home?" He nods, silently, reluctantly, and Kihyun feels himself numbing. "Where's home?"

Hyungwon sighs at this, teeth biting at his lips, and then he says, "England."

"Oh." Kihyun looks to his feet, his pulse in his throat, and there's so much to feel that he's not sure what he feels. He's angry, but he's not. He's sad, but he's not. All he knows is that he wants to scream until his throat aches. "Why did you make a decision like that on your own?"

"What do you mean?" Hyungwon murmurs, his eyes finally fixing on Kihyun. "I'm supposed to check in with you when I make decisions now?"

"No," Kihyun sighs. He looks away, because he feels ridiculous, but he feels that he shouldn't. He feels that he should feel angry, that he should feel sad, that he should feel every emotion that he hasn't quite figured out yet, but he feels so ridiculous for feeling. "I just wish you could've considered how I felt. At least a little."

"I did consider your feelings," Hyungwon tells him, "and I have a really good job offer. I thought you'd be happy for me."

"So you kept that away from me?"

He huffs. "Kept what away from you? I didn't keep anything away from you."

"Really? Is that why I had to find out you're leaving through your mother?"

Hyungwon pauses, and then sighs, a hand pushing through his hair. "Can we not argue about this? Please?"

"Do you really think I'd be okay with you going so far away?" Kihyun asks, and he doesn't mean for his voice to break. He doesn't mean for tears to fill his eyes or his limbs to feel so heavily. Honestly, Kihyun wants to punch himself. "I thought you liked me."

"And I do like you!"

"Then why are you leaving?" Kihyun shouts.

All Hyungwon has is a sigh, which seems to be his best reply. It's obvious he's had none of this mapped out, and Kihyun wonders if he did even think of him. If he was actually planning on ever telling him he was leaving, at least anytime soon.

"My life isn't here," Hyungwon tells him, calmly, slowly, so that Kihyun can hear every word. "I told you that the only reason I came back to Korea was for my grandpa, and now that he's not around anymore there's —"

"There's nothing left for you to stay for?" he offers.

Hyungwon scoffs. "Oh, come on."

"Just be honest."

"I like you a lot, okay? I want to be with you," Hyungwon says, a finger brushing along the hair over Kihyun's eyes. He doesn't want him touching him, but he doesn't move. "We can talk every day, you know? Texting or calling. I've thought of it. I can send you gifts and you can send me gifts, we can send photos that makes us think of each other, we can come home from school and work and FaceTime until we fall asleep. We can make this work."

"You think I want that?" Kihyun asks, voice low. "You think I just want to wait around for you every day? Worry how you're doing and who you're talking to? Worry whether you still like me or not?"

Once again Hyungwon sighs, his hand dropping from Kihyun's hair and moving to his arm, fingers sliding down to his wrist. "What are you saying?"

It's obvious he knows what he's saying, just by the scrunch of his brows, his pleading eyes boring so deeply into Kihyun's that it hurts. All of this hurts, and it's frustrating because people aren't supposed to make Kihyun hurt.

"I'm saying that I don't think this will work," Kihyun murmurs. He pulls his wrist away with this, stepping back when Hyungwon tries to reach for him again.

"Why?" Hyungwon asks. "If you like me enough, then it should work —"

"Then maybe I just don't like you enough."

He hates the look Hyungwon gives him. So defenseless, and really, Kihyun feels defenseless, too. Kihyun's stepping away again, but he wishes for Hyungwon to fight for him. He wishes Hyungwon would step forward, gently grab his wrist again, tell him that he wants to make it work, that it will work, that he likes Kihyun just as much as Kihyun likes him, which is _so, so, so_ much.

Hyungwon looks to his hands, a tongue sweeping over a pair of thick lips. He tersely nods, and turns away, leaving to the staircase. 

Kihyun doesn't watch him go.


	4. of heartache and goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know what he just did, how one second him and Hyungwon were happy, and now they're not. It feels surreal almost, like maybe if he pinches himself hard enough that he'll wake up and he'll send Hyungwon a good morning text, and then Hyungwon will meet him before class and walk with him, holding his hand and teasing Kihyun like the little asshole he is.
> 
> But Kihyun knows better than that, and he knew that through all of Hyungwon and his happy moments that eventually it'd come to an end just as everything does. Not that it makes any of this easier.

The bus ride home seems to last forever, Kihyun's grip loose on the handle, his eyes boring into the window in front of him without actually seeing. He rests his head to his hands, trying to make sense of his feelings, trying not to think of the sadness in Hyungwon's eyes, the ache in his chest when Hyungwon had walked away from him.

Honestly, Kihyun doesn't know what the hell just happened. He doesn't know what he just did, how one second him and Hyungwon were happy, and now they're not. It feels surreal almost, like maybe if he pinches himself hard enough that he'll wake up and he'll send Hyungwon a good morning text, and then Hyungwon will meet him before class and walk with him, holding his hand and teasing Kihyun like the little asshole he is.

But Kihyun knows better than that, and he knew that through all of Hyungwon and his happy moments that eventually it'd come to an end just as everything does. Not that it makes any of this easier. 

He sighs, eyes fluttering closed in hopes it'll silence his thoughts. But it seems as if they're as loud as ever.

Kihyun's footsteps are slow once he's stumbling down the stairs of the bus onto concrete, dragging himself along the sidewalk to home. He wishes just this once that he'll enter an empty house, that he can just curl into his bed and think and focus on not feeling, but of course that's just wishful thinking. He can already hear the loud bass of a hip hop song as he's unlocking the door, and it's almost as if it's vibrating against the walls. He pushes open the door, and immediately Jooheon and Changkyun jump up from the couch, Jooheon scrambling to turn the speaker off, and Changkyun gathering the mess they've made from the coffee table.

"You came home earlier than you told me you were," Changkyun stammers, awkwardly laughing as he drops the wrappers of their snacks into the trash can. 

"Sorry," Kihyun murmurs. He shoots an apologetic smile before pulling off his shoes, neatly straightening them by the door and stepping into his pair of slippers. "I'm going to study. Share earphones if you want to listen to music."

Changkyun frowns, but he doesn't bother prying. It's one thing Kihyun appreciates of his friend. He knows when to ask questions, when to comfort him and when to speak, when to give space and when to give silence. Jooheon, on the other hand —

"You're not going to tell us how dinner with Hyungwon's mother went?"

Kihyun doesn't mean to pause at this, doesn't mean to glue his eyes to floor and tighten his fist by his side, nails digging into the skin of his palm. He doesn't mean to cause Jooheon's brows to scrunch in confusion or Changkyun's brows to rise with worry, and as he's sure it's just best to ignore him. A little lie is always acceptable. _It was okay. I had fun._ Maybe he doesn't even have to lie. He can say they'll talk about it later and leave. Eventually he'll have to tell them anyway.

"Did his mom not like you?" Jooheon questions.

"We can talk about it later," Changkyun quickly offers, but Kihyun smiles, shaking his head.

"No, I, uh," he chews at his lips, shakily pushing his hair into a mess he doesn't bother fixing, "I broke up with Hyungwon."

Jooheon's eyes widen. "Really?"

"Are you okay?" Changkyun asks, and Kihyun means to nod, to shoot his friends a reassuring smile and disappear into his room to study and not think of Hyungwon, but it's as if he's suddenly hit with how much of an idiot he is, how he isn't okay and how he already misses Hyungwon so, so much. He thinks of how he's always the one who likes more and how he hates himself for it and how much he hates Hyungwon for it and how much he hates the world, and Kihyun doesn't know that he's crying until he feels Changkyun embracing him in a hug, guiding Kihyun's face into the crook of his neck, with Jooheon's hand rubbing soft circles into his back.

"It hurts," Kihyun stutters through deep, scattered breaths, tears falling through his fingertips. "It hurts so much. Why does it hurt this much?"

"Because you like him, idiot," Changkyun softly replies, and Kihyun hiccups, nodding.

"I do," he whispers. "I like him so much."

Kihyun tries to focus on the warmth on his back and the comfort of Changkyun's arms wrapped around his torso, and tries not to think of beautiful dark eyes and beautiful plump lips.

It's not as easy as he hopes.

 

 

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Kihyun sniffs. Their room is engulfed by the night, Kihyun curled into Changkyun's side, listening to the distant honk of a car, the bell of a bicycle chiming softly as it rolls through their street, a low conversation on the other side of the wall from their neighbors. "Do you think I should've stayed with him?"

"I don't know," his roommate replies. "Different people can endure different things, you know? If you don't think you could've handled Hyungwon being so far away, maybe it's best that you did leave him."

Kihyun nods, eyes fluttering closed, a single tear soaking into Changkyun's pillowcase, and he feels even more of an idiot than he did before. "I hate this."

"That's okay," he tells him, voice slowing, a gentle hand flattening over Kihyun's hair. "You should get some rest now. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning."

It's a possibility that's very unlikely, but Kihyun doesn't bother arguing. He snuggles into his friend's chest and tightens his arms around Changkyun's frame, trying to ignore the ache inside of him, trying to ignore how empty he feels.

 

 

-o-

 

 

Kihyun sleeps through his alarm, and wakes an unknown time of day, when a blurry Changkyun is hovered over him, dressed, and lightly shaking Kihyun by the shoulder.

"I'm going to class now," he says. "Call me if you need anything, and stay in bed as long as you want to."

He nods, slow, sinking deeper into the blankets of Changkyun's bed until his friend is disappearing out of the room and Kihyun's falling back into a restless sleep.

Kihyun unconsciously rolls  onto his stomach, rolls onto his back, a leg dangling from Changkyun's bunk. He rolls onto his side, pressed against the wall, legs tangling in the sheets. He rolls onto his stomach again, blankets falling to his waist, wrinkled and twisted in a way that's certainly going to annoy Kihyun once he wakes. Eventually, he flutters his eyes open, sometime when the room is flooded with sunlight, and his shirt feels sticky against his chest. Kihyun sighs deeply at the ceiling, at the returning thought of Hyungwon, and crawls down the ladder to carpet.

There's nothing to do. Kihyun has never spent a day empty. He always has part-time jobs to  run off to, always having classes to attend, and then extra classes that may or may not be unnecessary, but there's never really such a thing as learning too much. And now that for the first time of his life he has no desire to do anything, he feels a little bored, a little empty. But he's not sure if that's because of his clean schedule, or the aftermath of losing Hyungwon.

He slaps peach jam onto a slice of bread, a cup of coffee in hand, and sits on the couch, legs crossed Indian-style as he stares at the blank TV, and then the cheap coffee table seemingly on its last leg. He sighs, slurps from his mug, bites into his toast, stares, and sighs again. So this is what life without Hyungwon is like.

Kihyun wonders if Hyungwon misses him as much as he does. He wonders if Hyungwon's heart fell a little when he'd looked to his phone this morning, saw that there wasn't a good morning text from Kihyun. He wonders if Hyungwon set his alarm a little early to beat Kihyun to his lecture hall prepared to plead and fall to his knees to beg for Kihyun to come back to him.

Probably not.

He stares at the steam rising from his mug and cries.

 

 

_"Kihyun-ah!"_

Kihyun jumps awake from a sharp knock to his door, followed by another shout of his name. 

_Kihyun-ah!"_

Reluctantly, Kihyun pulls his head from the arm of the couch, arms stretching over his head, before he's dragging himself to the door. As soon as he's unlocked it, there's a body pressed against him, holding him tightly with two arms wrapped around him.

"Ugh," Kihyun groans, "Minhyuk, why?"

"I've been worried about you all day," he says. Hoseok smiles from behind his friend, closing the door and toeing his shoes off. "Changkyun told us everything and you weren't responding to any of our texts or calls. How are you feeling? Are you okay?"

He sighs once Minhyuk has released him, relieved, just before he's being engulfed by Hoseok. "Guys, seriously, I'll be okay."

"We're just worried about you," Hoseok tells him. He pulls away from him, two hands resting to Kihyun's shoulders.  "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kihyun scoffs. "I'd rather bang my head into a wall."

"Well, good." Minhyuk carelessly kicks his shoes off, one flying over by Changkyun's line of shoes, and the other landing on Kihyun's. Kihyun doesn't have a chance to scold him before he's being dragged off into the living room. "Don't worry, Kyun, you won't have to go through this alone. You need to have a good time and live your life to the fullest and dance the pain off."

Kihyun nods, because well, he isn't wrong, and soon Minhyuk, Hoseok, and Kihyun are parallel to the TV, Wii remotes attached to their wrist as they battle each other in "Gee" on _Just Dance_. Honestly, Kihyun has no idea why they even bother battling each other. They're way too competitive, and playing this specific game usually ends with Hoseok screaming in agony, Minhyuk nearly breaking fifty bones from dancing too violently, and Kihyun pouting and swearing everyone off once he's lost. He swears he's not a swore loser. It just doesn't make any sense why this is his own damn game console and he has yet to beat Minhyuk and Hoseok.

But, nonetheless, it happens to take his mind off Hyungwon for a while and help him to laugh, when he's managed to beat his friends in a round, when Hoseok's happening to outdo him and Minhyuk, and automatically they both tackle their hyung to the floor.

In the end, the three boys rest on the floor of the living room, out of breath and silently gulping from cold water bottles, having concluded the game with a win from Hoseok.

("You just got lucky," Minhyuk claims through deep breaths, although he'd deliberately tripped Hoseok quite a few times throughout each round. "I'm still the _Just Dance_ king, don't forget that.")

"It's going to get better," Hoseok reminds Kihyun, sprawled out on the floor next to Kihyun, and Minhyuk nods beside him, tipping his head back to finish the last drops of his water bottle. "Like every other break up you've ever had. Eventually everything will be okay."

Minhyuk rests his back on the carpeted floor beside Kihyun, their shoulders brushing. "People come and go. All the time," he adds.

"But I'm the one who left."

"You chose what you thought was best for you," Minhyuk says, rolling onto his side, resting his head on the palm of his hand. "That's all you can ever really do sometimes."

Kihyun stares at the ceiling, and then, slowly, nods.

"I wish that he wasn't leaving so you can continue being happy," Hoseok quietly chimes in. He turns his head, poking a finger into Kihyun's cheek and smiling when he laughs into the palm of his hand. "I like you best when you're happy."

"Pain is as temporary as whatever inflicted it," Minhyuk tells them, patting a sympathetic hand to Kihyun's shoulder before he's sitting up. "Hyung, we should get going now."

"Oh, yeah," Hoseok stretches his arms over his head and then helps Minhyuk onto his feet, "Kyun should come to the house with us."

Kihyun stands along with them. "No, it's fine. I'm okay here by myself."

Hoseok studies him, eyes squinting. "Are you sure?"

"One-hundred percent," Kihyun smiles.

"Changkyun is probably over at the house with Jooheon," Minhyuk tells him, brows lifted with worry in a way that makes his friend look even more like a puppy than he does already, "and Hyunwoo is going to drop by. We can all hang out."

"Yeah," he slightly smiles, "I'm not really up for walking into another make out session."

Minhyuk laughs. "This is why we've started calling Jooheon before we enter the house," he says, but Minhyuk doesn't push it any further, only pulling Kihyun into a bone-crushing hug he doesn't bother moving away from. "If you get lonely, you're welcome to come over, or call me. It could be three AM, I don't care."

"I know," Kihyun tells him, before Hoseok's joining the hug, engulfing both him and Minhyuk with Kihyun in center nearly choking. "Guys, please, you're being so dramatic."

"Accept our love, we care about you!" Minhyuk argues, and Kihyun sighs, fluttering his eyes closed and squeezing Hoseok and Minhyuk back just as tightly. He hates them, but he can't help but to smile, because honestly he loves them so much.

"Don't hesitate to call us if you need anything," Hoseok strictly says once they've gotten ahold of themselves and Kihyun shows the two of them to the door. He thinks maybe he doesn't want them to leave, and he knows all he has to do is ask and they'll stay with him without reluctance, but Kihyun doesn't want to be nuisance.

He leans an arm to the wall. "I won't."

"And don't just sit around sulking," Minhyuk instructs next. "Go watch a comedy, read, take a walk, just do something that isn't depressing, okay?"

"Okay." Kihyun smiles softly, waving a hand to his friends and watching from the window until Hoseok's car rumbles down the road out of sight, leaving Kihyun to himself once again.

A sigh escaping his lips, he drags himself back to his room, plops onto his bunk. It's a little difficult following Minhyuk's orders. To not sulk. How can he not sulk? It seems to be all that's left for him to do.

And it gets a little harder when Kihyun's snuggled in bed with a book of Sudoku puzzles and his phone rings. Kihyun pauses, stares at the ceiling, and he just lets it ring. He's too afraid to get up, to walk to his desk and see who's calling him. If it is Hyungwon, if it isn't Hyungwon. Either way, it'll hurt. 

His phone rings again, and Kihyun's legs learn how to move. He lowers himself onto his computer chair, a fist tightening against his lap, before he's hesitantly picking up his phone.

 _Hyungwon._ Of course.

And it gets so much harder when Kihyun ignores him, when he returns to his bed and tries to play Sudoku peacefully as if his phone isn't ringing and ringing and ringing until eventually, it just stops.

 

 

-o-

 

 

Hyungwon isn't waiting to walk him to his lecture hall.

Not that Kihyun expects him to. He'd spent the entire morning reminding himself that Hyungwon will not be there. When brushing his teeth, when he's absently combing his hair back and then brushes it over his forehead again, when he finds the little Ariel pin Hyungwon slipped into his palm that day, when he throws the Ariel pin away and almost reaches his hand back into the trash bag to retrieve it.

Kihyun doesn't expect him to be there, waiting to walk him to his lecture hall, but maybe somewhere inside of him, he wishes that he would have. 

With a sigh, fingers tightening on the straps of his backpack, Kihyun looks to his feet and heads inside.

 

 

Apparently Kihyun will move on from Hyungwon in no time. It's what Jooheon promises when he finds Kihyun buried in a swarm of books at the back of the public library, and Kihyun wonders to himself whether it's true or not. He wants to. He wants so badly to just one day wake up and stop missing Hyungwon entirely, to just find somewhere to dump all this sadness and walk away. But, when Kihyun thinks about it, he's a little afraid to just move on, and it's so strange feeling this way being the one who ended things, but maybe there's a part of Kihyun that still thinks there's a chance.

Kihyun can be a little stupid sometimes.

"The first step to moving on from someone is accepting what happened," Minhyuk informs Kihyun once they turn away from the counter of the cafe and head towards the table. Kihyun swears the little smiles Hyunwoo and Minhyuk exchange when he hands them their coffee orders doesn't sadden him, but he assumes the pursing of his lips must've shown different, since his friend has seemingly already prepared a presentation for him. 

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Kihyun murmurs. It's not meant for Minhyuk to hear, but nothing really goes how Kihyun plans, anyway.

"I'm glad you asked," Minhyuk tells him. He carefully sets his coffee to the table, and then slides Jooheon's across the table. "Don't be afraid, my friend, I have an idea."

"Oh, God," Jooheon sighs.

Minhyuk pouts, plopping next to Hoseok. "I can assure you it's a good idea."

Kihyun only looks at him and hands Changkyun and Hoseok their coffee orders before sliding into the empty seat beside his roommate. "So what is it?"

"Oh, you want to know?" Minhyuk grins, excitedly turning to their youngest friend. "Changkyun-ah, get Kyun paper and a pencil to write with."

Kihyun tucks a hand under his chin, watching intently as Changkyun goes searching through his backpack, laying a notebook onto the table, and then going to search again. Kihyun sighs and pulls a pen from the pocket of his shirt.

"Perfect," Minhyuk sings. He opens the notebook, quickly flipping through the pages until he's landed on an unmarked sheet that he lies back to the table for Kihyun. "So," he says, "in order to accept what happened between you and Hyungwon, you have to list all the good things about breaking up with him."

"How is reminding myself of our break up supposed to help me?"  Kihyun asks.

"You're not reminding yourself of the break up," Changkyun chimes in. "Well, you are, but you're not thinking of what could've been if you stayed together, or the reasons why you should stay with Hyungwon. You're reminding yourself why you made that decision so that you'll feel better with moving along from how things turned out."

"Our Changkyunie is such an outstanding Psychology major," Minhyuk beams. Changkyun smugly smiles, pointing a finger at him. "Anyway, what he said. You're going to explain why it's best that things turned out this way."

Kihyun chews his lips, staring at the blank sheet of notebook paper. "So why do I have to write it?"

"Writing makes things more official," he says, a hand flowing with his words. He then pats it to the notebook, smiling widely until Kihyun has given him an exasperated sigh and bites off the lid of his pen.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Hoseok questions.

"It will work," Minhyuk tells him, "and anyway, even if it won't, it's not like anyone has any better ideas, right?"

There's a silence, small glances exchanged, before Minhyuk's flashing his friends a satisfied smile.

"Right," he says. "Okay, Kihyun-ah, list a reason why it's best that you left Hyungwon."

Kihyun frowns under the eyes of his friends, teeth chewing at his lips as he hesitantly presses quill to paper. "Well, I guess if I stayed with him, I would've felt sad all the time with him being gone."

"Good reason," Minhyuk nods. He pats the notebook once again. "Write it."

Kihyun does, and then looks to the window of the cafe, "I, uh... we probably would've broken up eventually with him so far away," he softly continues, "so it's best that it was now, I guess."

"Um, okay," Minhyuk smiles. Kihyun jots it down.

"I'd probably shatter my self-esteem," he tells him, writing along with his words. "Sometimes, when we were still together, I worried that Hyungwon would find someone better than me. I was worried that he'd realize I'm not as great as he thought, and then he'd walk away. But I'm thinking about us still being together with him all the way in Britain, and how I'd worry that with him being so far away, it'd be easier for him to discover that there are so many people better than me."

Jooheon cocks his head, brows scrunching before he's turning to Minhyuk. "Hyung, your idea isn't working."

"How about we write more healthy reasons, okay?" Minhyuk hurriedly suggests, but Kihyun shakes his head, resting the pen to the paper and pushing Changkyun's notebook away.

"I don't want to do this anymore," he murmurs. "It's really sweet that you want to help me, it really is, but I'm not ready."

"Do you think things are between you two are going to work?" Hoseok asks, and Kihyun wishes that he didn't have to shake his head. He wishes that his eyes didn't water as he stares at the coffee cup in front of him.

"No," Kihyun replies. "I like him so much, and I want things between us to work."

"But you know that it won't," Hoseok quietly offers. Kihyun nods, face burying in the palms of his hands.

"I don't want things to just _end_ ," Kihyun continues in a muffled voice, "especially like this, maybe we could be friends, but that night I was just so angry. I'm still angry. I'm so angry with Hyungwon for making a decision like that, and then not even telling me. I can't believe he'd apply for a job in another continent, and then not even tell me that he's done it."

"Maybe he applied before you guys became a thing," Changkyun suggests.

Kihyun shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. There are still interviews. There were so many chances for him to tell me yet he decided not to."

Hoseok slowly sips from his coffee, his slurps taking up the silence settling over them. "I think Hyungwon was just afraid."

"Me, too," Changkyun nods. "Maybe him not telling you isn't an act of you not meaning a lot to him. Maybe him not telling you is just him not wanting things to end up the way that they did."

"So what? Is fear really an excuse?" Kihyun looks to his cup, a long sigh escaping his lips before he's resting his head to Changkyun's shoulder. "I'm such an idiot, aren't I?"

Changkyun just smiles.

 

 

-o-

 

 

Hyungwon calls him at three AM, and Kihyun ignores it. 

It'll never make sense to him why Hyungwon still tries. He is the one who walked away in fact. Kihyun had thought from that moment now that he'd ended things that Hyungwon was already on the road to accepting it. But sometimes his phone rings and Kihyun has to pretend that he doesn't want to answer it. Even if so badly he wants to.

Hyungwon doesn't bother leaving a voicemail. He calls again instead, and again and again, the phone rested on Kihyun's desk vibrating over and over again. Eventually, Kihyun smacks his pencil onto the desk, defeated.

"Stop calling me!" he snaps, fingers tightening around the frame of his phone.

There's only silence to greet him. Kihyun stares to the window of his room, waiting for something besides the sound of Hyungwon's breathing.

Kihyun sighs. "Hyungwon-ah?"

"I heard a song on the radio," he instantly murmurs, hurriedly almost, as if he's afraid any second Kihyun will hang up the phone. He nearly does, but maybe Kihyun doesn't want to. Maybe his stomach twists and his heart picks up a little hearing the sound of his voice once again. 

"That's why you called me the night of finals?"

"I think you'd like it," Hyungwon says. "I don't know the name of it, though, and I forgot all the lyrics. So, I'll hum for you instead. I think I still remember the melody."

Kihyun's eyes fix on a flickering streetlight from his window, a hand cupping under his chin as Hyungwon hums to him, sedulously and heartfelt, as if he's performing for an audition. 

"It's just like that, I think?" he tells him a little too loudly into the phone. Kihyun shrinks away. "Do you like it?"

"Maybe if you were in tune," Kihyun answers. He scrunches his brows, eyes trailing to the paper of notes color coded and organized with his handwriting. "You sound very drunk. Where are you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does, because you're an idiot and drunken idiots do idiotic things. Where are you? Are you driving? You better not be driving!"

"Stop," Hyungwon groans.

"Stop? Stop what?"

"Don't break up with me and then worry about me," Hyungwon says, voice firm. "You shouldn't care about me. I'm fine, anyway."

"Then where are you?"

"The convenience store," he sighs. "We watched _Tarzan_ here together, remember?"

"Don't go anywhere, okay?"

"You're not coming here, are you? I'm fine. Please don't come here."

Kihyun doesn't listen.

 

 

Hyungwon is found sitting at the table outside, his head hung over a green bottle, and his hands hidden in the long sleeves of his sweater. Kihyun tries not to run to him, but his feet have a mind of their own. He pauses when he nears him, slowing his steps, hands slipping into the pockets of his jacket as if he was in no rush to get over here.

"I told you not to come here," is how Hyungwon greets him. His head lifts slowly, and he looks up to Kihyun pouting with puffy, narrowed eyes.

Kihyun huffs at this, eyes rolling. "Well, it was foolish of you to think that I wouldn't."

"I'm fine," Hyungwon grumbles.

"This is what fine looks like?" Kihyun asks, head cocking. "Surely you're the sober one here."

Hyungwon looks at him with watery eyes, his lip quivering before he's snapping his neck away. "Just fuck off!"

"You're the one who called me, idiot. You almost drove me crazy with how many times my phone vibrated. Clearly you have nothing better to do during finals."

"Is finals all you care about?" Hyungwon snaps. 

"Well, finals do kind of determine whether I graduate this semester or not, so yeah, I guess finals are pretty important to me."

Hyungwon sniffs, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his sweater. "Do you even care about me?"

"Oh, wow," Kihyun laughs, "I'm not the one leaving to Britain! I'm also not the one who kept it from their boyfriend!"

"You didn't even want to try to make this work!" Hyungwon tips his bottle over a tiny, paper cup, looking to Kihyun with a glare. "I'm a bad person, right? I'm a bad person for not telling you, right? But at least I wanted to see how we would turn out! You want to know why? Because I like you!"

Kihyun yanks the paper cup from his fingers, and Hyungwon desperately reaches for it with a whine. "Sorry, but I don't have time to argue with you; I have finals to worry about."

"Then leave!"

"I am leaving," Kihyun huffs, "but I'm taking you with me."

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am." Kihyun grabs him by the arm, and Hyungwon jerks away only to send both himself and the bottle falling to the concrete. It shatters, sprinkling along the dark concrete in shards of glass. Hyungwon groans. "Wow, even more of an example why you shouldn't be left alone."

Hyungwon doesn't argue when Kihyun helps him onto his feet again. Silently, he hops onto Kihyun's back as instructed, his arms wrapping around his neck, his head resting atop Kihyun's head. He doesn't expect Hyungwon to feel so heavy, but he manages to make it along the sidewalk, pausing here and there to readjust his grip on Hyungwon's thighs before once again wobbling along the sidewalk.

"You're so stupid, you know," Kihyun scolds, glancing up at the chin pressed to his hair. "Drinking during finals. Why the hell would you do that?"

There's silence, and then, "Shut up."

Kihyun rolls his eyes at this, but he doesn't bother Hyungwon with a reply, just fixes his eyes ahead and carries him the rest of the way home.

 

 

It's nothing how he imagines it. Running into Hyungwon again. It's much more significant in his imagination, less sloppy, and of course doesn't involve Hyungwon throwing up on his lawn and collapsing onto his couch with a groan. Kihyun hates this. He hates seeing how much he's hurt him and not being able to do anything except pat his back and drape a blanket over his body.

"I'm sorry," Hyungwon mumbles when Kihyun's slipping a small pillow underneath his head.

Kihyun blinks. "For what?"

"Everything," he says. "I'm really sorry."

It's all he manages to say before he's falling asleep, and Kihyun hates himself. He hates himself because he misses him so much, and he's not sure he's even supposed to feel this way. He is in the one who ended things. He is the one who told Hyungwon that he didn't like him enough to stay with him. He is the one who had given up on them so easily, and okay, maybe he'd lied a bit. Of course he likes Hyungwon enough, maybe even more, but there's so much anger. Leaving him felt as if it was the only decision left for him, and looking at him, his face still and peaceful snuggled in a grey blanket, he feels even more like an idiot. 

Maybe all of this was a mistake, even if it's like Minhyuk and Changkyun have told him, that he was only doing what's best for himself, and a long distance relationship is just something that isn't for Kihyun. He can be a little too needy sometimes, and maybe a little too clingy. Having Hyungwon so far would only hurt him more than anything. But doing what's best for himself doesn't necessarily hurt any less.

Kihyun smooths a hand over Hyungwon's hair, a sigh escaping his mouth before he's stretching and dragging himself back into his room. 

Once the sun rises, Hyungwon is gone.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know, he's just been lying like that since he came back home from school."

"Really? Has he at least moved at all?"

"Nope."

Kihyun feels a cold palm press to his forehead that he instantly swats away.

"Don't touch him! He might hit you."

"I wonder what happened."

"He doesn't have a fever, so I don't think he's ill."

"Maybe he didn't do well with his final exams?"

There's a silence, a moment of contemplation for Kihyun's friends, and then Minhyuk's cheery laugh ringing from behind him.

"Let's be realistic."

"Well, that's all I can think of."

"Do something!"

"Hyunwoo is the oldest, he should be the one doing something."

"Uh...?"

His friends fall into silence again. Kihyun can hear a low conversation, probably an argument, but the words are so hushed that when he rolls onto his side, the soft creaking of the bed entirely drowns their voices out.

Slowly, the bed sinks beside Kihyun, and there's another silence before a reluctant hand is resting on his shoulder.

"Um," Hyunwoo stammers from beside him, "Kihyun-ah?"

"I'm fine," Kihyun quietly replies. He hesitantly pulls the blanket from around his face and looks to his friend through glossy eyes, Hyunwoo's brows instantly lifting at the sight of him. He shoots him an apologetic glance once Hyunwoo nervously darts his eyes to the others, as if pleading for their help. "I'm serious; you guys don't have to worry about me."

"Well that's good." Hyunwoo stands from the bed and stretches. "He said he's fine."

Minhyuk huffs. "He's lying."

"But he told me that he's serious," Hyunwoo says, shaking his head. They both look to Kihyun as their friend quickly disappears underneath the blankets once again, knees pulling to his chest so that he's only shown as a heap of blankets.

"He only said that to make us go away," Minhyuk sighs.

"Well, maybe we should leave him alone," Hyunwoo tells them. "Most times people who hide don't want to be found, so we should just give Kyun some time to himself and he'll talk to us when he feels like it."

Another silence, as if his friends are contemplating this.

"I don't know," Hoseok murmurs by the doorway.

"You know I can't deal with just leaving him alone," Minhyuk groans, and, well, it is true. His friend seems to always have a mission to comfort someone he thinks to be in the need of comfort. It's not a flaw, at least Kihyun can't really see it as one, but sometimes he honestly just wants to be left alone. Right now, Kihyun isn't certain of what he wants, except he'd like it very much for his friends to shut the fuck up already.

"I've been trying to leave him alone since he came back from class," Changkyun softly interjects. "But I'm worried. Kyun doesn't just lie there and do nothing. It's too unlike him."

"Maybe he's starting," Jooheon shrugs.

"Maybe it's Hyungwon," Hoseok chimes in, and it's like he's hit the jackpot. There's a pause at a sniff, the heap of blankets that is their friend stirring underneath the blankets until Kihyun is resting on his stomach, tucking his short legs underneath himself.

There's a hand that rests to his back. Minhyuk's hand. He can tell by the sinking of the bed, and then the chin that nuzzles onto his head. "Please talk to us," his friend softly pleads. "We love you, and we want to help. We can't help if you don't talk to us."

Kihyun sniffs again. "I'm fine, really."

Minhyuk frowns. "No, you're not."

"I don't want to worry you guys with it," Kihyun admits. "I'm just thinking too much and being stupid, that's all."

"You're not stupid for feeling," Minhyuk tells him, and it's honestly a talent that his friend can have such a tone of his voice that just makes you want to sob for hours and go on and on about all the wrongs in your life. Kihyun emerges from the blankets, slowly, like he's reluctantly leaving from hibernation and cuddles into Minhyuk's open arms.

"It's just," he exhales, shakily, a palm resting to his face, "Hyungwon sent me a screenshot of his ticket. He said he'd really like me to be there to send him off, but only if I want to."

"Do you want to?" Changkyun asks, momentarily catching the attention of all their friends before there are four heads turning back to him.

"I can't," Kihyun whimpers, wiping his face dry with the back of his wrist.

Hoseok trails over to Kihyun. "Why not?" he questions. Another weight sinks into the bed. "You don't know when you're going to be able to see Hyungwon again. It could be years, you know? Or never again. If you really like him, you should go."

The possibility scares him, but of course, Kihyun has contemplated it, just as he has with every other possibility there is, how many roads this could turn, how many ways his heart could shatter into pieces, all of them in no way comforting or something he wants to face.

"I'm too afraid," Kihyun admits, softly, staring at the unadorned, black and white pattern of Minhyuk's socks. 

"What are you afraid of?" Minhyuk asks, his voice just as soft. He pulls his friend in tighter, and Kihyun willingly clings onto him like a koala bear.

"That it'll hurt me so badly that there'll be no way for me to overcome it," he sheepishly murmurs. "I know it sounds so dramatic and exaggerated, and I've known that Hyungwon will go to Britain ever since his mother mentioned it. But... you know how in some Disney films the protagonists from two entirely different worlds lives' entangle, and the whole film you know that eventually they're going to have to part ways, but then at the end, the last minute, one of the characters decide that they love them too much so they stay and decide to adapt to their world instead?"

"Yes," Minhyuk slowly replies.

"Well, I know it's fantasy, and I know that it's rare to find someone who will do that for you, but, I don't know, I guess this little part of me just thought that if I stay angry with Hyungwon long enough that he'll realize it's too much to bear and he'll decide to stay here me," Kihyun sniffs. He wipes at his eyes, absently twisting his hands in the sleeves of his sweater. "It's so stupid, and I'm sure it makes me such a terrible person. I feel so stupid for believing that there's someone who would actually do that for me."

"I'd do it for you," Hoseok offers. "I can be Ariel for you."

Kihyun laughs at this. "Right, of course, hyung."

"You can't really be angry with Hyungwon for not being that person for you, though," Hyunwoo suddenly chimes in. His voice is quiet at first, and his words sound a bit hesitant. "Sometimes people can't really make you their whole world. That sounds kind of sad, but in some situations it's true. It doesn't mean Hyungwon doesn't like you as much as you thought he did."

This is something else Kihyun has contemplated, when he's at his lowest moments of thinking of Hyungwon. He worries that he's made a mistake, that he shouldn't have reacted in such a way and ruined him as he did.

Kihyun tugs his eyes from Minhyuk's feet, slowly looking up to Hyunwoo. "Do you think I should've stayed with him?"

"Um," Hyunwoo hums, "I can't tell you that. Actually, I can't really tell you what you should do or how you should feel, but I think you're maybe being a little hard on Hyungwon and that he'd appreciate you being there to send him off."

"I think so, too," Hoseok quickly adds in.

Kihyun exhales, his eyes wandering around the room as he contemplates, before, slowly, nodding. "I should be a bit more selfless and support Hyungwon whether it's here or not, right?"

"Right," Minhyuk nods.

"Okay," Kihyun murmurs. He exhales again, slow. "Okay, I can do that, I think. You're right."

"Oh my, God," Jooheon murmurs. "Are we going to pretend what Hyunwoo said was not what we were basically trying to tell him in the cafe?"

"Oh, shut up," Kihyun scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips, "you guys have been incessantly trying to make me get over Hyungwon ever since you found out that I broke up with him."

"It's because we support your decisions despite our opinions," Hoseok defends, and at once, his four friends agree with equally exaggerated nods.

"I've spent nights upon nights upon nights having to cuddle Kyun with him all gross and sobbing in my neck, and then Hyunwoo hyung comes in at last minute and says, like, one sentence and suddenly he's having this huge moment of enlightenment," Changkyun complains.

"My words are always valuable," Hyunwoo simply replies. Minhyuk laughs at this.

"I have been sort of a mess, though," Kihyun sheepishly admits, fingers hooking at the nape of his neck. "My wave of emotions really weren't my intentions. I haven't meant to be such a burden lately; I hope you guys can forgive me and we can move past this."

"I forgive you," Minhyuk quickly tells him, squeezing Kihyun's small body even tighter into his side. "When you come to me crying, it sincerely warms my heart."

"That's not weird at all," Changkyun mutters with scrunched brows.

Hoseok gently rests hand to Kihyun's thigh. "You weren't a burden. You never are. You should know that by now."

Kihyun smiles, even though he can barely breathe with the tight clutch Minhyuk has on him. His friend pulls an arm from around Kihyun, waving it freely towards the others.

"This moment of enlightenment demands a group bed huddle!" Minhyuk announces, and really, Kihyun doesn't know how he didn't see this coming. Instantly, Changkyun's sliding onto the bed, squeezing himself right in between Minhyuk and Kihyun like the little kitten he is, and Jooheon taking this as his chance to dive onto the bed before Kihyun's properly given the chance to object. Hoseok slips underneath the blankets, partially sitting in Kihyun's lap, and patting an empty spot next to himself as Hyunwoo crawls in with him, finishing off the group bed huddle.

"Why do we do this?" Kihyun groans, his face uncomfortably squishing to Changkyun's. "It's the worst thing that we could ever do."

"We love each other," Hoseok nonchalantly tells him. He pauses, brows scrunched. "Which one of us smell like strawberry and bananas?"

"It's me," Jooheon sheepishly says. "I dropped a whole entire smoothie on myself the way over here."

"Ah."

"Do we really have to show that we love each other through cuddling?" Kihyun grimaces, and unsurprisingly, they all reply in a yes, even Hyunwoo who has managed to wrap his arm all the way over to Minhyuk, squishing Hoseok, Kihyun, and Changkyun even tighter together than Kihyun thought possible. He swears, if anyone even tries to move an inch Hoseok will no doubt be entirely sitting in his lap. 

But, involuntarily, Kihyun does catch himself smiling, just a little. Really, it's barely there.

It's just, well, he's a little lucky to have such idiots so close to him. Five idiots that he may or may not love quite a lot.

And maybe one more.

 

 

-o-

 

 

"Hey," Kihyun softly smiles, absently fiddling with his fingers as Hyungwon slips into the booth across from him, his hands buried in his pockets, "sorry for calling you out here so early. I just wanted to have this conversation in person and as soon as possible."

Hyungwon shrugs. "I was up, anyway."

"Really?"

"Sleeping hasn't been really easy lately," Hyungwon murmurs. "Another reason why I hate you. Sleep is really all I have."

"You hate me?" 

"I've always hated you."

Kihyun looks to his fingers and smiles. "Do you still like me?"

"Unfortunately," Hyungwon laughs, light and beautiful, and wow, Kihyun had almost forgotten how much he'd loved the sound of it.

"Good," Kihyun looks to his hands again, teeth chewing at his smile and his fingers fidgeting even more than before, "do me a favor, will you?"

"Okay."

"Just... stay liking me, okay?"

Hyungwon smiles. "I'll try."

And just like that, everything is okay.

 

 

-o-

 

 

It's softly raining the afternoon Hyungwon's leaving. Kihyun sits in the back of a cab, anxious, his eyes trailing along the traffic of the wet city and checking the time printed across his phone every few minutes. Kihyun doesn't expect this to come with such an anxious feeling, but then again, Kihyun happens to always panic over the littlest of things, and he thinks, well, maybe he should feel a little nervous. This is Hyungwon in fact. He likes him so much, and he honestly has no idea how he's going to do this, send someone he cares so much about off to another continent, but he knows that whether it hurts him or not, he's going to have to.

"Hyungwon-ah," Kihyun greets into his phone, stepping into the rain once he's paid the cabby. His sneakers lightly splash into the puddles across the concrete as Hyungwon hums into the phone, yawning before he's given a chance to reply verbally. It's amazing how he hadn't bothered choosing a morning flight, which was the most convenient for both of them—and really, Kihyun intends on strangling Hyungwon himself for having him stuck in traffic in the back of a smelly cab—but Hyungwon had insisted on going with an afternoon flight to keep himself from feeling too sleepy, and yet, he's still sleepy.

"Are you at the airport?" Hyungwon questions. 

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute, okay?" Kihyun slips a hand into the pocket of his jacket as he ducks into the entrance, the little bag held by the tips of his fingers swinging by his side.

"You better not look ugly," Hyungwon tells him. "My last memory of you needs to be a good one, preferably nothing of how you've looked ever since I met you."

Kihyun scowls. "Do you want to die?"

"Just try to get through security quickly," he laughs, the sound vibrating against Kihyun's cheek, and Kihyun smiles.

"No promises." He looks up from his feet squeaking along the tiled floor of the airport and quickly hangs up the phone, pushing it into the pocket of his jacket and quickening his footsteps to Hyungwon's gate.

Kihyun can feel his heart quickening with each step, thumping at a discomforting pace against his chest as he brushes through the sea of people, luggage by their side, clutching tightly to the hands of exhilarated children bouncing beside them. It feels a bit more real with each second, that Hyungwon's going to be leaving him, that they've patched everything that'd been torn between them and now Kihyun could possibly be going years without seeing him again. 

It's a thought he'd been keeping from himself. A thought that he'd tried pushing away with the reminder of how warm Hyungwon's hand feels when their fingers are intertwined, and how he couldn't stop smiling the night before when they could taste each other's lips again and finally Kihyun felt full. A thought he tries to push away once he finds Hyungwon at his gate, sat on the floor amongst a crowd of people with earphones in his ears and his head hanging over the screen of his phone.

Hyungwon instantly smiles at the sight of him, pressing into Kihyun's side once he's plopped down and snaked an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, idiot."

"Isn't that my greeting?" 

"Is it?" Hyungwon cuddles into him, an arm finding its way around Kihyun's torso. 

"The others told me to tell you goodbye for them, by the way," Kihyun says, looking to his hands. "They really liked having you around."

"Don't make me cry," Hyungwon laughs.

"I won't, it isn't pretty at all." Hyungwon rolls his eyes, but smiles at him. "I kind of liked having you around, too, but just a little. Most of the time you were getting on my nerves."

"As you," he adds. "The biggest asshole of all."

"I'm not an asshole," Kihyun pouts.

Hyungwon laughs, a hand smoothing over the hair Kihyun styled back before he's plucking his forehead.

"Ya, bastard!"

"You like me, though," Hyungwon tells him, and Kihyun sighs, because, well, it's true.

"Maybe a little."

Just then, Hyungwon's flight is called and all at once, the people lounging around them stand to their feet, stretching and gathering their things to line up at the terminal. Kihyun's stomach twists.

"Well," Hyungwon murmurs and slowly rises to his feet, Kihyun pulling himself up along with him. "Looks as if it's time for me to go."

"Yeah," Kihyun breathes. He pockets his hands, teeth chewing at his lips, before presenting the gift bag in his hand.

"What is this for?" Hyungwon asks.

Kihyun smiles, sheepishly, quickly handing off the small gift bag to him. "It's just a little something I got you. I didn't want you to leave Korea empty-handed."

"You didn't have to," he coos, already peeking into the opening. "Can I open it?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Slowly, Hyungwon pulls the green tissue paper from the gift bag, and then the little, navy blue box placed inside. "Fancy," he comments with an impressed rise of his brows. He curiously scrutinizes the box from all sides. "Let me guess... is it cologne?"

"Open it," Kihyun simply replies, and Hyungwon smiles at him, eyes narrowed as if Kihyun's up to something, before carefully pulling the lid off to a metal watch. Kihyun's smile turns sheepish once Hyungwon looks up at him.

"You got this for me?" he asks.

"Well, I had a little help from my parents, but for the most part, yeah." Hyungwon grins at him, quickly pulling up the sleeve of his jacket and unstrapping the leather watch around his wrist. "You really like it?"

"It's not exactly my style, but it's from you, so there's not much that I expect," Hyungwon shrugs, laughing at the hand that swats him at the arm. "Of course I like it, Kyun. I love it, even. I'm going to, um, really miss you."

Kihyun's lips purse, eyes quickly dropping to the silver watch on Hyungwon's wrist. "I'm going to really miss you, too."

"But we'll stay in touch, right?"

"Right."

"I'll call you when I get to England," Hyungwon promises, "and you can tell me all about how your audition goes, okay?"

Kihyun nods, slow, before there's two arms wrapping around him, holding him tightly, and Kihyun doesn't have to think before he's reciprocating it, burying his face into Hyungwon's neck. Kihyun promised himself he wasn't going to cry, but there's already tears building in his eyes, streaming down his face and soaking into the wool of Hyungwon's coat. 

"Stop it," Hyungwon tells him. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," Kihyun sharply exhales, pushing his face to his hands and quickly wiping the tears away.

"I'm going to miss you."

Kihyun laughs, sniffing at the tears burning his eyes. "You already said that."

"But I am," Hyungwon murmurs. He sucks in a breath, and then smiles at him, brightly even if his lips quiver a little and he's blinking around glossy eyes. Kihyun returns it. "I should go now."

"Yeah, you should."

"I'm going to miss you."

"As you've said."

Hyungwon snorts, and then sighs, stepping back away from him to the terminal. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I know." Kihyun pockets his hands, watching as Hyungwon's boarding pass is checked, and then, quickly, he's turning back to Kihyun, frowning.

"I'm going to miss you," he tells him.

Kihyun laughs, teeth biting at the smile tugging on his lips. "Go, you idiot."

So Hyungwon does, and Kihyun feels his heart sink, bottom lip sore underneath the pressure of his teeth, and his fingers once again fiddling. So this is it, he thinks, and as he plops into a chair in front of the window, eyes watering, the twisting in his stomach returning, it hits even harder. _This is it._ Hyungwon's actually leaving him.

Hyungwon has told him they'll keep in touch, a lot of times, actually. They'd even touched pinkies and thumbs over it, and Hyungwon and him had exchanged any form of communications with each other the night before so they'd never be able to lose contact with each other. Kihyun had even bought another planner just to mark all the dates that Hyungwon promised to return to see him. It seems as if everything will turn out just fine, but Kihyun can't ignore the ache in his heart no matter how much he tries, the irregular thump against his rib cage as he watches the plane roll of, speeding down the runway until his Hyungwon is taking off for England.

Really, Kihyun promised himself he wasn't going to cry. He promised himself that he wouldn't feel sad, that he wouldn't feel empty, as if half of him has been torn apart, ripped in half and out of his reach, but Kihyun is always bad with promises, anyway.

He cries into his fist, fingernails digging so deeply into the skin of his palm he's sure he'll leave himself a mark. This really is it. He doesn't think he'll ever find someone like Hyungwon. Someone who can annoy the hell out of him and still manage to make him smile so hard his cheeks ache. Someone who watches stupid Disney films with him just because Kihyun likes it and somehow makes him laugh when he happens to muster up absolutely everything he hates about them. Someone who makes him feel safe, and can laugh at all the stupid things he says but somehow still make him feel like it's significant. He doesn't think he'll ever find someone who can —

"Kihyun-ah."

He freezes at the hand on his shoulder, eyes widening, his hands sinking to his lap.

"I told you not to cry."

Kihyun turns around with a vision blurred of tears. "Why are you —"

"Sacrifices are stupid,"' Hyungwon murmurs, a little smile tugging on his lips, "but I guess liking someone makes you do stupid things."

Hyungwon is an idiot, really, and when Kihyun's jumping to his feet he means to tell him, but he finds himself hugging him instead, Hyungwon's arms around his neck, the cool touch of the metal watch brushing against his skin, and Kihyun supposes he can always just tell him how much of an idiot he is later. 

Now that there is one, that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT I FINISHED THIS !?!!! 
> 
> i've been working on this for like a month and it's been so fun !! thanks again to my fave kadee for screaming with me constantly and burning with excitement. i'm really proud of this, tbh, and i hope youve taken a liking to it, too. i was seriously going to give them an unhappy ending, well, not unhappy, but i was contemplating letting hyungwon head off to england before deciding that i'm too good of a person. you can thank me later ^_~ 
> 
> kudos and comments are very much appreciated !


End file.
